Here but not living..

Sine the sudden and unexpected loss of my partner Richard age 74, on 11 th April, we had met in our later life 20 years ago, i am 68…I am now finding that although i may be still here, yet i am not actually living, how can i,…I stopped living the minute my Richard stopped living, or the minute i found he was not living-breathing-moving…i am now just a shell of the person i once used to be…

Jackie…

Hi Jackie

I’m so sorry to hear about the loss of your partner Richard. Judging by your posts over the last couple of days it sounds as though things are very tough and you are feeling a bit overwhelmed with your loss alongside your feelings of living in the wrong place whilst looking after yourself with MS.

I think you could really do with some support and I’m glad that you’ve been able to talk about how you’re feeling here. There is lots of other support out there, and I would really encourage you to reach out and speak to someone about how you are feeling.

The Samaritans are always there 24/7 if you need to talk about anything that’s bothering you (116 123, or jo@samaritans.org).

You can also make an appointment with your GP and ask to be referred to counselling or other support services in your area.

If you’ve not been in touch with them already, The MS Society can offer you some support with managing MS symptoms and where to find more information- MS Society, 0808 800 8000

Sue Ryder also offers online bereavement counselling. This is a free service and sessions are held via video chat so you can attend from home. Find out more and register: https://counselling.sueryder.org

You deserve care and support, so please consider getting in touch with these services

Take care,
Rhi

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Hi Jackie I also feel exactly the same just a shell. Walking around waiting for my turn to board that train to take me to my wife again hope you feel a little better soon

Rhia…
…i am a member of my local to me MS societies social monthly but even they have let me down, i have had no offers of transport for the past three months so for the first time in three years i have missed their Christmas do’s…
The Samaritans and Cruse telephone counselling did help but have now stopped, although i went to a Cruse bereavement meeting venue and found i was the only one there apart from the four lovely lady counselings volunteers…Sorry but i dont do video chat…and the only help i would get, have been offered by my GP is medication, ant-depressants, well they are our miracle cure all…or so they think they are, yes they will get rid of my MS, yes they will bring back my Richard, i think not…Thank you for your help and advice but i know i will come through this, i will get some form of my life back on track, i just have to place my trust in God, and when my time is right, when God thinks i am ready for it…

Newbie…
…yes i am whimpering around my home, as i walk from one room to the next…whimpering, please come back to me…I keep asking myself why am i still here, it should be him, not me, but i am left here for a reason, and i have no idea as to what this reason is as i just want to be with my Richard, or rather i just want my Richard to be here with me, whichever…

Jackie…
Jackie…

I feel the same. I’m breathing!, I’m existing!. But when my dad died in August 2019 I stopped living. I feel like I have died instead of him as no one calls or visits. Not one message over Christmas and New Year. I’m struggling now to carry on to be honest. I can’t talk to anyone. Tried the Samaritans a few weeks after my dad died and I was told that “his widow (my mum) and I feel like we have won the lottery now” so I learned that I wasn’t going to get the correct support. Doctors are only interested in physical problems and I am losing grip as I literally have no one. It sucks!!!

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