Help is this normal

I lost my mum on 24/12/2020 and my grandmother 25/12/2020. They both had covid 19 and went downhill very fast. One day my mum was busy wrapping Christmas presents, shopping for the Christmas food, writing Christmas cards the next day she was gone. Even though I’m 45 me and mum still lived together. My house is now i empty shell. She was my best friend my everything. My grandmother was a massive influence in my life. I lost my dad at 27. And it made me and grandmother even closer than we had been before. Both my mum and grandmother were the cornerstones of my life. I feel lost without them but unable to cry and really let out my emotions. I feel so guilty, like as if they think I don’t care. I feel guilt more than anything. Also because I think I passed on covid to them. I’m just feeling numb. Is this normal ???

Feeling numb and in shock is very normal. You have had a double bereavement, be kind to yourself. Try reading other posts on here and keep posting yourself, you will find people descriping the same feelings

I feel your pain , I’m so very sorry for your loss , my mum died on the 31st October2020 and my dad died on the 30th December 2020 , he had caught Covid but only a temperature, Nurses said he was ok and an hour and a half later he’d gone . Like you I feel numb I can’t believe this is happening, although I know it has , it’s just a nightmare I’m in at the moment as well you can understand. When my mum passed in October I would just talk out loud to her as if she’s still around that helps a bit , I written some of my feelings down people say that helps , I don’t know how to get through this apart from taking one day at a time that’s all we can do , don’t feel bad you can’t cry , we’re still in shock and it’s early days .Much love Trish

Yes this is normal.
You are in shock after something truly devastating. It may be a while before you have the relief of tears and when it happens it can feel like drowning. It is dreadful but then a feeling of calm can settle over you.
I am truly sorry for your awful loss and understand only too well the feeling of emptiness. It’s not just the house but your soul feels empty too.
My only words of comfort in this very early stage ate that you have come to the right place. Many unseen friends will understand your grief and want to send loving thoughts and prayers to you.
God bless you.

So sorry for your loss. My husband passed away on 24/12/2020. My world was shattered, I can’t stop the tears, yours will come, when they do don’t try to stop them, let the flow freely and as often as you need to.

I have been keeping a journal since I lost my husband, I write everything in, thoughts, feelings anything. I find this helps get things out of my head.

My house is empty, quiet a silence beyond anything I’ve known before.

Be kind to yourself, just breathe :heartpulse:

Thank you all for replying, it has helped a lot as I’ve never dealt with a sudden death in family and I’m really struggling just to make sense of it all

Dear CarolAnnDutton,
Keep writing, keep talking. Verbalising your feelings helps you to understand them and cope with them.
You have come to a place where people understand and when it seems that no-one else does. This grief is a burden we each must carry alone but there are voices to encourage us.
My husband was a triathlete and also did Nordic walking. Toward the end of an event, when he felt there was not another mile in him, he could stop or carry on. No-one could do it for him but the encouragement from the spectators helped him to go on to the end. It’s the same for us. This gruelling time trial is ours to finish but here you will find support, helpful advice and loving, caring thoughts and prayers coming your way.
God bless you.

I feel that I’m just not strong enough to cope with the grief. So I’m trying to keep it at bay. Trying to pretend they still here. I feel like there is a big sphere of grief rolling just behind me and I’m trying to push it back. I’m frightened of it, it will run me over and I won’t be able to get back up. My mum was always there for me. When my dad passed people said I need bereavement counselling. I said I didn’t because I had my mum. Talking to her everyday was my therapy. Everyday we had our morning cuppa and put the world to rights. Now I sit here alone. Finding it hard to just find a reason to survive the day. I got my mums 2 dog, atm they the only reason I get up in the morning

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My dog is the only reason I get out of bed, my husband bought him for my birthday, don’t run away from your grief, let it out, let the tears fall freely :broken_heart:

Dear Carolanndutton,
Yes, I identify with what you say.
It is possible to block the feelings and memories, functioning just in the moment - one moment after another. It can be kept up for hours at a time but incrementally.
The outpourings of rending grief must be allowed, I think but the shock provides the numbness and ability to block. It is like an anaesthetic for the emotions and soul, diminishing the pain to protect our minds.
When the time comes, let the ball overtake you, let the tears flow into it and be carried away with it when it has washed over you. You will feel calmer afterwards and more able to cope for a while.
I and everyone else on this site has been in the terrible place you now occupy. Some of us resented being told that it would become easier. We didn’t want it to be easier because we were in denial and didn’t want it at all. We wanted to wake up from the nightmare.
Loving thoughts are reaching out to you. God bless you.

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What you just said makes so much sense to me. Thank you so much

My husband died 15 days ago, I feel like my mind and body have lost all feeling, I’m on automatic pilot, I still cry lots of tears. The contacting people like banks to tell them is heart breaking.
If one more person tells me it will be alright time will heal me, I’m going to explode.
I don’t believe I will every get over losing my husband and friend of 40yrs, I may get better at hiding things but the whole in my heart is to big to heal.

Thats how I am, just on automatic pilot. Its really strange, its almost like a outer body experience. Like I can see myself cleaning the house doing chores. But my mind and soul isn’t there, its some where else. I think people don’t really know what say. And say anything rather than say nothing. You never get over the loss of a loved one. I don’t want too. I guess we just learn to live with the pain and the loss.

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That is so true, I feel like I’m looking into a globe at my life doing normal everyday things, but it’s not me, I’m just an observer. :broken_heart:

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Just know your not alone, I feel same :broken_heart::broken_heart::broken_heart:

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