I thought I was getting to grips with this bereavement business but the six month milestone was on approach. I de used to be kind to myself and meet the day gradually and light candles and say a prayer to acknowledge the passing of time. A few days before this I had started getting down but when I blew the candles out I felt like the full impact of grief had arrived. I even felt worse than when it first happened if that makes sense.
Hi JuliaMet. It makes a lot of sense. Very often grief can strike like a blow when we least expect it. It’s all about ups and downs. It depends on so many emotional happenings. Often we can find no reason why we suddenly feel down when we thought we were doing well. And we were. But if we fasten on to the downs we may finish up down for some time. The trick is to let it happen knowing that there will be ‘up’ days.
You know six months is not long. Maybe you expect too much! Looking for relief and waiting in anxious anticipation does not help one bit. You are right to meet the day gradually. To take it all one day or even one hour at a time. There is no way we can rush through grief. I don’t mean that you have to always feel the pain, but it takes as much time as it takes and that varies so much with each individual. The candles may have been the ‘trigger’ that moved you to feel low. But it could be anything.
It’s good you are here and maybe can get some relief from knowing that what is happening is normal in grief. Take care and do come back and talk.
Hi Julie. We have no idea where these bad days come from especially when we thought that we had been doing quite well. Something or nothing can trigger a reaction. Yesterday (Sunday) I was watching early morning TV while in bed (couldn’t sleep). In a film a man presented his wife with a red rose and this triggered a reaction for me. My husband always gave me our first red rose of the summer as a token of his love. I took this gesture for granted but seeing it on TV set me off and enough to send me plummeting. Luckily my family rang later to see if I wanted to join them that afternoon. Life savers. Thank goodness.
Hi. Pat. Watching TV in bed!!! Well, that has to stop. I don’t know, some people. Oh Pat, I do know how a ‘trigger’ can set us going. I find places still difficult. I can be sailing along all reasonably calm then whamm!! it hits me. WE used to go here or there and seeing those places again is painful. I find I still say WE when I talk to people.
But get this time of year over and I’m sure it will come right. Well, as right as can be. People are so kind but I do wish they would not keep asking me what I am doing for Christmas. Then look sad when I say ‘not a lot’.
Keep going Pat. We have to don’t we. You are such a help and your posts often give me a laugh when needed, which is often. Take care and be good.
Blessings. Hugs. XX
Hi Jonathan. To be honest having a TV in the bedroom has been a lifesaver this past year. Often I go to bed and just can’t sleep and hate to lie there in the dark wide awake with my addled brain going all over the place. I go to sleep with it on and then wake up a bit later on and switch it off.
I have TV’s all over the house even the spare bedroom. This was Brian… He loved his electrics and when new things were brought out he went and bought them. To me a TV is a TV but he could see the improvement in colour, picture etc. So each time a new TV arrived they was all moved around the house or given to a member of the family. We did have disagreements on the size of screen as they got bigger and bigger but I put my foot down about this as we don’t have a large living room. again I couldn’t see the point. He even became interested in those 3D ones and I found him in Curries one day sat comfortably watching TV with a pair of special 3D glasses on. I am pleased to say I won that battle also.
Yes, Jonathan we do have to keep going and I keep saying WE also and why shouldn’t we they are still with us, at least to us they are.
I went into town yesterday and hate all this rushing about everybody seems to be doing. Obsessed with themselves and almost pushing people out of the way. I soon came home again.
I do take care but don’t know about being good.!!! How I would like to be able to do something totally out of character and different…
Bless you Pat