Help he is pushing me away

My husband has gone through not one but two deaths since last September . Firstly his sister and in February his mother
This alone would have a huge impact on how he copes. But I felt something that seemed apart from his grief ? He became secretive always shutting his phone if I approached he would be cagey and always chatting to someone ? He would not tell me what was going on but the one thing I noticed is how indifferent he became of me. Till one day 8 weeks ago I’d had enough of his suspicious activities he finally admitted he had been chatting to another women. Ok I said if this is innocent why not just say ? As he had said she had been a great soured of strength to him ! When I asked him to just show me how innocent this was he refused and ended up walking out on me that night ! Since then he has created such a volatile atmosphere and told me he is in love with her … she doesn’t sound for real everyone thinks he is being targeted by a catfish ? She’s In the USA. But he is obsessed and refuses to delete her . Now we’re like strangers. Help I’m so confused .

Hi Sara27
Sorry you are going through such a tough time with your husband’s behaviour, and I’m so sorry for his double loss which you must also be feeling.
She sounds like a scammer, and I just hope your husband doesn’t get fooled into sending money to her. These scammers are clever and scamming is a living for them.
There was a programme on TV called For Love or Money all about this. Worth watching if you have Catch Up TV and perhaps your husband should watch it too.
You take care.

Thank you for your reply & yes unfortunately most of us feel she is. But right now it’s like this is his escape from reality. I wonder if this is his way out of our marriage / or he is so unhappy grief life he needs this escape ?

I just hope he doesn’t fall for it and re
alises what’s going on. They are getting to him while he is so vulnerable and still hurting.
I say “they” as it’s more than one person involved in a scam.
I do feel for you and i’m so sorry. Wish there was something I could say or do to make you feel better. xx

Thank you for caring enough to reply.It’s so hard trying to see beyond this to what’s going to happen. I’m just not getting through to him at all. If he wasn’t grieving it would be simple but I just don’t know how to deal with this.

I really wish there was something more I could do. You could try contacting Victim Support (0808 168 9111), a charity providing free, practical and emotional support to people affected by crime. They might be able to offer some advice. It coud be worth a try if you’re ok with it.
Have you got any idea how he got involved with this woman?

He said that she messaged him on this “ words for friends “ but fo I just give up. I had some news for him and he just gave me the least amount of time then walked away .
Xxx is my marriage over I wonder but then is this acceptable behaviour for a grieving man ?

No it’s not acceptable at all.

You know what I’d be fuming I’d be booting him out if he’s in love with this woman then sod of to USA with her then but I bet if he was pushed she’d dissappear and he’d come to his, sence a. Maybe the shock of you takeing action is all that’s needed. You leave if that’s possible.

Dear Sara27

I have just googled ‘Words for Friends’ and the top link immediately comes up with news stories of scammers using the gaming platform to exploit people. I am sure if you could get him to read the news stories he will see how this person is not real and is only going to try and get money out of him by professing their love etc. etc… If you can I would - as a precaution - try to protect any monies you have until he sees sense. Not what you should or want to do I know but sometimes grief just put the blinkers on people and they cannot see what they are getting themselves into until it is too late.

It makes it so hard to evaluate what’s going on & at times I’ve wanted to just walk away or him just leave but I’m still here maybe like a mug or maybe he will see that I stood by him at his most horrible of times xxx

Very interesting I am going to take a look as well thank you for highlighting this information xxx