Hi

Hi Moz I feel so sad for you I am still in shock from my dear Husbands death just before Christmas, all we can hope for that one day the pain will go a bit less but at the moment that’s nowhere near ,Take care ))

Hi Lambie, I too lost my husband to sepsis, and have also spoken to someone else on here who lost his wife to sepsis. It’s so unfair and makes me feel angry as well as lost. He survived 3 lots of major surgery only to die from something as simple as an infection. The hospital staff never got to grips with it until it was too late. Find it hard to accept and my life is now completely empty. Kindest thoughts to you

Hi Moz, my Husband had heart failure due to a hereditary heart disease I feel very angry and guilty that the sepsis lead to a cardiac arrest,wish I could put the clock back but it’s too late my mind is full of ifs and buts. I am finding it so hard to accept his passing. His funeral on Christmas Eve I can hardly remember it because I was in shock ,my very kindest thoughts to you too Moz from Lambie .

hello moz
been in the same boat as you i lost my wife on Nov 02 you feel completely lost,broken and so sad, most of us on here can feel your pain. the trouble is when you been with someone for a long time you become one they seep into your pores into your heart and brain. its been about 12 weeks since sue passed the pain is duller but i never stop thinking about her. i have found that writing my feelings and thoughts into journal seems to help, i feel like i am writing to sue.
best wishes david

Hi David
Sorry for your loss.Loss my wife to sudden heart attack on 18th October after 39 years together so know exactly how you feel.Its true you get to know that person so well you become one like I would say something and Heather would say I was about to say it even read one another’s thoughts.I can be out with other people but that one person is missing and l feel like I am not functioning properly like a loss of confidence. Like they say a woman maketh a man. Kind regards Steve

Hello Davidj
I agree with you following the loss of my Husband to a heart attack in October. It’s so hard. I too write in a diary daily as though I am telling Dennis about my day with little reminders about our past and my thoughts and feelings. It’s comforting, not always, but mostly. Kind regards.

Hello Steve, You are right about the loss of confidence. It’s like the difference between confidently striding on a firm surface to then tip-toeing tentatively across black ice. Scary and hazardous. Kind regards.

Hi Tina
Yes we would confide in one another in everything even what shall we wear today choosing clothes etc which put the spark in life.So it was the simple things in life now missing which is scary .Kind reguards Steve

Hi everyone in this conversation, you are all saying things that are so true for me. Being together for a lifetime and then having that person taken away, it’s impossible to describe to someone who has not had the joy of such a long relationship. I keep wanting to say things to him, our little sayings and quips, our shared views on life, references to our relationship, our past life and experiences, there is just no-one else at all that I can talk to like that, it’s so lonely without him. I went to his grave yesterday and stood and talked to him like an idiot, just want him back.

Oh Lambie - so true you know what one another would say in every situation. I find myself saying Terry would have said this, Terry would have done that. Terry liked that Terry didn’t like that. I just hope I’m not annoying people with it yet. It’s only 8 weeks for me. I talk to him all the time in the house laughing & crying. I miss him so very much. It is comforting in some way to know I’m not alone , that we all on here are going through the same awful as it is.
Xxx

Sorry it was Moz wasn’t it my head is somewhere else xx

No problem Sue, I never know who to reply to, it’s like we’re all in the same room, which is nice. I am absolutely with you saying all those things about what your husband would say or think, I’m doing that in my head all day. I have a 16 year old daughter and I tell her about some of it and although she’s kind and listens, I know she can’t possibly understand properly, she’s too young, no life experience, and then afterwards I feel even more alone and wish I hadn’t tried to share it. No-one but Barry will ever get what I mean and the prospect of the rest of my life without him is so frightening. I’m 58 so I could live another 30 years or so and I can’t even begin to know how to do that without him, just talking to myself and re-living the past. I have a new respect for all those widows and widowers who have been doing this for years, putting on a brave face for the outside world. Hope you have had an ok day today x

Thanks Moz- yes I’ve just turned 60 & like you cannot contemplate years without him. It’s weird how your whole life shifts who’d have thought this is how we’d start thinking ? I also look at widows & widowers in a different light, you can’t know until it happens to you can you ?

