Heartbroken

I lost my mum on 12/1/20 she was only 55 , we tried so hard with cpr , police , first response, ambulance all came and they tried but sadly nothing. My mum was looking after the grand chrildren that night she was fine. Police messed up the report wrong date and didn’t put through the system to the coroner it’s all been a mess and in shock with the loss this process with police everything , my brother is leaving me to do everything her apartment , paperwork and funeral . I can’t sleep keep busy then crash not wanting to talk and can’t be bothered with people . Am lost

Hi Danielle I’m so sorry to hear about the loss of your mum and the very stressful circumstances that you had to witness. There are no words, just take each hour as it comes. My brother left me to arrange everything but to be honest that was the way I wanted it as I was a lot closer to my mum and knew what she liked/disliked.

My mum died the day before yours but it wasn’t totally unexpected we did get a couple of days warning. I’m just functioning on autopilot at the moment but joined this site as so many other understand the loss we are feeling and I find I can’t open up to my friends, I seem to end up comforting them!

You are going through such an horrendous time but reach out to people, here, your gp, cruse, it helps.

Stay strong xx

Thank you for your reply , the funeral is tomorrow and am scared and now it’s feeling real she is gone. And I don’t want that.

Love Danielle

Hi danielle
I’m so sorry you lost your mum. I lost mine in june and I still cant believe it. She was my everything and accepting their sudden death is impossible.
My mum was 74 and she was there one minute, gone the next, killed by a sudden bleed on the brain that couldnt be treated.
My dad also died suddenly when I was 27 and he was 53. A sudden heart attack.
Do they know what happened to your mum? 55 is very young.
I will be thinking of you with the funeral tomorrow. A horrible day but one that you find you wont think about months down the line.
Cheryl x

Hello, Danielle, welcome to this group, you will receive compassion and understanding from this wonderful group of people. I am so sorry that your mum passed away, so young too, I have a daughter your mum’s age and a son 3 years younger. I am very sorry too, that everything was messed up, have you thought of tackling your brother? It is hardly fair that you should be the one to attend to everything, after all you are both grieving for your mum.
MaryL x

Thank you for reply, my mum died from heart failure all this has come as a big shock my mum was my best friend , my older 2 boys are handling it well for now but never been to a funeral my youngest who is 9 was very very close to my mum and would stop there every Friday with her and she would spoil him rotten. He does not want to come funeral we gave him a choice but he said he doesn’t want to be sadder and he loves grandma.
I have never felt pain and sadness like this before , I am paste in up and down a lot can’t sleep keeping busy .

Hi Danielle I too was scared regarding the funeral as it meant it was real and I couldn’t escape facing that. Seeing the hurst for the first tine is the hardest thing ever but then it’s all surreal and your instinct as a mother will be looking out for your children tomorrow to make sure they are ok. I feared the funeral so much (a week ago tomorrow) but at the same tine I wanted it out if the way so that I could start to do my grieving in my own way without everyone looking at you and wishing you well. In actual fact it wasn’t anything to fear it was your “official” goodbye but then it’s your time, at your own pace and believe me the good memories will be making you smile in between your tears.
Stay strong, remember you are not alone we are all sending you strength and understand completely
Mary xx

Thank you for your reply, I hope I find this strength

Hi danielle,

Heart failure at 55 is so shocking isnt it? My mums post morterm showed advanced heart disease and we had absolutely no idea. We thought she would go on till 90.
Life is so short and very cruel. My mum brought my 12 year old daughter with me as I split up with her dad when I was expecting her. My mum moved in with us 10 months before she died. She did all my childcare and loved my daughter so much. My daughter is heartbroken but opts to not talk about her nanny which I find very difficult.
Ive now had to employ a childminder for when I’m at work and it’s so hard that my mum isnt looking after her anymore. She would be completely devastated if she knew she had died.
Wishing you well for tomorrow. The day itself will be ok. Its afterwards that it gets hard, when well wishers have all gone back to their own lives and the phone calls stop or people express surprise that you are still struggling months down the line.
Will be thinking of you x

So sorry you are going through this. It’s a very traumatic time. Really dark days. The funeral goes by in a blur. I felt very detached from it all. Looked at the hearse knew mum wasn’t in it really. Just a body. Her spirit left the minute she died. I saw her in the chapel of rest which confirmed they are just a shell. The funeral a horrible formality. It’s a surreal sad day. But after a few weeks you won’t really think about that day. I know I didn’t. And still don’t. It’s a long hard road for sure. With every feeling and emotion imaginable. Just be kind to yourself is all the advice I have been given and I give to others.

Danielle1, I’m so sorry for the loss of your Mum.
I lost my Mum suddenly nearly four months ago from pneumonia and a sudden heart attack. I still can’t quite believe I’m writing these words. She was 74.
Make sure you take care for yourself. The people on here are lovely and I hope you find comfort on these boards. x

Hello again, Danielle,
I do understand that your son does not want to attend his grandma’s funeral, our grandson is 30 years old. He still cannot handle his granddad’s death, I feel so sorry for him, he and Stan were loving friends, Stan taught him to fish, shoot and gave him a love of the countryside. He rang me a few days ago and I asked him if he was ready to talk about his granddad, not really, grandma was the reply, I’d rather not. I am trying to order 3 copies of a beautiful book, called “Waterbugs and Dragonflies”. It was written for children and explains to children about death, when I say trying, Amazon UK are playing silly d****s and will not accept my credit card.
It will all come out in the wash.
I am thinking about you, take care and be kind to yourself.
Love,
MaryL x

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