I lost my partner on 24/2/23, he was 69, I am really struggling, I miss him so very much.
I am 57 years old and we were together for 42 years, our daughter is 27 years old.
I’ve tried talking out loud to him, I’ve tried writing in a diary, I’ve even purchased a Snugzy, with his face on it so I can give him a hug… But yesterday I spent all day crying on and off, today I have been better, it comes and goes in waves. I just want to hold him, hug him, kiss him and most of all talk to him. He told me the day before he died, “I think this is it Trace” he was having trouble with breathing, and the next day 6 weeks ago today, he went to bed and his heart just stopped, he had copd and a AF, he didn’t suffer, he just fell asleep and didn’t wake up again, I hope I go like that. He had so many things wrong with him, he had no quality of life, he was in pain daily and couldn’t walk anywhere without shortness of breath, so I know he is pain free now, I know he is not suffering now, I know I am being selfish wanting him here with me, I just can’t make my mind have an acceptance that he has gone and that I will never ever see him again. What can I try to help ease my pain?
I don’t have any advice as I’m drowning in misery myself.
I personally don’t think there’s any answer to it. It’s a case of just keep on keeping on. Many people say time is the key. You’ll never get over it but apparently time makes it easier to deal with.
Big hugs xx
So sorry for your loss, thank you for your reply xxx
@Tracey66 @MrsY Yes, really sorry for both your losses. i am now 10 months down, this grief tunnel, and the crying still happens, but it is far less raw and frequent. I have done councelling, online grief, zoom meetings these all help as a life rope to pull you up out of the pool of dispair. I have found posting on here is a good realease as people do read and respond,. I too keep a daily diary to monitor my mood so i can at least look back and say that day was less raw, j also find writting things down get them out of my head and stop ruminating. It is so hard and there is no magic switch .sending virtual hugs
Thank you for your reply, so sorry for your loss, I am doing some of what you said I could try, but didn’t think to try looking back to how I have been feeling and how I am now feeling that a good idea. Thank you very much for your time xxx
I too hear what uou are saying and can identify with your need to ease the pain. I lost the live of my life on 27.02.23 after 38 years together.
Sge wax and is my world. She had was fighting her 4th cancer and had such a will to live. I am taking comfort ftom friends and using healing meditations butvthe psin is still raw at the moment and ai miss her beyond words. She treated me like a princess everyday.
Sending hugs.xx
Hi Sheila, our stories are so similar, I met Phil when I was 16 years old, they both knew just before it happened, we have both lost our sole mates, and it really hurts,i found a hair brush today with his hair in it, that set me off.
Thank you for taking time to talk to me xx
I am so sorry you have lost your partner to cancer, that must of been hard, Phil had prostrate cancer, but he fought that and won only to died of COPD and heart disease, at least Phils heart just stopped in his sleep, he looked so peaceful. But my goodness it’s a roller coaster of emotions, we are going to have his celebration of his life on the 29th of this month. Phil wanted an unattended funeral, but wanted a good get together of friends and family so that all been arranged, then in a few months his ashes are to be taken to the lake district, which is where he was born. I am going to start a diary, I have found one online, I am going to write down how I am feeling… I will see how that goes. Thank you for taking time to talk to me xx
My husband died just after Xmas. He had no quality of life as he too had a lot of health issues. He is free from pain and I do believe he,d had enough being so I’ll. I too feel selfish for wanting him back. Wish the grieving and the awful anxiety would subside. Wish someone on this website were near to me in Norwich. Would be good to talk to someone who can relate.
Im in week 11 of my loss my soul mate of 25 years passed away in his sleep aged 43,we had our whole lifes ahead of us, i feel so cheated in life as we had so many plans. Its a hard journey and i feel so raw ,
You can talk to me I wish I was closer, I live in Chichester West Sussex.
Our daughter has done something amazing for me, it’s an on going thing. Phil has always been a lord of the rings fan, when he died I was so upset, one night she came in and hugged me, she said you know what mum, he hasn’t died, he’s just moved on to his next journey, his unexpected journey and he’s gone to Valinor, he got on board a ship at Portsmouth and sailed there, that’s where the elves go when they want to spend the rest of their lives in peace and harmony, he’s going to be waiting there for you at the two trees… The story goes on… She’s now writing it in a book for me there’s pictures of maps and so far a hand drawn picture of Phil… You have no idea how much this is helping me xx
Hi Taz, I’m so sorry for your loss, that is a very young age to go, my Mum wad 53 years old, I thought that was young. I can imagine you did have many plans for the future, I bet your partner would hope that you will try to go ahead and for fill some of these dreams… There is something that I try to do, if I am out, or even indoors and something happens that I think Phil would love, I slowly blink my eyes and open them saying out loud or inside my head “look Phil”… Let your partner see through your eyes the things your were going to do, that way you still get to share those things xxx
Thank you for you kind words , since his death i have become so fearful of everything, Im so scared of doing anything . I hope i can one day do what we planned but it os soo hard to get through the day at the moment everything is so raw. I miss him so much he was a fit healthy person , he dead in his sleep while he was abroad on a 7 day trip to see his mum.