Hi I’m new to this page ,I’m feeling so low at the moment been 4 and half months nearly that my husband of 44 years married passed away ,on 1st November 2024 , h was only 63 and it was a shock ,I don’t feel like I can cope anymore ,I’m back at work but so angry or crying ,and can’t listen to people making plans everywhere ,when I’m just so sad
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So sorry for your loss bluegill. Nothing anyone says can make it better or easier but reading the stories of others on here does help to reassure that all the feelings and emotions are normal. The anger is something that comes to me a lot. My husband died in may last year aged 61 after being diagnosed with pancreatic cancer in the February. I too find other people making plans frustrating as I think what’s the point, all our plans are ruined. Even seeing couples on adverts on tv makes me angry! I also have very little tolerance when others moan about something and I just think really, you think you’ve got it hard? I work full time but wearing that coping mask at work is exhausting and I just need to be away from people and be sad and cry frequently. I refuse to say I am ok when people ask because I’m not and some people look shocked when I just don’t respond with I’m fine thanks. Sorry,that probably all sounds negative but most things are right now for us.
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Thank you ,I’m just so sad most of the time ,and I miss him so much ,why is life so unfair,it was awful ,it was our anniversary on 25 th October and he passed away 1st November,and then it was his birthday on the 30th December ,and we had to deal with Christmas before that ,and he loved Christmas ,I just can’t cope with this
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Hi Sandie5
I too tell people the truth when they ask. I don’t really care if it upsets them, they are not going through my hell.
Sadly, it is all about coping, and i think we are all struggling with that.
Bluegirl,
I understand your pain too. Buried my wife a month ago today, and next Wednesday would have been our 20th Wedding Anniversary. My wife was put on a ventilator on 21st December 2024, and it was her birthday on the 22nd. She died on 6th January. It has broken my heart, and i miss her so much too, but i know i have to try and move on at some point.
Bug hugs to both of you.
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I’m so sorry for your loss aswell,and I fully understand why should we put a brave face on everything that has happened ,I just don’t know how things are going to work out ,I try every day to put a brave face on ,some days I just cry other days I just want to tell people to just shut up about petty stupid things that don’t even matter ,I can’t seem to see a light at the end of the tunnel ,sorry for my negativity ,
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It IS incredibly sad, bluegirl. I lost the love of my life in December of 2024. All we can do is what our loved ones would want us to do. I think everyone on here will continue to cry and be angry every day, but I do think our loved ones would want us to try and cope as best as we can. Everyone says things will get better (or at least the pain will feel less) and that’s all we can hope for. Honor the memory of your loved one.
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bluegirl it really is so unfair. I totally get you finding it hard listening to other people making plans, i find that unbearable too, or seeing couples together. I think to myself i had that too and now its been cruelly snatched away! My husband of 26 years ( together 33 years ) died on 10/2/25, i am absolutely beyond heartbroken and finding it hard to carry on. We have 3 children that still live at home but they are busy doing their own thing and emotionally i just can’t seem to reach out to them.
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Some of you are still in the shock of losing your loved ones , because in the early months my experience was, apart from the mental anguish I felt physical pain too which manifested in many ways. I accept that grief comes from love and it lives with me now. It doesn’t dominate my life as it did and I’m finding enjoyment again. It takes baby steps though and can’t be rushed. When the grief begins to build I give it attention and the intensity of it is lessening over time. The love I feel for my husband is as strong now as it was when he was alive. He lives on in my children and grandchildren so I’ll always be reminded of him. I do hope you can all find some peace and I’m sending hugs X
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Hi Frankie24
Thank you for your kind words, and i hope i can get to where you are at some stage. It is good to know that the pain will ease a bit.
I can’t see myself ever loving my wife any less than i do now, so it is comforting to know that you feel that way about your husband, but are moving on without him.
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Don’t let anyone tell you that you need to move on. The disaster of losing someone is something that alters our priorities of time and things we could be doing.
It’s taken me almost 2 years to come to a point where I can rest and be easier with it all. We are all different and had relationships that were unique.
Just be kind to yourself as if you were caring for a very good friend in your position
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