I’m new to this site, this is my first posting, only 6 weeks into this long horrendous journey of grief, I’ve been reading posts over those weeks and have found both comfort and dispare from them.
Comfort at the understanding and compassion you all show, yet dispare at what is ahead of me, how this awful pain can remain for years.
I’m taking advice from many of your comments on taking one day at a time, it was one breath at a time at first, I felt like I was suffercating and downing at the same time.
The loss of my husband, soul mate, best friend, has changed me and my life forever, I’m trying to come to terms with it, not a day has passed without many tears, when I can’t sleep during the night, or feel devastated during the day, I turn to this site, and read and read until I feel able to cope for another hour, so a very big thank you to all of my fellow sufferers for helping me to put one step in front of the other.
Please keep posting, your really helping.
Maybe one day in the future I’ll be of some help to someone here too.
Hugs to you for reading this, x
Hello Chrissy ,
I’m so sorry about the loss of your husband . It’s 9 weeks for me since my mum passed away and these early weeks are horrendous . All we can do is take it a day at a time . It does change you , I will never go back to the person I used to be because part of me died with my mum . Keep checking in here as it does help to read and get advice from others who are going through exactly the same . Take good care of yourself and I’m here if you need to chat .
Love Angie xx
Hi Chrissy ,
So sorry for the loss of your husband. It takes a lot of guts to actually post on here.
I lost my husband November 2019, so I’m about 21 months along this terrible road.
Just to say, I was like you, constantly reading the posts, everyone’s heartbreaking stories, although so sad it does help you to cope for an hour or so to know you’re not the only one in the world suffering, as it really does feel like that.
It took me three months to have the courage to post, and I’m so thankful I did, without it, I don’t think I would be here now. Grief is such a lonely place with no one around us that understands, but coming on here and reading about what we are facing everyday, it’s a relief in a way, that we’re not going mad.
I’ve made some lovely friends on here too, we all support each other and without that I don’t know where I would be.
So keep reading, it will definitely help you through the dark hours, it’s still so early days for you, you will still be in shock of it all .
There’s always people here to listen.
Take care
Steph x
Hi Chrissy, I remember not being able to get my breath when my husband died suddenly. I would be gasping for air and saying to myself 'I can’t, I can’t, I can’t ’ and the thought would come to me just
stop and breathe for a few minutes. The feeling would pass and I would carry on- until the next time.
You will get through this and yes your world will never be the same again but you will begin a different way of being. I listen to different music, read different books and I’m different in myself, stronger and less tolerant of people pouring their negativity on me. Take care and keep talking about your feelings xx
Thank you for your reply, I’m sorry for your loss, I can relate to you having already lost my mum years ago, it’s still very early days for you, we have a long and hard road ahead of us, it is comforting to beable to reach out to others who really understand, I will keep coming to this site, you are right it does help, so maybe we will chat again, until then you take care of yourself too.
Love Chrissy xx
Thank you for your reply, I feel for your suffering the loss of your husband, glad that you were able to find the courage to post on this site, and getting some form of comfort from it no matter how small, we all need that, to know we are not alone and can reach out to other’s when we need is such a help.
I hadn’t thought of my being in shock, you have given me something to think about, so thank you for that.
You take care too.
Love Chrissyxx
Thank you for replying, it’s sad that you have lost your husband too, a loss like no other.
You described it just as it was for me too, I found comfort in that, knowing its not just me going crazy.
I’m glad to hear you have found your new way of life, reading , listening to music, all sound a nice way to move forward a little, I get what you mean about being less tolerant of people and their negativity, being stronger in yourself must help a lot, I am getting there, having to deal with things myself has helped with that. You don’t realise just how much paper work you have to get through!
Thank you for you good positive advice, and reassuring words that, I will get through this awful time.
You take care.
Love Chris’s xx
Thank you for your reply, and welcome.
It’s sad that we have to come to sites like this because it means we are all grieving, but I’m very thankful to have found it, just knowing I’m not alone on this road, and talking I’m sure will help. I hope you are having a good day today.
You take care.
