Hi Skylark, I see you’re up late at night like me. I have trouble sleeping, everything going around in my head. Sometimes I feel like I’m going to burst with grief and anxiety, I just don’t know what to do with myself. I’m trying really hard to do the best for myself, eating properly, keeping in touch with friends, looking after my daughter, going for walks, but at the same time I’m working full time, trying to run the house, sort out the car repairs, broken stuff around the house, it’s just never ending and I’ve lost the person who did all this alongside me every day and I’m aware of it all the time. The last 2 weeks have been the worst and it’s so exhausting but I can’t rest. Hopefully it will go in cycles and I may get a few positive days soon. I know we’re not alone and I’m so grateful to everyone on here for all the communication and sharing.
Hi Moz, yes I’m always up late don’t sleep to good,I’ve just being doing some jigsaws on line and have now taken a sleeping tablet. You seem to have a lot of things to juggle maybe that my trouble I have to much time on my hands but I can’t motivated well some days I can but not many…It will go in cycles as I have found out as I have had some positive days but then seem to go backwards.I t must be hard for you working but then again it’s probably keeping you going,yes I too am grateful for this sight it seems the best as I tried others at first and didn’t get the warmth and kindness that you do on here
Yes, some sites are very quiet too, no-one looking or posting, which can make you feel even more lonely. Do the sleeping tablets work? I find I toss and turn and then fall asleep about 3.00 am and could then sleep in all day but I have to get up and do some work. I’m self employed so at least I don’t have to report to anyone and can choose my own hours, but also means I’m alone at work so no social contact. Hope you sleep well, goodnight.
Hi Moz,yes the sleeping tablets work you can take I or 2 a night or as when you like, so I just take them every few days as the Doc will not give you them to often as they can become addicted,this is my second lot since November. That’s a shame you are alone at work,you doing well to go though.I worry because the doc says it’s not good for your health to not get enough sleep.Thanks for replying any time you want to chat I’m always up Lol.
Dear Gailee So glad you have found a group near you as they offer social activities as well. We have to try and help each other one insensative git asked me if I would consider onli ne dating!! My Kevvie only died in August and we were together 28 years. Let me know how you get on withTake care
Annie the group.
Hi all,
I was told about a site called Way Up its for widows & widowers in their 50,s & 60’s . They are all over the country & all seem to do their own thing meeting for lunches coffee etc. There are also on line interest sites for gardening , losing weight & general chat etc. Ive not gone to any meet ups yet but a local lady has been in touch & asked if I was interested in meeting up with a few of them locally for coffee which I will probably do when I’m feeling stronger.
It’s 10 weeks tomorrow since I lost my darling Terry in an accident on holiday and am feeling very lost even though I have good support from family & friends.
Take care xxx
Hi Sue, was it you having counselling? How is that going? Moz
Here I am again! Actually tonight I’m just up late because I was puppy sitting for some friends, with my daughter, and they were home late. Bit better today as I met up with an old friend this morning for coffee in a very quiet cafe, and she was so nice, then busy this evening playing with the puppy. Was ok when I was distracted, but then in the middle of the day had a major wobble and all the tears and despair came back and I felt life was just so useless and pointless and that socialising with my friend was just a charade. So tired of it and yet I know this is going to go on for months yet, but you just have to do your best to get out and pretend to be living a normal life! Good to hear about the sleeping tablets, something for me to think about. Hope you had an OK day.
Hi Moz - yes I am , it’s going ok I think I just talk & cry usually . I’m not sure you know if it’s helping until afterwards. I like going as its at the local hospice & they are so nice but I do sob a lot.
Are you thinking of going to some ?
Sue
I am so sorry to hear about your loss and the isolation. I am struggling with complete isolation after being a carer for a number of years. Found that with my mothers passing I also lost my purpose in life and most of my support and friendship contacts prior to becoming a carer has gone or moved on…I am the outsider again.
Are you in employment? I have to move into the world of employment soon since I am now on Employment Support Allowance which is running out fast. I have been out f work for a while and it is going to be difficult getting back in…simple things that we take for granted such as references aren’t around for me. Finding it difficult to think up of one let alone two. so I will have to take it from the beginning and at 52 this is all a bit worrying.
hope that your nights are relaxing for you? Can’t seem to get fully relaxed, though I have Radio 3 on throughout the night which helps a bit until Wagnerian opera comes belting out then I dive out of bed to switch over or off. so I am often trapped with my mind and body most nights and pay for it during the day. anyway enough of my ramblings. I envy you with your pets. Cats are understanding animals, I agree with you it is a pity they could not talk. Have not got a pet, since the housing association would not allow them…would love a Labrador dog.
