Hi everyone, I lost my partner to bladder cancer on the 30th December, 7 weeks after diagnosis . Why isn’t it getting any easier??
The pain is unbearable, I cry all the time. I barely leave the house and I look in the mirror and don’t recognise myself.
Unfortunately, due to many reasons, I am having to move house too. I get the keys to our new little home today and I’m not dealing with it all too well. I’ve had issues with my partners family, entering our home and taking things, threatening me with the police and much more. I haven’t stayed at the House since he got rushed in to hospital by ambulance on the 4th December. The house doesn’t feel right without him and when I go there I just have panic attacks. I just want my life back. I am only 36 and the thought of been without him for the rest of my life makes me not want to be here.
I’m so sorry you’ve lost your partner and so young too. You have so much going on at the moment along with your grief it’s no wonder your not coping well. Do you have friends and other family that can help?
I lost my wonderful husband 7 months ago and know how you feel about the house now. Hopefully your new home will bring you somewhere to call home again. As I keep being told you’ll take your memories with you.
It is right what they say, one day, month or hour at a time. Most importantly look after yourself and ask for help when you need it. There are people who want to help but don’t know how until you ask
I’m so sorry, you’re very early on in your grief, it’s heartbreaking when you lose someone who was your life. I’m five months following the sudden death of my partner. I’m presuming the house was your partner’s. His relatives sound awful. Perhaps you’ll feel more settled now you are moving to your own place. I hope you have support from your own family. Grief is all consuming and relentless. Be kind to yourself.
Thank you for your lovely reply. I have my wonderful mum and grandad who are been amazing support. My friends don’t really contact me anymore as they don’t know what to say anymore.
I’m 39 and recently lost my husband to cancer also (months after his diagnosis).
I also had difficulty with my in-laws, including unreasonable demands and threats of legal action. I got myself a lawyer. You may want to look into that and/or call the Bereavement Support service as a first step for initial advice. Try and get someone to take that stress away from you if you can - it does help. I’d also speak to the police if you need to so they are aware of any situation.
We were renting and about to buy a home together but we pulled out at the last minute because he got so sick. I’m now without a home of my own and staying with family. I’m sad I can’t be where we shared so many good times but I’m having to just deal with what life puts in front of me.
It is difficult for people, two of my closest people I haven’t seen since the funeral. I must admit that I’ve not contacted them since both were too busy to come twice when I called. So sad, it just adds to our feeling of loss. Maybe contact them, just to get out for a coffee? Being out of the house might help.
It’s the whole future we thought we had that makes us feel so lost I think. Early on I spoke to a lady that had lost her husband 10 years before. She told me to write lists, things that needed doing, what I wanted going forward. I needed to move house too so a list of what I wanted from a new house. Putting it down in paper helped. She said that by the time she was ready to move she actually felt excited by the thought of having things the way she wanted. It gave me a little hope
Talking to people who understand really does help. Could you look for a bereavement group in your area? I have seen them posted for younger people. The one I go to has a councillor too, someone to talk your worries through that aren’t family.
I’m really sorry to hear you are going through such pain. As if it isn’t bad enough to be grieving without having all these other problems. I think people act without thinking and don’t realise what pain they cause. My wife died on Christmas day, just about 10 weeks ago and it is very difficult but talking about it here helps. I hope you find the strength to battle through.
Tom
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