Hello, this is my first post…I hope it’s ok to share a little bit about myself.
Over the last 10 years I have lost so many loved ones, seemingly just one after the other, and I don’t feel as though I have grieved properly.
My brother died of a heart attack 10 years ago, my lovely Dad died of cancer 9 years ago, and my Mum…who was my best friend in the world, died 6 years ago, also of cancer. From diagnosis to the day she died was just 6 weeks.
I’ve also lost both of my aunties, my cousin, my uncle, and a very close family friend. My 1st husband, who I had remained really good friends with, passed away after an awful illness 2 years ago.
I have seen two close friends lose their children…one friend, who lived next door to me, had both of her adult children commit suicide…one of them hung herself in her house and my friend came to me when she came home and found her daughter hanging, begging me to help but it was too late. Her son committed suicide in such a horrific way that I still have nightmares about it (it’s too graphic to describe here). Another close friend lost both daughters in a horrific car accident, they were aged 15 and 20. The older girl was my daughters best friend.
So many deaths have really upset me, but I’m not sure I have grieved properly. I am an empath and I am the person everyone comes to with their problems, and for support. People see me as strong, but I’m really not. Inside I’m falling apart, and I don’t know how to cope.
I have a friend in America who lost her son last year and her partner just a few months ago. She is understandably in bits…and I spend hours messaging her and offering support, which I’m more than happy to do…yet I can’t seem to be able to help myself.
Last year I had to have one of my cats put to sleep, and this week I have to have another one put to sleep also. Today I have sobbed for the cat who passed away last year, and for the cat who only has a few more days with me due to a large tumour growing in her mouth. I really feel as though I’m going to go to pieces when I take her to the vet, and all the grief of the last few years is going to come out.
I do have family who love me and support me, but I live alone…my husband of 20 years left me for someone else…another loss. I feel as though I’m losing everyone and everything I care about.
Sorry this is such a long post but I had to put it down in writing, I’ve bottled it up for so long. I would really appreciate any words of comfort or advice to help me come to terms with so much loss.
Hello @Dianne88
Im so sorry for all your losses, its horrific what you have been going through. I’m glad you have friends and family to support you. You have been brave and battling on, but you need to also think of yourself now especially as you said you haven’t grieved, otherwise you will make yourself very ill. You need to put time for yourself to grieve. Please see your GP, they can refer you to counselling. Is this something you would consider.
Sending you hugs
Amy x
Hi Dianne88
I’m so sorry about your losses, and I feel especially about your animals as well. I can’t have animals now, purely for two reasons. The first is about losing them and the heartbreak, the reason why we didn’t have anymore and secondly, since the recent tragic loss of my wife, I feel I can’t have any pets as I denied her the pleasure when she was alive, so can’t have one now, even though it might be good for me.
Loss is loss irrespective of what it’s over, of course it’s all about my wife for me, but crosses over to your feelings about the cats, as it’s guilt and betrayal to my late wife if I ever had another pet.
I wish I could say it gets better with time, well I’m struggling after 10 months, and being on my own isn’t helping, but none of us have had a choice what with Covid etc, but I’m hopeful thAt posting on this site will at least help me understand things better. I will say that it is normal to feel the way we do, that much I have learnt. Does it make it any easier, well I’m still here and still hoping, so I suppose baby steps. Chin up, we are all in the same boat, just that some have been at sea a little longer and for different reasons, but as I say loss is loss, so we all feel that don’t we.
Take care and I hope we both find the tools to help us cope.
Thank you so much for your message Amy…it’s so strange because I am a very emotional person, I cry at absolutely everything…yet I haven’t really cried over my losses as much as I thought I would. I miss them all so much, especially my parents. I know there is a well of tears inside me and I’m just waiting for the trigger. I’m currently going through a health scare myself but I will mention it to my doctor at some point. Thank you for the much needed hugs.
Dianne x
Hello Mikeh,
I’m so very sorry for the loss of your wife…it must be very raw being so recent. I really appreciate you taking the time to offer me support, thank you. I hope you will be ok.
Take care,
Dianne.
You are welcome, we are all suffering the same feelings for different reasons, I wish words could solve our problems, but at least knowing that there are like minded people reaching out does make you feel less alone. I’m no expert but I Just try and fill my heart with the good times, I get comfy somewhere and put some calming music on, it helps, and try and remember a time in my
life when things were good, shut your eyes and try and visualise all the things that were going on, the sights and smells, people, laughter the view, anything. Now try and bring that memory back to present times, use it as a portal to put beauty and colour into the mundane black and white life that grief is keeping you in.
Let your heart be the compass to take you to calmer waters.