Here but not here

I hope this is ok to post as I don’t know where else to turn . My mum suffered a series of strokes and is now in a care home unable to walk or talk. We are unsure but believe these have escalated her dementia (caused by a first stroke 8 years ago). She is only awake for a few hours a day, and while occasionally there are sparks of the person she was, most of the time she is just vacant or asleep when I see her.

Some days I just feel sad but others I feel so overwhelmed with grief I just don’t know how to go on. I just miss her so so much. All I want to do is hear her voice, hug her, take her shopping like I used to.


Dear @Ten26

Welcome to the Community. It is ok that you have posted here and have found a forum you can turn too.

I am sorry that your mum has been through a lot with her health and that you are feeling overwhelmed, which is understandable. Grief comes in different forms and as to how we can cope.

There is a website Dementia UK which has a helpline on 0800 888 6678 which you could ring for advice and support. You can also connect with members here who have been in a similar situation as yourself by typing the word Dementia in the search bar.

I do hope the above information will be of help to you. Please reach out here any time, do not bottle it up as it does help to talk.

Please take of yourself, you are stronger than you think and are amazing by being there for your mum.

Take care.


I’m so sorry @Ten26, it must be heartbreaking for you. It is very difficult for you to see your mum like this, obviously, but it sounds as though she is receiving good care, and maybe being asleep a lot means she is at least comfortable and calm. I cant say anything to ease your grief I know, but just want to say please look after yourself during this time, big hugs xx