Take care
Dave (Neath in South Wales).
Hi Sue, I’m sure it will be helping you. Years ago I had counselling for postnatal depression - I remember just crying through every session for weeks and what a breakthrough it was when I got to the point of being able to actually talk to my counsellor! It took months of counselling and antidepressants but it definitely helped in the long run. I remember feeling that the counselling process broke me into pieces and then rebuilt me afterwards as a much stronger person, which was beneficial and helped me for years afterwards. The grief I have now is so much worse than any distress I had during those times, but I’m not going for counselling just yet because I’m almost too distressed, if that makes sense? I feel ill with it all, and can’t face it yet, but I do think it’s a good idea. Hope your counsellor is good, the first one I had wasn’t very good, but the second was superb. Moz.
Hi Annie, I read your post and looked for Jolly Dollies near me - found a very small group and have registered with them. Looking forward to finding out more. Thanks for the pointer.
Hi, yeah I tried registering with “way up” filled in form and had to wait got reply back to re-submit and haven’t been able to “get through” the process, let me know if you get any luck. also went on “jolly dollies” site but have to pay annual fee, not a prob but have to pay by paypal_- haven’t used before and abit unsure of that, anyone know how safe a site it is?
Hi Gailee, I haven’t tried Way Up yet, but registered with Jolly Dollies yesterday and got a welcome message and then an email from a member who lives nearby, offering to meet up. I don’t think there’s a group in my area, just a couple of individuals, but that’s better than nothing so I’m going to reply and meet up with her, nothing to lose. I think PayPal is fine, my husband had an account for years and it was very handy. I had to open my own account to pay the membership fee, but it will be useful for other payments. I did get upset having to open my own PayPal, only because it’s another of those moments when you’re reminded that you’re on your own now, it happens to me all the time.
Sorry Moz I didn’t see your message,the puppy will be a distraction and a comfort to you hopefully if he/she behaves themselves,is it a particular breed I was thinking of getting a Dachshund only want a small dog.yes unfortunately grief is like that it gets us at the most unexpected moments.I’ve had a bad few days and don’t understand it as I want to try and stay positive.It would of been 30 years ago today that I met john and where am I going,to be assessed at cruse to see a bereavement councellor unbelievable.hope the puppy continues to bring you some joy.
Hi Skylark, actually it’s not my puppy, I don’t think I could cope with that, it’s a friend’s and yes it is a good distraction - a miniature Dachshund - very cute and intelligent. So I just go to her house to play with it. I’m feeling like you about my life going nowhere, I can’t think where I would want it to go, I can’t think of anything I want to do, I just want Barry back. Hope you get somewhere with Cruse. Thinking of you.
Hello Galilee
I have just read your post and wanted you to know that I completely understand and am thinking of you (and Tina). Like you I lost my soul mate to heart disease in June 2016 and am still struggling to accept the finality and adjust. Most days I just muddle through…I am not yet ready to do all the things that family, friends and websites tell me I should do although a part of me recognises that life goes on regardless. I am older than you (67) but lucky enough(?) to be in good health and have relocated from Brittany to Cornwall but am still not really nearer to my family as they all live in London; I am alone but somehow not lonely yet.I know that no one can wave a magic wand for those of us left behind but perhaps we can all reach out and hold each other’s hand across the airwaves Take care. Sally
Hello AmeliesGran
Its good to read you managed to find somewhere you could bring your 4 legged companions to. I truly thought Dennis would live till he was 80 but the heart disease - CHF - had other plans. I know we grieve for what we have lost but it’s also grieving for them for what they have lost that’s so particularly distressing isn’t it. Take care, Tina.
Hi Moz, I didn’t know there was a miniature Dachshund it must be tiny as they are not that big anyway.cruse went OK although it was miles away good job my friend was with me as I would never of got there.asked me lots of questions I filled in a questionnaire now just have to wait to hear back there is a waiting list,I nearly said we’ll don’t bother if it’s in a months time because I’ve been trying g since November to get this far but I didn’t. When I heard myself talking to her I felt like It was somebody else talking.I didn’t sleep a wink last night so hopefully will tonight.it small steps from now on for all us look after yourself
Hello AmeliesGran, what a lovely thing to say,we can all reach out and hold each others hand across the airwaves.you sound like a very brave woman.Cornwall is a lovely place my husband was from Plymouth originally so we spent lots of time in Devon and Cornwall especially when we had our children,so they could see their Grandparents,it was such a long journey I live north of London, but it was worth it for the fun we had and the wonderful places that we went too.I’m holding your hand.kind regards.Debbie