Holiday without my husband is heartbreaking

I lost my husband on the 3 July and this Friday I’m going on holiday to the cottage on the Norfolk broads that we booked together last year, I’m finding it so very hard even thinking about going I keep breaking down and crying, I can’t cry in front of family so put on a smile but I’m hurting so much inside, now if I don’t go they said they won’t go either, my daughter is coming with my six month old granddaughter and hubby also my son and my sister and her granddaughter, they have said we don’t have to do much but will be lovely just to spend time together,
It’s extra hard as the broads was our favourite place we had our honeymoon on a boat there 45 years ago and countless holidays on boats and cottages since then,
How does anyone else cope with holidays without there soulmate there too xx

Very hard. I am away at the moment. My friends, who I am with have seen me fill up a couple of times.but they don’t see me

When I break my heart when we go to bed. Everyone thinks I’m”so strong”. I save my tears for when I am alone. X

Oh montague I’m just like that now, when I first lost him I cried all the time in front of family but since the funeral I’ve tried to put on a brave face then cry floods of tears when alone, but on holiday that will be so hard because of all the lovely memories and family around I don’t know how I shall cope, might be a lot of early morning walks along the river crying my heart out
Take care xx

My family too organised a holiday, just for us to get away, I didn’t know where I was going, but did ask the question, “it’s not where Dad and I used to go,” sorry mom yes.
The thought was worse than the actual being there, it’s brings tears to my eyes even remembering it now. You will feel lost, melancholy and want to wander off on your own. You will have the support of your family, distractions of your granddaughter (if only for a short while) remember your family love you, don’t be strong, let the tears flow, I’m sure they’re expecting it.

Well Linda,

You say, quote, “How does anyone else cope with holidays without soulmate there too xx”

With me it’s as simple as abc. I just don’t go end of.

I flatly refuse to be bullied, rail roaded or blackmailed into going somewhere where I do not want to go just to please someone else.

Thats it in a nut shell and exactly what is happening like it or not.

I would say thank you for your very kind thought but it’s not for me at the moment and if they said it’s paid for I still would not be blackmailed, rail roaded or bullied into going.

I would say Its a pity you didn’t consult me first as you haven’t a clue what I am going through.

I am not being ungrateful but please consult me in future, either you go or get a refund.

I would never allow someone to put me into a corner and feel obliged to do what THEY want me to do.

I will never be pressurised by anybody family or no family to do what THEY want, not for all the tea in China.

As you asked how does any one else cope, that’s how I would cope.

If someone says if you’re not going I’m not going then amen, that’s your choice and your life.

B x

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A 90 year old lady once said to me that it seems we have become the children.
She said when we were parents and raising our children we told them what to do now we are elderly they are telling us what to do and what THEY want us to do never mind what we want to do or would like to do.
B.

HI Bristles

I agree, family and friends shouldn’t bully /emotionally blackmail you into things.
When your loved one dies the world and its wife know " what’s best for you"
Try asking for what you think might help you and the offers of help all disappear.
A lot of, not all , people offer solutions and they want you to fit them. When you don’t they don’t want to know.
Only yesterday somebody said "we’re here for you " where are they in the middle of every night when I’m wide awake desperate for sleep, desperate for an end to this nightmare?
They have no idea what I need .

Do what you feel is right for you and if others don’t like it that’s their problem. Bereaved people have enough problems without keeping everyone else happy.
Take care all. Jx

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Hi Linda
I am going away next Monday with my children and grandchildren to the same place we went to this time last year with my husband. We decided to go before my husbands sudden death in December, since then my sister died 3 weeks ago, so I am really struggling with the thought of going away, but have decided to see it as a challenge, I don’t think anytime would be th right time, just need to jump in the deep end and hope I swim, I know my family will give me space when I need it and comfort when I need it and it sounds like yours will to, and our partners are with us wherever we are, good luck
Jan

Sorry I didn’t want to give the impression that I was being bullied into going on holiday my children were very understanding when I said I had doubts about going, they just said they couldn’t go and leave me on my own

Jan I’m so sorry for the loss of your husband and your sister, think I will look at going as a challenge too and yes my family will give me space when I need it, so thanks for your reply it has helped

And thank you all for your replies too must say this group helps me so much such kind thoughtful people ,
I’ve just done my packing left it till the last min so hard packing just my stuff he did do his but I always had to check and repack it as he would just bung it in

Thanks again. Xx

I am considering a break after caring for over 7 years and losing my husband on 7th May this year. The trouble is where does one go when they are on their own?!

Ha sounds like my husband, I always had to repack and check his case, he would always forget something. I to am leaving my packing until Sunday, this will be a first for both of us another hurdle crossed and of course having children on the trip I’m sure there will be some funny moments for us to cherish, hope it goes well for you take care Jan x

Hi, absolutely could not even consider going on a holiday without Brian, so I think all those that are going away are very brave. Decided to get rid of all our cases. They are all ready to go to the local charity shop. Brian just loved to travel but It’s the end of an era now.

Hello Linda I lost my husband nearly four years ago. We were together for 30 years and during that time we travelled a lot. Instead of spending money on things like cars and other stuff we had holidays and I am so glad we did. I still go on holiday on my own but it is so hard being alone because he made our travels magical. I have been back to places we went together and I take some of his ashes with me to scatter. I miss him so much I just can put it into words but I want to go on travelling even though it makes me cry if I go somewhere we have been. My memories are so precious as yours must be. I am going away soon so that I don’t have to spend the anniversary of his death at home. I hope that you will be able to go on holiday and think of the happiness you shared. We never get over it so we? We just try to learn to live with it. There is no shame in grief and tears. Wishing you well xxxx

Well said and totally agree x

A widowed friend told me that she too wanted to have a change of scenery and be away from family just for a little while.
Her decision was to book a solos holiday and very nervously went ahead. She ended up making some wonderful new friends and enjoyed seeing new places in the company of others. There were times she could be alone or join in the group, to her it was the perfect solution.
Not for everyone I agree, but having company on holiday as and when you need it could be a solution.