It’s been just over 6 weeks since I lost my husband. Most days it feels like living my life through someone else’s eyes, like your going through the motions. I walk the dog, I’m there with him but it feels like it’s just my shell walking with him. I go to the shop and again, it’s like my mind has hitchiked a ride in another body .
It just seems to get harder and life gets quiter. The overwhelming emptiness and sadness just becomes such a heavy weight to carry round.
At first the weekends felt the worse, then evenings but now I can’t predict it. Grief just raises it’s head at any given moment. I used to busy myself as much as possible to stop me thinking about it but that doesn’t even work anymore.
I miss my husband do much. I have a good family and friends who check in with me frequently, but grief seems to pick its own time, like it knows when you are most vulnerable.
People tell me I’ll never get over it, which I understand after losing my brother some years ago but… I’m not sure how that helps. I know when I think if my brother now I don’t think about the sadness if his loss but just think about the happiness of his life, but my brain won’t connect that with my husband, it just won’t let me.
I was only little when my brother passed, so now, as an adult, I’m really shocked at how little help and support there is. I’ve registered with cruse for counselling and have my assessment o. Monday but have already been told it’ll be 12 weeks before sessions begin.
The thought of carrying this devastating heavy sadness around for all that time seems impossible. I just don’t know how much strength and reserve I have
Hi Karen I’m sorry for your loss. I lost my mum it be 6 weeks tomorrow and I lived with my mum.
Like you it’s the evenings what are the worst I feel very lonely most nights like you I have friends and family but they are starting to distance themselves now. They probably think 6 weeks on I should be alright but I’m not this is when it’s hitting me the most.
I guess what you said about just going through the montions is what I’m probably doing and not realising it. I have signed up for counselling in my area and I have to wait 8 weeks doesn’t seem fair we have to wait when we feel ready for it now. Take Care x
Yes, I think today is one of those tidal wave days, going to be a really hard one with floods of tears. I’m never sure whether it’s better for me to allow it to happen or wether I’m better making myself do something to try and push it back. it’s just that’s all you do, push it back for another time and then it seems even more intense. There aren’t even any group therapy sessions where I live, just nothing, that I can find. Even my counselling is going to be on zoom which is better than nothing but right now I feel having to force myself out into the world to face other people would be a positive thing for me. I have to go back to work in ten days and the thought of keeping it together and not break down in front of staff and students seems impossible x
Bless you Karen I know what your going though I lost my husband in August and I just can’t move on. Most days go by in a daze. nights I lie awake crying wishing I could bring him back now today (sunday) seems my worst day of week I feel so alone. My heart is broken and nothing can mend it. Thinking of Jim today and Sunday was our day we would spend I together with no one else around . We was together everyday as I was his career but Sunday were special we would just watch videos together now I can’t ever do that everything has changed and I hate it I miss him so much. Will go up cemetery later as I have done everyday since funeral tell him what’s going on and how I miss him hope he can hear me. I know he would say do your best sweetheart and try to cope but it’s not easy and I’m really struggling . Plus my little dogs not very well today so that’s a worry . I feel like what’s the point of even being here just a burden on everyone. I feel the tears coming again God help me please
I know, it’s just so unbearable, you feel like you can’t breathe at times, and other times you don’t want to breathe. I just keep thinking if I got I’ll now, it would actually be a relief. I’d opt for no treatment to make my time come quicker. My poor husband would hate that because I’ve always been one of those overly optimistic people with a positive outlook on life. My glass was always half full, never half empty. These days however, it’s a complete 360 turn around. I just can’t dig deep enough to escape this feeling of utter devastation
hi Karen
its still early days yet dont try to do much too soon only do what you feel is right for you if you want to cry all day do so it the way to release those emosions if you hold them back it will just be harder
just take one day at a time with baby steps along the way i lost my husband nearly 10 weeks ago now so know how you feel everystep of the way
it will get easier as you go along but expect too much just follow your feelings and think of what your husband would say to you
I have not gone through a day without breaking down at the sudden and unexpected passing of June my wife of 4 decades plus. It happened just over six weeks ago too and we had to wait a full month to the day for her Funeral. Each day is a bad day as far as I am concerned. We had no family so I’m here on my own. I don’t go out unless to pick up food. I have lost 2 st but wouldn’t recommend the diet to anyone. Life changed for me like turning off the light switch. It went out and is over. People on here understand- they are going through it experiencing it. I keep replaying what I witnessed over and over in my mind. Not in a good place. June was the mentally strong one whereas I was the one blessed with good health. I don’t know why as June was so much better than me in every respect. Tony
Hi Tony
6 weeks is not that long as you are still raw from junes death so breaking down for no reason is natural and as she passed so suddenly it is going to keep comeing into you mind and when you were togethe so long its big piece of that life gone you are still healing ao dont expect for things to get better too quickly but the tears will slow with time i lost my husband nearly 10 weeks ago now we were together 56 yrs and married just under 54 ys so i understand how you fell the tears are slowing down a bit for me now but my husband didnt die suddenly as he had been ill for some years and his health had been getting worse over the last few months once he was admitted into hospital i was with him for the last 48hrs and things did happen faster than i had hoped but even though it was expected its still hard
i still have bad days and for no reason at all i can cry but not as bad as it was so there is hope for getting better but still feel empty inside
look after yourself and keep taking those small steps
My Father died in 2010. He had been ill for decades and towards the end we all knew he was going to pass. He was on the Liverpool Pathway now outlawed. I had to prepare myself for his passing for best part of 30 years I suppose but it still affected me. Looking back what a waste of time it was trying to prepare myself for his loss.
