Help and advice?

Dear all

I’m not sure if I’m in the right place here but my husband passed away suddenly just some weeks ago, had the funeral everything etc - but his kids wanted photos off his phone. It was locked with a password and managed to get onto Apple and get this sorted snd restored his phone. Wish I’d left it now.

I found what’s app messages to someone calling her baby etc and quite flirty messages etc and decided to message her. She said she started messaging him on a swingers site, said they never met and she got the impression that he was only messaging and not meeting anyone snd she felt it was escapism for him. He hadn’t
Been well, been off work etc - I don’t know whether I’m just trying to make excuses for him. Does this constitute cheating when he never met anyone?

I don’t know how I feel, I never slept last night as my head was all over the place. He’s gone now, there’s nothing I can do but it just hurts that he did this behind my back - I don’t know whether I just try to put it out of my mind if I can but I think this is going to affect the way I grieve over him because at the moment I don’t really care and feel like giving up the house and moving.

I know it’s a funny one and I hope none of you have gone through this but does anyone have any words of wisdom? My head is just all over the place.


But does that make it ok just because he hasn’t had a physical relationship, he had put loads of weight on, was 32 stones, couldn’t do much for himself snd I was doing everything so probably seemed more like a carer / is that why he was looking at these sites? Or do I go down the road that the intent was there or he possibly wanted it to be or am I just thinking too far into things?

It just hurts especially when grieving for him. Now I’m thinking down the lines of moving and getting away from the memories / he died in bed in his sleep. I just wish the kids didn’t want his photos as I would have just left the phone. I only checked as it flagged up he had a message.

I just don’t know what to think anymore. I’m keeping myself busy today to try and take my mind off it but not working that much!!


He didn’t give me any reason whilst he was alive to think anything like this, he was always close to his chest with his phone but has been like that forever and a day. I don’t know, maybe he thought he wasn’t doing anything wrong, what people don’t know etc. I wish I hadn’t found it now and all cos the kids wanted photos - I should have just erased the phone.

I want to try and move on, and I know people say he never met anyone (he never literally went out of the house) but still messaged people. I don’t know - I feel like I can’t tell any friends or his family in case I am ridiculed or something so stuck with it all in my head. Unless I speak to his best friend? Can’t eat, didn’t sleep last night.

Thanks for your reply x