Love Chrissy xx
Hi Chrissy
This site has been a tremendous help for me. I am finally feeling like I’m not going crazy since all these people are going through the same pain as I am. Barbara
I lost my husband on 10th June this year it was very sudden and unexpected. I miss him so much as lockdown meant we were doing more together. I can’t seem to grieve properly and hate when people say it takes time. When I’m on my own I cry and feel so lonely because I miss him so much. He was my world and we had so many plans to celebrate this year’s. We would have been married 40 years and the loss is unbearable.
I find the evenings and weekends the worst and I go to bed most nights early as I can’t bear sitting alone. I don’t think I’m ever going to get over this and each day is a struggle.
I’m new too and I am also finding it reassuring to read other people’s experiences and realise that what I am feeling is quite normal. My husband died 6weeks ago. It is only in this last 3 weeks that I am starting to really believe it and it is so painful and exhausting. Sometimes I can function quite normally and other times I am a crying mess.
It’s about 8 months from the loss of Michael, it’s not just about them it’s all life you knew goes, I had a counsellor it was just a phone one which wasn’t wonderful but it did help me,I let Michael go in the end, l still miss Michael every day, but now I just accept the day as it is, I don’t look at tomorrow and accept the minute the hour that’s all you can do in the end and in the end you find a bit of peace sometimes I cry like everybody else and sometimes I just reflect and miss dreadfully, but there is one thing you can’t stop you’re alive and you have to live you can’t live in the pain, it’s damaging, I watched a program once about grief it says four stages and they are right the first stage is the actual death the second stay which is the worst of all is the pain you can’t stop it you just have to get to it……and people are right writing on here does help lots and lots of hugs
Keep going Chrissy, it’s early days for you and this grief is devastating. Your world has been turned upside down… I lost my husband Tony just before lockdown, facing heartbreak and isolation, was so cruel.
It’s a rollercoaster, just when you think it’s a little bit better it suddenly hits like a rock. Learning to live on your own, is scary, lonely and life changing. I feel part of me went with him and missing his voice, touch, hugs, and every part of him is so so painful.
I hope I can help someone by telling you, Tony was my second husband, I lost , My Ist husband 22 years before in a sudden death, i was in hospital after major surgery at the time, it was horrific, handling grief, pain and recovery , our daughters grief was unbelievable.
People told me your young, you’ll meet someone else, I didn’t want anyone else I wanted my darling husband back, we’d been married 31 years , soul mates,
BUT… I got through it bit by bit, never happy but keeping going. Then I met Tony , also widowed, finally we married and enjoyed 18 wonderful years , never forgetting our first partners but living beside them. Sadly Tony was taken ill and I nursed him for several years with a rare disease, which was. cruel to watch, he died at home in my arms. I felt broken. I knew the pattern grief would take and feared it, now it’s a bit easier, still get bad times, tears fall, and longing to have him back never goes.
What I’m trying to say is it will become easier, but no time limit, only do what feels right for you. Your grief is different from everyone else’s, .
It’s ok to cry, or shout, it’s what we pay for loving someone.
Get through it tiny bit by bit, feel proud when you do something you thought you couldn’t, you’ll be pleased with yourself. And a different life will slowly emerge, not the same but different and liveable., the rollercoaster will slow down.
I feel for you , you will get there
Love Christina xxx
Hello Chrissy, so sorry for your loss.
It’s only been 4 weeks since my partner/best friend died suddenly and alone and though I’ve been down this road with my parents 12 and 10 years ago, there is no map or timeline to this journey. I do not know when I will have dry eyes again, will I sleep, the overwhelming sadness, and the feeling of devastation throughout my body.
But I take some comfort posting ans reading on here, it was my 1st post too, because everyone is or has gone through the same and understand what we are going through.
I wish I had found this site years ago.
Take care xx
@Christina7 thank you for telling us about your marriages. I am so sorry your husbands died, but glad you found those wonderful men. You are correct life goes on. It isn’t the life we were expecting, but we need to try and survive somehow. Your post gave me hope that hopefully someday this life full of sadness and bleakness will clear a bit. I am nearly 9 months in. Coping just, managing to function better, but still struggling. Just taking life a little bit at a time, and not planning anything very far ahead. Best wishes to you and all others crawling along on this journey we didn’t want.
