Heartache

Losing a partner
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Hu Christine,well do what you have to do,facing the day is very traumatic,I have been gardening,my wife was the expert so I just do not know what to cut back or down.There is no point anymore,I keep telling myself that but what do I do about it.Yes the ache in the chest ,the feeling sick all the time,is this what grieving is.I also dread the future without my darling wife Judith beside me.She was my inspiration ,my whole world,how on earth can you replace that.I am having my first beer of the day ,will not be the last.You see other couples walking about ,laughing,holding hands and think why is that not me.This life is not for me but what do you do.Michael.

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63

Aww Michael,I know just how you feel Steve liked gardening,we both did I know there a things to do I hope I can get round to carrying on with it soon.Everything seems such an effort now I need to discuss everything with Steve,I’m lost without him,can’t cook meals,no appetite lost so much weight,I know he would be telling me to sort things out,he was stronger that way than me,I feel so sorry he loved life and mine just feels over,if it wasn’t for my lovely family don’t think I would want to carry on.Its only been a few weeks since losing him after 51yrs of marriage never been on my own before we were so young when we met,thanks for talking to me Michael I know you’re going through this torture as well take care x

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Judith was part of my life for 32 years,I miss her so much ,only been 4 weeks but I am utterly shattered ,my world is in bits,I cannot function anymore,I forget to eat,cannot sleep properly,this is not what we signed up for is it,we were supposed to be together for life.I do not want to be here ,wish I could go to sleep and not wake up,you might say well do it then but it is not that simple is it,suppose you mess up and they find you and save you then what,back to the same old miserable life on your own.Michael.

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Michael,it’s only been 4 weeks today for me since Steve passed,yes it’s very hard to function you seem to be unable to sleep,same as me,must get a few hours it doesn’t seem to matter anymore,I’m sat here now thinking about what we would be doing how cosy we would be,Steve had a few years of retirement I only retired last year all our plans disappeared,he just loved life,worked so hard when younger.Michael people say this torture gets a little better with time,your wife,my husband would want us to carry on x

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66

I am trying my best but it is so hard to apply yourself to anything,this grief is out of control,I do not know how to handle it,evening is coming and I just want to go to bed and try to forget but it is useless,I cannot get her out of my mind,I want her back so much,miss her so much ,I ache for her.Michael.

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67

Dear Michael and Christine, at the moment you are too near to the beginning of you grief journey to have hope. You have to go through this black time which for me took months. But now I feel more positive about the future. Yes, a future without David but the human soul has a strong desire to survive. The gloomy tearful times are less and I am taking part in society. I am retired but fine areas of life where I am needed so I am anchored by these activities. You too will progress. What ever you do eat properly. Have your favourite food!
That’s my tip for today.
I am thinking if you both.
Love
Tricia

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68

I know Michael I feel exactly the same,been crying on and off all day can grief drive a person mad,sat here now with Steve’s ashes and beautiful photos of him,candles around,miss him so much,heartbroken x

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69

Hi Mickeyboy31,

I’m so sorry to hear about what you are going through right now. It sounds as though things are very tough and you are feeling really overwhelmed after the loss of Judith.

It sounds like you’re looking for support and I’m glad that you’ve been able to talk about how you’re feeling here. There is lots of other support out there, and I would really encourage you to reach out and speak to someone about how you are feeling.

    • Samaritans are available 24/7 to talk about anything that you are worried about in confidence. You can call them on 116 123.
    • Shout are contactable by text, 24/7. You can text SHOUT to 85258 and talk to them about anything.
    • If you are at risk of harming yourself, please call 999 or contact your GP for an emergency appointment immediately.

Sue Ryder offers an online bereavement counselling service. This is a free service and sessions are held via video chat so you can attend from home. There’s more information about this service here: www.sueryder.org/counselling.

You can also make an appointment with your GP and ask to be referred to counselling or other support services in your area.

You deserve care and support so please, get in touch with one of these services.

Take care,

Michelle

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70

Thank you for caring Michelle,I will certainly take your advice and seek help.Michael.

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Oh this is so sad that we are all going through this terrible grief and missing our loved ones so much.Life is going to be such a challenge from now on but are we up to it.At the moment I cannot say that I am.Michael.

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Such lovely words Tricia,you are such a kind person.Thank you for the advice. Michael.

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So you wake up and bang it hits you again,it is going to be the same as yesterday,you are alone in this house that used to have laughter ,your partner was always there and now nothing,you try to keep busy ,try not to keep crying for them but it is impossible,they were part of your life for so long,not so long in some of your cases,so how do we carry on without them by our side,I do not have the answer,I am struggling every minute of the day without her.Trying to find a reason to go on but not finding it yet. Michael.

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Hi Michael, I hope you slept last night it’s the first step in recovery/ improvement of your situation or whatever you want to call it. I try to plan to see at least one person each day. Force myself to have a hair cut or go shopping. Let me know how you are. Sometimes completely changing your routine helps as the old routine is so painful and brings back memories.
Tricia

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75

Oh I need help this morning I am in a terrible state,crying my eyes out,really missing her,I hate this life now,waking up in a lonely house without her,I cannot go on like this.Michael.

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Not good today ,bawling my eyes out ,here on my own again day after day ,this is not good,I am not sleeping that well even with the pills,not that hungry ,I keep getting these moments when all I do is cry for her,I do not think I am going to get over this trauma.

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Michael,I feel the same mornings are traumatic, my sleeping tablets aren’t working ,without sleep body feels worse I must admit without my family don’t know what I would do.I felt really ill last night probably not eating much but when I saw the concern on my daughters face,she stayed with me last night,I started to think Steve wouldn’t want his family suffering like this,I know I have to be stronger or at least try take care Michael x

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78

I have been feeling sick all morning,I cried a lot first thing as well,eating is one of the hardest things when you are grieving and then the sleeping,I too are on pills Zopiclone 7.5 ,thought I would sleep all night but no awake at 3.00am staring at the ceiling again. Michael.

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Aww Michael,my doctor give me zopiclone they aren’t working always wake up early hours and try to read to get me tired again.I just don’t know how we can help ourselves that sick,heart thumping feeling is awful someone text me said that’s another weekend you’ve got through as though that makes a difference.People who haven’t lost there spouse has no idea,this isn’t just a loss its traumatic,life changing.Keep writing to us all we are here to help each other x

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80

Today is 4 weeks since she left me,I am in a very dark place today,I am sick of living like this without her,much too painful,wish it was me instead of her.So alone,family have no idea what is happening to me,they hardly call me to see if I am ok,I get no visits either,I have asked them to come but they say they cannot,too painful to visit her house,well what about me I have to live here with all the memories.Wish I could go to sleep and not wake up .This life is over for me so why hang around .

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Michael you need to speak with your doctor,get an appointment with a grief counsellor you have to keep talking to people who can help you,can you not visit a friend or family x

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