I’ve not had a great day but unfortunately there will be another one tomorrow . Hope the same for you & us all here.

Goodnight xx

Hi Moz,
Like you I lost my hubby last Dec 15th, unexpectedly, I am 54 Frank was 67, I am struggling so much my mum was a widow at 49 and I keep wondering how she coped, I never saw her cry over my dad or anything as she had myself and my elder sister to look after, she must have done her grieving at night after we were in bed, She never married again but just before she died when I was in my 20’s she told me she had done her job bringing us up and she now just wanted to join my dad, she died 5 days later. Now I am in her situation I don’t seem to be coping anywhere near as well.

Like you Pandy my Husband died on 15 December I feel as though the struggle will never end, every day is a non day if you know what I mean. Accepting he has gone is the biggest step, my Doctor says just take one day at a time and eventually that day will come. Being with him for so many years looking after him in recent months with his heart disease then sepsis caused a cardiac arrest which was so sudden. Christmas doesn’t help either. All I want is the pain to go away but I know it will take years, everyone on here feel the same , do most people think these forums help ? Kindest regards Lambie

Hi Lambie, I don’t know whether the forum helps all I do know is I am finding comfort in knowing what I am feeling is normal and part of the grieving process, i was thinking I was over reacting before I came on here.
Franks birthday was on 21st Dec so before he had even been dead 2 weeks I had gone through his birthday, Christmas and New year without him which seemed rather surreal. All I need to face now is our wedding anniversary next Aug.I know deep down he is gone and he wont be coming back, I think my problem is the thought of the future without him to talk to, laugh with and just be with, and all the bleak lonely years ahead of me, I am only 54 so potentially I could have another 30 years to face

Hi Moz,

I’m new here too. I lost my husband in November last year and I too joined this site to try to connect with other people who are or have been in a similar position to myself.

I hope you are keeping ok and getting the support you may need

Take care

Nicky

Hi to Lambie and Pandy,

I am so sorry to hear of your losses. In response to Lambie, I have not been using the forum long enough to say if its helps. What does help is knowing that I am not alone in how I feel and that these feelings are a normal process after losing my husband.

My husband was 57 Pandy and like you I am worried about the future and life without him.

I feel very frightened and vulnerable without him by my side.

You are very brave and also strong getting through December as you did, he would be very proud of you.

Sending a hug

Nicky

Hi Nicky, sorry to hear you’re in the same club as the rest of us. I find it therapeutic to ‘talk’ on here. I know we’re all strangers to each other and yet you all say things that are more meaningful than the things that my most of my friends and family say. I’m finding that I’m crying less when I talk to those people face to face, but when I get on here every night I just cry through the whole thing, and it’s quite a relief, even though it’s heartbreaking.

Hi Moz,

Thank you for taking the time to reply to my post.

Yes we are all strangers but we share a common ground on this site, dont we? We understand each others feelings and pain of losing someone close to us.

Im glad you find it therapeutic, I think it may help if I came and posted on here when I too am struggling emotionally.

I feel lost and the future is very frightening to me. My whole world has been turned upside down, I try not to think about my husband to stop the pain but this may be the wrong thing to do, I dont know.

Yesterday I just sat in the dark staring into space feeling very low and feeling quite sorry for myself. I wish I could disappear at times and then the pain would stop.

Im 57years old and have two grown up daughters, who dont really understand how I feel either as they have not been in a long term relationship and suffered a loss.

They knew Steve (my late husband) was a lovely man and that he looked after me and Im sure they miss him too when they call to see me.

Anyway, enough of my woes.

Thank you again for being there :slight_smile: