Heartbroken

Mondays are always a tough day for me. After spending the weekend at home missing my husband, I then have to come to work and do it all over again as we worked together, even sharing an office.
My darling husband passed away on 27th December 2022 after just a six week battle with cancer. He was only 52 and before this, was extremely fit and well. I don’t think we had even come to terms with his diagnosis before he started deteriorating so quickly.
I watched him take his last breath which is the only memory my mind will let me replay at the moment. I try so hard to remember holidays or days out or just him but the day he passed away is the only thing I can think about. We were together 10 years and married for 5. It was a second marriage for both of us and we were beyond happy. He was my soul mate, my best friend, my rock and I thanked my lucky stars every day that we had found each other. So how is it fair that he’s now been taken from me. I have three wonderful children (24. 22 & 17) who have been totally amazing and I’m so lucky to have an amazing support network of family and friends but i just feel so lonely without him all of the time.
I just don’t know how I’m meant to carry on my life without him. We had so many plans, places to go and memories to make but life just seems so pointless now. Whenever I’m doing anything, like work or shopping or cleaning, stripping the bed or preparing dinner, I find myself thinking ‘what’s the point’.
I know it’s very early days (almost 9 weeks) but I honestly can’t ever see a time where I won’t feel like this.

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I am so sorry for your loss.i feel exactly the same as you i lost my partner in nov 22 we had such a great relationship were making so many plans for retirement he was only 58 and died suddenly of a dvt…i too go to work feeling as if its pointless i too have a wonderful son and daughter but theyust get on with their lives…i just pray thro time it gets easier for all of us on this journey :heart:

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I’m so sorry for your loss too.
I still haven’t come to terms with losing him and I struggle every day to accept that this horrific event has happened to me and our family. I cared for my husband from the moment we found out he was ill to the moment he passed away and now I just feel so lost. I even keep replaying footage from our ring doorbell just so I can see him, but then that makes me upset . I just want to fast forward to 4/5 years down the line so it doesn’t feel so raw xx

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My husband passed away on 27 Dec 22 too. Just 3 days before his 52nd birthday. Some days it just doesn’t seem real, I still imagine him sitting in the living room. Going out and knowing that he won’t be waiting at home for me is the most difficult . But sometimes I feel normal and it then hits me again and again.

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I’m so sorry you lost your husband on the same day as mine and that they were almost the same age too.
I still think I hear his voice from the living room when I’m upstairs. He had a very distinctive and infectious laugh. I totally understand what you mean about him not being there when you get home. It’s just so heartbreaking isn’t it? X

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I didn’t realise I could experience so much pain. No one understands unless they have gone through it. It’s unimaginable. I feel envious of couples but then feel sorry for them knowing that one of them is going to experience this.

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I know exactly what you mean. It’s the worst pain I’ve ever experienced and it doesn’t ever seem to get easier. Today hasn’t been a good day :cry:

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Can imagine how you wish to fast forward to maybe a few years on when you will start to feel better !
I wish it was so simple but grief doesn’t work like that I’m afraid . It is a process and we all deal in a different way . No one’s grief journey is the same . We are all our own person with our own experience . You are still a young person, still having to work so need to get up every day and carry on. This in itself will keep you going even though you think not at present .
There is no magic formula , no getting over it ! We all learn to live in a different way . We feel we will never be happy again and sometimes we aren’t or at least not in the way we were . There will be times of joy with family and friends but always that person missing . Life goes on but take a day at a time and try not to look too far ahead . Just cope with the moment and reach out to those who care :two_hearts:

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God I can relate to all of this. I also wish I were a few years forward. I know it’s individual and a process, but according to some ‘long timers’ on here it seems to get more manageable a few years in. I don’t normally wish my life away, but this isn’t living. Shopping for one is just hideous. Not buying Mags’ toiletries kills me every time. I just want her back. Take care, fellow zombies. Xxxx

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I know my Sue Passed 15 Jan 2023

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@dave13 and @OzMags in the beginning it is a crap show, my emotions had me thinking and doing all kinds of things to fix the grief, no such luck. We still have love for our wives but they are no longer there to receive it, which really hurts. I can relate to the living dead, as i was with my soulmate for 43yrs the time without her is still only a blink of any eye, so no it will be a constant battle to find crumbs of joy. Keep safe guys.

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