Hi all,I’m new on here and just found the site out of loneliness and desperation to find others like me. I lost my husband in February this year and have so far had to get through my daughters wedding, my 50th birthday, our wedding anniversary and what would have been my husbands 60th birthday to name a few. I hate the hours between getting home from work and going back to work as the house is so empty and I’m so lonely without him.
Hi, it’s horrible isn’t it? I lost my partner 3 months ago and like you feel lost and lonely without him. As you know evenings and weekends are the worst. I hate the fact that I now actively have to find things to do. You are not alone, this site is very comforting as we all feel the same. Post whatever you are feeling it helps to get it off your chest. Take care and big hugs.kay. X
Kay is right. Just post on here as we know what you’re going through and understand. I lost my husband Carl on 2nd July. It was sudden and we were/are 58. We retired early so all day is lonely for me. I have to try and occupy every minute. We live in Cornwall but all my friends and sister (only family), are in the Birmingham area. Our home is beautiful but very depressing as it’s so quiet. I’m actually staying with a good friend at the moment and I am moving up here on a temporary basis for support. Carl and I did everything together and had no children. He was everything to me so my world has been turned upside down. I understand your despair. I’m with you as we all are in this forum. Sending you love
Hi I understand what you are feeling lost my partner suddenly in May I have 2 sons living with me and have support from family and friends but I feel lonely I miss all the things we did as a couple take one day at a time and keep posting how you feel because it helps me.
Look after yourself
I understand how crap you feel . Lost my husband who was 60 suddenly in July . One minute we were talking about what we had to do that day the next he had collapsed and I was trying to do CPR . He made it to hospital but died three days later . He had never regained consciousness. I am still in shock . Our 33 rd wedding anniversary has been and gone . His birthday and the anniversary of us first meeting as teenagers is coming and then there is Xmas which he absolutely loved . Me and my three daughters and their boyfriends and my mum are going to have dinner in the pub instead . There are so many ‘firsts ‘ to deal with without our husbands but my eldest daughter reminds me that we have already dealt with the worst thing which is the death of the person we love dearly . I know she is right but children and parents have a different relationship than husband and wife . I lost my dad 20 years ago with cancer and I was absolutely devastated but the pain of losing my husband is on a whole new level . I was telling my youngest daughter yesterday how I miss being hugged by her father and having someone look out for me . She said I will hug you mum and they all do . But when I said I am missing being hugged by their dad in particular she asked me to stop saying it . I said no . I needed to say it because it’s true and told her that I thought I had held it together pretty well so far and needed to get that off my chest and then she was fine and said I know mum . My kids have been brilliant . They are heartbroken like me but they are young , have their boyfriends and hopefully long lives ahead of them . I feel lost but I am plodding on . I visit my husband in the local church most days and hug the cross and kiss the plaque . Luckily I have an old friend of 30 years standing who was widowed 3 years ago who I have kept in touch with and met with on numerous occasions while my husband was alive because he was so lonely who understands about grief who will hug me no strings attached which helps for five minutes but then only reminds me of how much I miss my husband . Sometimes I feel like the thought of never seeing him again is going to drive me crazy but then I pull myself together . I have stuff to do and a business to run . We have a garage and I have had to get more involved in the day to day running of it even though it is totally out of my comfort zone because I used to work with offenders before I retired . Anyway I am rambling now . But I want you to know I feel your pain . We all do on this site . Please post again . I have found that it really helps when I need to let off steam because the others on this site totally get how you feel and will not judge you . Sending big hugs . Romy xxx
Thanks Kay. I have started reading some of the posts and don’t know if it’s better or worse seeing so many people all hurting but also comforting to know I’m not the only one going through this. I thought I was starting to cope then reailaty sets in again and I feel so lost and it seems to be getting harder again x
Thank you x don’t you get sick of people saying it will get easier?
Hi Romy. You hit the nail on the head with the cuddle bit I so crave the physical contact that was in a simple cuddle but meant so much x
Me too . It’s horrible not to be hugged . My daughters hug me but it’s not the same xxx
I agree. It’s that closeness you can only experience with your partner. Holding hands, a cuddle, snuggling up at night, a kiss. Just having that person lying next to you in bed or sitting close on the sofa or chatting over dinner. I miss having someone to share the rest of my life with, who understands me more than anyone else and loves me. It’s so lonely now. I say goodnight to Carl and answer myself the way he did. Sounds silly but I don’t care. It’s how I try and cope. I miss Carl every second of the day and night. It’s awful.
Lin you described what I feel beautifully, that’s everything I miss about Ian. He made me laugh every single day that we were together, I’ve almost forgotten what it’s like to laugh and like you I miss him so very much. What I wouldn’t give to have him back! Take care Lin. Big hugs to you. Kay. Xx
It is total crap Lin and Kay but at least we have been loved . Some people never have that and that is even worse . Sending you lots of love . Romy xxx
Kay and Romy
It is horrible isn’t it but when I’m feeling really down, which is often, thinking I’ll never have my hand in his again or feel him snuggling up to me, I think of all the years I’ve been loved and I loved him back. I’ve probably had more years of happiness than a lot of people have in a lifetime. It’s just that I feel scared that, at 58, I’ve possibly got a long time without him too and then I feel down again. Hopefully one day the happy memories will take over the long periods of despair. Let’s hope eh?!
Lots of love xxx
Hey beautiful ladies,
I so identify with the crappy evenings and weekends. I used to lapse into tears - which were never very far away anyhow - every Friday afternoon because of what was coming. After two years, I still find my mood taking a dip at about 4 o’clock every afternoon. I try to go with Megan Devine’s principle of finding anything that will make it suck a little less.
You all list such a lot of things to miss - and I had one of those men too - so cuddly, affectionate, protective and funny. There are a thousand little daily intimacies that are gone suddenly. It’s brutal.
I like your work-around, Linda, of answering yourself goodnight the way Carl would have. I sleep with my Ken’s picture, and sometimes dress a pillow in one of his tees, spritzing it with his cologne. I’m 52, Linda, and like you, I find the thought of a long wait quite difficult. I look forward to a possible time when having Ken in spirit will usually be enough…
Saddo, it sounds like you’ve stood up under a lot of those terrible firsts, honey… so sorry for your loss. Early days - go gently
Massive hugs, all