Just over a year since I lost Helen and got to say still feels like yesterday at times, 38 years and now on my own. I talk to Helen every day and I light candles every night and I do believe that one day I will see her again. It is hard I work Part time now and I do see friends and family but no matter how many people are around me I still feel so lonely. Grief is love its a different kind of love I know but it is a price we pay for loving someone so much. Helen pushed me and made me a better person, she would arrange all holidays and helped me go on all my adventures, Helen was instrumental in me getting my job or all my jobs and when I had to study she was a great help and I could not have done it without Helen. I now sit and wonder if I will ever go abroad again I know I will never be that same happy guy that I used to be. Helen was my hero she was the bravest person I have ever met and through hard times Helen was strong, dignfied and the character she showed just made me so proud to be her Husband. Sue Ryder has been a great help to me as well and would just like to say a big thank you for all the messages you sent in the last year.
Ged
That’s lovely. I could have written this myself only with my partner not your wife.
Life is so hard without them.
Just feels strange now unreal like I’m in a dream. My thoughts with you Ali.
I’m 8 months in and yes, it’s surreal. I have a life to live but it’s not the same without him but I just have to do it a different way. I really enjoyed our life but it’s not a life I can do without him. I want a life that’s different now and to be happy again, hopefully in time I will get there.
I wish you a very happy future Ali, thank you for taking the time to answer.
@Ged1 sorry for the loss of Helen. This really is a difficult path to negotiate. We were together 37 years so very similar to yourself. My husband passed away in April this year so I’m earlier on this journey than you. I am making an effort to forge a new life but it’s certainly not the life I had planned or envisaged. Hopefully it can be a happy one in time. Take care.
Thank you for your kind words and sorry to here of your loss, it’s strange how grief works as it’s just recently that more thoughts have come into my head, I took care of Helen especially last 6 months and it was an honour (if that does not sound daft) to take care of someone who i love to the ends of the earth, i wish i could have given her half my heart beats. I wish you well and thank you.
Lost my husband after 38!years last august. His funeral a year ago today. Feel the same way as you do. No children but have friends but still hate coming back to lonely empty house. Take care
Yes it’s hard to come home to silence but sometimes I feel like the house is our place and it’s like a big hug if you know what I mean. Thoughts with you.
Yes I know what you mean if I have been out to see friends then I feel glad to come back to the house. But if I am in the house all day on my own I feel lonely and sad without the same comforting feelings. Take care
Somebody once told me … grief is love with nowhere to go … 
i hate this life now ! Miss my husband so much … i think i might just pack up, sell my house and just bog off somewhere ! Anywhere as long as its not here … ! Only problem is dunno where yet … would just like to feel slightly happy again … but i dunno if i am ever gonna again x
Feeling the same Deb. Trouble is, I don’t think I will ever feel very happy anywhere without my dear husband.
Exactly … how are we gonna be happy again ? It doesnt matter where we are … its crap whatever we do … home, away, anywhere… that rubbish feeling of being alone and unloved … my kids dont help ! On one again and being awkward ! Im so sick of them bringing me down all the time when they should be looking after the mother who gave birth to them !!! Theyre little sods !!! xx
@Deb5 I know what you mean about running away but don’t know where I’d go. I decided I wanted to run away from the loneliness and utter sadness I’m feeling. Then I realised I would just be taking it with me so instead I’m trying to make my life better in the home we both made together. J x
Yeh i know … just all gets a bit much sometimes doesnt it xxx
@Rome18 and @Deb5. Yes it does get too much! I just try and keep busy so the daytime’s not too bad but the evenings and going to bed and waking up alone are just awful! J x
Yeh … mornings are awful … sometimes at night im too tired as i think grief is exhausting sometimes … but i been dreaming about him this week … dunno why ? He must be in my subconsiousness … i think its cos i miss him … he was my rock snd he protected me from a lot of crap … i can see that now … we have lost so much havent we ? xx
@Deb5 My husband actually said I was his rock when he was ill! It was only 7 weeks from being taken ill to him going. I just didn’t have time to process what was happening and I did what I could as anyone would when they love someone! Those weeks were very precious to us! You just don’t think about the afterwards! J x
@Jax2 I agree, even when you know it’s going to happen nothing prepares you for it. We found out in January my husband was terminal and by April he was gone. Much sooner than everyone thought. I think I was in denial, thinking maybe they got it wrong and he’d be here for years.