I lost my grandad who was ill, and not long after, my young amazing dad, unexpectedly. My mum got diagnosed with cancer after 2 weeks of dad’s passing. She’s better now but I fear to lose her too. All this has happened over 1 year and a half. I myself got diagnosed with depression, complicated grief, mood disorders and so on. Mum&dad were my rocks and we were the happiest small family, I couldn’t have asked for more. I’m lost now, before death and illness came to us, life was heaven and now it’s hell. My world completely ended when my dad passed away.
I wasn’t ready to go back to work but my employer put pressure on me despite being in long term sickness, so last week I went back to work on a phased return. I’m now back to square one. Grief, panic attacks, tears, hopelessness of this life with no sense without dad (and a mum that’s not herself anymore, as me). Is this the rollercoaster and the waves of grief?
Has anyone felt the same?
Should I carry on with work or give up as I’ll never heal? Some people seem to move forward but I don’t. Antidepressants and counselling are not helping anymore so I thought going back to work could bring some kind of normality but it clearly isn’t, it’s thrown me back to the reality of my meaningful life without dad.
I thought I was better when I started eating regularly and did some yoga classes which helperd, so hoped I was able to go back to work but now I fear if I go back to the doctor’s I’ll get signed off again and they may fire me.
They say time is a healer but it’s not working for me, I don’t know what else I could do.
Please can you help me.