Hello all

I lost my beautiful husband on 14 May 2020. He contracted coronavirus on 12 April and was in hospital for 14 days. Miraculous he recovered and was discharged. He died two weeks later from aspiration pneumonia. It was so sudden. He was vulnerable as he was a donor recipient due to him being diagnosed with cancer of the liver 7 years ago.
I am so heartbroken. I am crying as I am writing this message. He was just my husband he was was my best friend. I thought I was coping and had gotten over the worst of it, but the last week has been so painful for me. We didn’t have children but have wonderful family and friends. Sorry for rambling but I just wanted to speak to others who understand my pain.
Thank you for reading.

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Dear NikiAE
I am so sorry to hear that you have lost your husband. I understand exactly how you feel as my husband died suddenly on 30th June and I am devastated.
I think you are expecting too much of yourself if you thought you were getting over it. I wish we could get over it that quickly but if you loved him, and you clearly did, that isn’t really possible.
The only way I can cope is by getting through each day, hour by hour. Life will never be the same but our husbands would hate our lives to be ruined by their passing. At the moment, like you, I think it is so hard to carry on but I do it in honour of my beloved husband.
Do keep posting if it helps. It has helped me and I have made friends with a particular lady on here who is helping me so much. She says I help her too, which is lovely, but chatting to her is calming and she even makes me laugh, which I never thought I would do again. Keep safe. I am thinking of you.

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You just ramble away. I wish more people would ramble away. Of course he was your best friend. Of course he was everything. Of course you are broken. Don’t think about time, don’t think about moving on or doing things to a pattern. It just does not work like that. I came on here thinking there was some “solution” to how damned awful I was feeling. I didn’t get one. Not at all. But what I did get was a hundred and one different ways of working through the mess, and I could pick and choose from those the ones that helped. Some did. They ARE a good lot of people on here : stick with it. You will find a way through. And stop apologizing - ( my worst habit ) - say what you feel, say what you want, and I wish you all the best will in the world.

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Thank you AnnR for your reassuring message. You are probably right that I am too hard on myself and definitely right that my husband would hate our lives to be ruined by their passing. He always told me to never look back and enjoy life. I want too be it’s so hard. Thank you again.

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Wil58, thank you for reaching out to me. Your message resonates with my feelings right now. I will stick with this forum. I know it won’t have all the answers but if it makes my grief more tolerable, I am ok with that. That you again.

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NikiAE I understand your pain my husband passed away very suddenly four weeks ago age 56 from a heart attack . He hadn’t been poorly at all before not heart problems breathing problems or anything ,he was a nurse and was obsessed about having covid tests .
It came as a massive shock to me and my family . You have had so many hurdles to get over and you will get over them I’m sure . Don’t ever feel your alone there is lots of support on here from people who are experiencing the same pain as you . Sending hugs take care x

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Thank you Kazzer for reaching out to me and sorry for your loss. I can only imagine what you are going through, at least I had some warning. Too lose someone as suddenly as you did is heartbreaking.
My husband was also 56 years old when he died. Reading the messages on this forum has given me comfort knowing that I am not alone. I think my grief would be more bearable if we didn’t have lockdown.
Thank you again Kazzer :blush:

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You are so correct NikiAE that grief may be more bearable if it wasn’t for lockdown. This year must be one of the the hardest in memory for fear and uncertainty. Grieving takes all your energy in the early stages but with fear on top to cope with it is really draining. i think we are coping amazingly well given the circumstances. We are supporting each other and that will get us through. Keep sharing, forgiving and loving. That is what makes the world go round.

So sorry nikiAE for your loss , the lovely words so eloquently put across resonate so well ,I lost my lovely wife and best friend of 25 years in July this year ,still cry daily and so wish for a miracle hoping it has all been a bad dream ,everyone on this site has suffered a similar issue and is so helpful,think it helps you realise you are not alone in your thoughts ,helps with people further down the line who are saying they feel signs of recovery .
Once again so very sorry ,think I cry now as much about my future lost as I do the actual instance of Eileens passing ,feel so sorry as well for our daughter who is also grieving the loss of her mum and the loss of her Dad as the personality she knew ,hope one day he will come back for her ,yes of course Covid restrictions and job insecurity are other things that have just added up to a real shitstorm of a year
I really send you all the strength I can muster for you to get through
Steve

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Good morning Steve
Thank you so much for your message this morning. I understand your pain. Bereavement is so painful and the anxiety and that comes with it compounds the pain even further.
The messages of support from this forum has helped me realise that I am not alone and that others are experiencing similar feelings as I am.
I have been blessed with a strong family and good friends who contact me regularly, however as much as their comfort, support and prayers have been good, it’s only hearing from others who are going through bereavement that really appreciate and understand what you are going through.
Please make sure your daughter gets some support and stay strong and positive.
Thank you again
Niki

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