June was a different matter. Although in poor health (Multiple Sclerosis and Cancer survivor) her passing happened out of the blue (heart). We were together 24/7 no hobbies - no time. If I was not at home I was not far away and kept a check by phone. It was such a shock to see it all unfold in front of me. I have gone through and still am all the emotions guilt anger etc.
I wish you all the best Pat and hope the days and nights improve for you and I and everyone else suffering. Take good care and stay safe. Tony
Hi Tony and pat, I am so for your losses. I was with my husband 11 years but we only actually got married two and a half years ago. I’d known him all my life. We had both been married before in very absuive marriages, but when we got together we were both in absolute bliss. We couldnty do enough for one another and always appreciated what we did for each other. We spent all our free time together, we enjoyed fishing, woodworking, days out or just each others company. My husband, Ian, was 66 and I’m 51 and I feel that I’ve got so many years ahead of me without him it’s unbearable. He died suddenly, he went into hospital early hours on the Thursday and by the Thursday night I was told they didn’t expect him to last the next 24 hours. He passed the Friday afternoon, he had sepsis and they amputated his leg but he never came round from the surgery. It has absolute devastation, I just can’t believe even now, I can’t imagine how I will ever except it. I only know it’s real because as each day passed the whole left becomes bigger a d more consuming. I will never ever use the word “sad” in haste again because now I understand what sadness really is.
Love Karen
Firstly I’m very sorry to hear your story. Another sudden loss. June was 66 same age as me. I used to tease her as she was 9 months older than me and she married a toy boy! It’s not fair is it that there are so many evil people in this world who seem to sail through life without a care in the world. There may well be something in the saying the good die young.
I have never known pain or distress like the last six weeks. There are some good people on here and hopefully with time we will learn to live with our loss. Never forget but live the remainder of our time.
so sorry for your loss and all so quick too its hard when you know it will happen but must be a whole lot harder when it is so sudden
just go slowly one day at a time with baby steps hope you have family and friends to support you
Thank you, yes o have fily and friends who have been great, it’s just the same as what many others say that you don’t like to let go and cry and tell people just how bad you feel and how awful life is without your loved one, like a broken record. it’s the times you are on your own that’s the worse. Thank you both for your kind words x
your wecome Karen thats what this site is all about helping and caring about all the people who are going through the same things as we are in our grief we might not be able to meet up and chat face to face but we can write everything down of how we feel and get help and support from each other
Just wanted to say I had my first counselling session with cruse today and it was really good. The session was hard, I cried through most of it and was completely drained by the end of it but was really good. She gave me some ideas about a back to work plan in the future, she made me realise not to worry about what other people think, making a memory box and how to cope over weekends, as there my worst time. Lots of information for me to digest. She made me feel better about taking time off from work and recommended what further time I should take.bi feel like a guilt Weight has been lifted and that it’s okay for me to concentrate on myself and my grief x
Hi Karen
thats really good it sounded as if its already helped you and its true i never worry what any body else thinks if they dont like it they can go away theres plenty more people that do care
its seems as if shes given you plenty to do and good ideas will keep busy glad you took that first step
good luck keep posting to let us knowhow you are getting on will help others too to reach out
Hi, I felt every word and It gets harder before it gets easier, I’m over 2 years on and he’s always on my mind, but I can smile about him now instead of crying all the time. I too force myself to walk the Dog every day! Life is Never the same , but somehow we find a way to carry on, it’s a different You, People are amazing but after a while life goes on while Ours stood still. Heartbreaking Life where everything has changed, and your so lost. I still am, but my sisters and children, are never far away! I lost most of my friends apart from 2 as they couldn’t handle the damaged ME. Keep walking the dog, keep talking about your husband to all who will listen. Much love . Xx
Ki Karen
i agree totaly with you i am 10 weeks now since i lost my husband but having my dog has helped a lot seems as if they help you to carry on i go out with her 3 times a day and back to my dog walks with everyone twice a month scared at going to the first one as just hoping people would just treat me normal not be over whelming withe the oh how are you that just bring the tears as you have to keep saying ok when your not realy but once i got there and every one greeted me and looby back i felt glad i did it and look forward again of going lots of friends and supporters who pick me up to take me there and back
and nothing can mend it. Thinking of Jim today and Sunday was our day we would spend I together with no one else around . We was together everyday as I was his career but Sunday were special we would just watch videos together now I can’t ever do that everything has changed and I hate it I miss him so much. Will go up cemetery later as I have done everyday since funeral tell him what’s going on and how I miss him hope he can hear me. I know he would say do your best sweetheart and try to cope but it’s not easy and I’m really struggling . Plus my little dogs not very well today so that’s a worry . I feel like what’s the point of even being here just a burden on everyone. I feel the tears coming again