Help to grieve

My mum passed away in September after a 3 month stay in Itu she was at the day she was ready to go onto a ward and we thought she was going to be ok but she caught a chest infection and we sat with her while she passed away. My mum was my best friend and I haven’t really cried much. My way of dealing with it is pretending that it hasn’t happened and I just haven’t spoken to her. I know I have to grieve but I don’t know how

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Hi Deb, I’m so sorry that you’ve lost your mum. That must have been such a terrible shock for you when you were expecting her to be getting better. I lost my mum back in November very suddenly. She hadn’t been in good health in recent years but it was still an awful shock when she died suddenly at home.

I completely understand how it feels not really knowing how to grieve as I’m going through this myself right now. I’m finding it very difficult to cry, although I did waken up during the night and started crying then. I guess it has to come out sometime. I know myself that I’m just trying to be strong, for my dad who is devastated and also for my children who, despite being young adults, still need to see their mum cope with it all (or at least that’s what I think).

It’s a hard, painful road that we’re travelling along right now. Last night, I definitely hit a bump in the road but that said, the last few days have been ok. It comes in waves for me. All I can tell you is that I’m just taking things a day at a time. I don’t know if I’ll ever go back to feeling the way that I did before I lost Mum, but I hope that in time I’ll be able to feel better. Thank goodness I can come on here and talk to others going through the same experience. It doesn’t change anything, but at least I know that I’m not alone in dealing with my grief. I hope that you will feel the same.

Thinking of you, please keep coming on here to chat. There’s some lovely people who really understand what you’re going through. Take care xx

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Hi Deb6117
You poor thing, you are in shock. You were all expecting your Mum to recover but it was not to be, so it’s not surprising that you are struggling to accept your loss. I can see that temporarily denial is helping you but by and by you will be able to face what has happened and you will be able to grieve for your Mum. Don’t worry about not crying as not everyone can cry with grief. Each of us grieves in our own individual way. You have lost your mother who was also your best friend - you have suffered a huge and awful loss and it will take time for you to fully comprehend what this means to you. I hope you have someone to talk to but please keep posting on this site as we all understand a little how you are hurting. Sending love and hugs. xx

You are in exactly the same situation as me - I’m looking after dad and have kids who were extremely close to mum. I am so sorry for your loss, it is so hard for others to understand how you are feeling. I feel guilty sometimes for not crying and carrying on - thinking that if my mum could see me she would think that I didn’t care.

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Thankyou so much for your words - it helps to know I am not the only one

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Thanks Debs, you know I totally understand why you will be feeling like this, I think grief brings up awful feelings of guilt as we try to make sense of it all. I’ve been feeling the same way because I’ve been finding it hard to cry. What will my mum think as she’s looking down or walking beside me?
But, even if we can’t properly cry right now, it doesn’t mean we aren’t grieving. The loss of that special someone is very much being felt by us.
Your mum won’t ever think that you don’t care, she was your best friend :heart: Sending hugs xxx