His birthday

The first one he won’t be here for he never really counted birthday or selabrated them but here I am sitting outside with a glass of wine at ower table in the garden I opened a can of his favourite beer it was still here could not through it put so I opened it and put it by his seat that was how we would have selabrated together just how it should be but now just me remembering him everyone else semes to have forgotten so I take this Quat time to remember the man that made me life complete. No were ever he is I miss him still and always will the things we did the life we had the lessons we learnt I think about the good and miss the tomorrow that we will not share happy birthday my love no that I am so glad I had you in my life


I am so sorry Cj13 that you are grieving so badly, I find it very touching that you opened a can of his favourite beer. People do not forget, they are so busy getting on with their lives, I suppose our losses slip to the back of their minds, but surely they think about our loved ones at some time and yet, do nothing about it. I suppose I was guilty of that, a long time ago, it is not that they don’t care, life and committments just get in the way.
I hope that you feel better before too long, you have come to the right place for broken hearts.


My partner died 3 and a half years ago and we had the same birthday. I hate my birthday now. I dont open any cards or gifts until a few days afterwards. People are surprised when I say Im sorry I havent opened it yet and I dont feel I can explain why because it sounds like such a gloomy thing when someone has been kind enough to buy something. But its a horrible trigger. Anniversaries suck. I’m so sorry for your loss and that you are going through this. Its a part of life but that doesn’t make it pleasant or easy especually in isolation. You have the right to feel.


Hi 3 months since my husband passed away my son lives at home on Father’s Day we open a can of Carling and put it by his chair I’m dreading birthdays Christmas etc x Sorry for your loss

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Yesterday was my husbands birthday. The first Birthday without him. Although I am very sad my children came to see me so I wouldn’t be on my own. I put a Birthday message on my Facebook page wishing him happy birthday. The messages I received were beautiful. All saying what a lovely man he was. Everything one misses him.
My dear brother died unexpectedly 2weeks ago , from a suspected heart attack. My other brother is terminally ill with prostrate cancer, the same as my husband. He is now on chemotherapy.if he is lucky it will gain him 6 months. Both badly affected by my husbands passing.
I am trying to be strong for my brother and sister and law but cannot she’d any tears. All my tears were for my husband and I don’t feel I can cry any more.
I wanted to go with him but my children have been through enough grief and I can’t make it any worse for them so I tell them I’m ok.


Hello Ann2
It’s my husband’s birthday today. He is 64. I wanted to stay home and wallow but I was encouraged by my friends at work to come in and not be alone. Trouble is I just want to howl like a banshee. I just ache with missing him . My eyes have welled up several times this morning over seemingly nothing and my throat hurts with wanting to cry. I wish I had stayed at home today. I have survived a few “firsts” this year so far. Valentine’s Day, Easter, Father’s Day, my birthday and now his birthday. I can’t bear to think of all the places we went to and all the things we did together. I can’t bear the thought that no one will ever love and care for me ever again like he did. He always said he was a lucky man when he met me. The truth is I was the lucky one and I told him so all the time.
Finding this forum has been so good for me. I think we are all in the same boat in many ways and sometimes it’s very hard to voice the emotions we are going through. I find it easier to write my feelings down and I think that’s the same for a lot of us.
I know I will get through today. I have to. But I dread the thought of going home to the house we shared without him there.
I hope you managed to cope with yesterday Ann.

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Happy heavenly birthday to your lovely man. I hope that you’ve found the strength to get through today x

Hi Ellie1
Like you I have had so many firsts. Last week would have been our 51st wedding anniversary. We just managed our golden a month before he became ill. For the first few months all I wanted to do was sleep and not wake up. I couldn’t cope with the feelings of guilt. I couldn’t make him better. How much he is missing. He had so much more living to do. How can a fit and healthy man, who has never been ill be taken in such a cruel way. My doctor suggested counselling. I didn’t feel it was the right thing for me, but agreed to try. It was the best thing I could have done. I was in such a bad place but my councillor was amazing. I could say things to her and ramble about things and she was so patient with me. She could tell straight away how I was feeling. I am now able to realise how far I have come over these past few months. My brother passed away suddenly and my sister in law will ring me at midnight sometimes we have a 2 Hour phone call . I try to be as supportive to her as my councillor was for me. Sometimes we just need someone to listen. My younger brother is terminally ill so I know it’s something I have to face again in a few weeks.
This time last year I couldn’t imagine what this year would bring.
Please keep strong and look after yourself. I know everyone says this. But eventually we can cry no more and maybe smile a little. Sending you my best wishes.x Ann 2

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Thank you CatP21.
It’s the day after now. I’m in work again but exhausted. I couldn’t sleep the night before his birthday and last night. I don’t feel very good but I can’t put my finger on what’s wrong. It’s probably a bit of stress. My lovely daughter phoned me last night to see if I was OK and my daughter in law skyped me from Canada so that I could see my adorable granddaughters which cheered me up. But after the phone calls stopped it was so quiet and I just sat on the bench in the garden and sobbed. I feel like a jigsaw with so many pieces missing it’s not worth bothering with.

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Morning Ellie
The next day and can imagine ou still a bit numb.
But well done you got through yesterday hard yes but you did although you had our moments of course.
These anniversary are always going to be hard,but we cannot avoid them.
He was with you and would not like to know you were suffering so much.
Try and enjoy as much of today as you can .Funny how you can try and give advice but doing it yourself is different as I sit and cry just writing…
Take Care
Love xx

Thank you Samella
It’s on the good days that I feel strong and try and try and share some positiveness to others but yesterday and today have knocked me over a bit. I am determined to get through this. Not sure how. It might just happen and I will look back and think “how did I do that?” I know how much my husband worried about me and how I was coping. He told my family and they have told me. I thought I had hidden my feelings so well but clearly he could see right through me as he knew me so well. And I know he wouldn’t want me to suffer like I am but the grieving process has no rules to stick to, no rudder for my ship to steer by and no time limits.

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No time limit on grieving p poke on here have a couple of years under their belt and a lot of us months or even weeks still feeling our loss you are doing well dragging yourself out to work ,some may not be strong enough to do that, so pat on the back and be proud you have done that may not be as enjoyable as was but you are doing it.
We don’t give ourselfs enough credit on how we are managing.
Try and have a better day.

Sorry for mistakes that was suppose to say people.
Posted before checking x

Thanks for those positive words. It’s amazing how just a few kind words can lift your day

Absolutely! Even if the words are in reply to someone else, somehow we can sense they are meant for everyone lost and desolate.