honest opinions please

imagine you have a son or daughter whose lived with the love of their lives over 20years and they have no kids and are not married and no will.your son ,daughter dies tragically.the partner left is distressed and heart broken.is your first thought how can i get the house,car savings in the bank account ,pension anything of value.or do you offer support and comfort to the partner whose obviously not coping.

Hi Ian, decent people would make sure you were supported. Unfortunately there are so many people who don’t care about you only what they can get. It’s so sad but greed is a great motivator. kate

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I would like to think that you would get support, unless there has been a rift of some sort in the past, but even so this doesn’t give them the right to take everything, I would have thought. However funerals seem to bring out the worst in people, it’s a fact.
Many years ago I went to a funeral. I was surprised when the brother and sisters of the deceased gave the wife of the deceased notice to quit her cottage at the funeral. She had lived in the house with her family for 25 years and had spent most of that time looking after the grandparents. She and her husband had paid off the mortgage but there was nothing in writing. I couldn’t believe they was doing this at such a time. It was my first experience of greed and uncaring relatives.
Have you consulted the CAB. Get legal advice this is the first thing you must do. I would have thought you had some rights when you had been together 20 years. If they think your going to put up a fight then they might change their tune.
Good luck


I can imagine how you feel. It’s disgraceful. These people have no empathy or compassion, totally without sympathy for anyone but themselves. Money is their one and only goal. I know as my darling husbands family turned on me 2 days after he passed. Never spoken since. I’ve been threatened with violence, insulted, the lot. Fortunately I have the house and some money but step daughter wanted it all. Tough luck she never got it. You can do without all this crap. Dismiss them from your life. You have your Jayne’s love and she will see all will be ok.
Julie x

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hi Kate
just be nice to have an arm round the shoulder and a word of comfort,like were here if you need us.thank you for your response regards ian

hi pattidot
thank you for response no rift or anything untoward before Jaynes passing.but a bit of support might of helped a little,as oppose to how they have been .regards ian

thank you for your response,and sorry to hear the experience you had to go through ;its bad enough losing your other half with nasty relatives as well.
Jaynes mum insists she is feeling as bad as me,if thats the case why did she feel i needed even more hurt added to that to which i was already feeling after the lose of vthe love of my life.i only found out last tuesday 21st after a trustee of Jaynes pension called me asking questions that Jaynes parents had filled in the pension forms same as me.i aint been told much other than i will get something,whether its going make a difference to my chances of a future without Jayne.me and Jayne were planning sell the house and move to brixham when Jayne was 55.Jayne was never ever money orientated in 2006 she took me to oneside told me look [ive had health issues which hindered my job prospects]said i should stop looking and take care of the house hold stuff ie washing ,cleaning shopping cooking etc etc.which i did,and i love doing this for Jayne.Jayne was a very hard working intelligent lady,she made my life complete,and i expected to grow old with her and never in a million years was i ever prepared for how things have gone this last 6 months or so its been an absolute nightmare.again thank you for all the responses and sorry for droning on.regards ian

I’m so sorry Ian for all you’re going through. Life is so bloody hard for us now. I pray things will sort out well for you. You so deserve it.
Julie x

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thank you Julie your comment very much appreciated.i hope and pray things work out for you .regards ian

You don’t ‘drone on’ Ian. No way! We are here to help. There is no substitute for experience in this situation, and we sure have that. There’s not a lot I can say that others have not said. But I can add my blessings and send my comfort to you. But THE comforter will come to you, of that you can be sure.

I say again Ian get legal advice ASAP. It sound’s as if you more than contributed to this relationship. I’m sure your Jane wouldn’t have wanted you to suffer in this way, so if they want a fight, then give them one. I know you don’t want all this hassle at this time but then neither should you lose everything that is dear to you. Do something positive for your future. Perhaps a letter to Jane’s family asking why they feel they have to do this to you at such a time. Keep it pleasant though with no accusations, tell them of your great love for Jane. Doesn’t sound to me as if they have given you a second thought, well let them know your around and going nowhere. Keep in touch. Bless Pat xxx.

thank you for you response Pat.ive seen citizens advice a few times and they were not very help full at all.my only chance of some help is the fact Jayne put me as beneficiary to her pensions,but sadly Jaynes parents have filled form in to,so im not sure whats going happen,will see later next week as ive a meeting with the trustees of the pension.was hoping that id be seeing my life out with Jayne and we would of moved to Brixham and enjoyed our retirement.sadly my life in terms of happiness and being with the love of my life as ended and no one or nothing can ease my loss.again thanks for your comments .regards ian

Nothing might be able to ease your loss Ian and your life has ended as you know it, but you still have a life of sorts and now you sadly must find the strength to fight for your rights and it sounds to me as if Jayne’s family are making use of your grief to take what they want. They might even be presuming that you won’t fight back. Perhaps you saw someone at the CAB that has no experience of this sort of thing. Keep persevering. Find out about legal advice. Let this family know that your not going to be a pushover and stop them from doing things that you don’t agree with.
I hate injustice as I experienced it in divorce but I kicked back with every ounce of strength I had, although it pushed me to the limits but I won the day.
Would Jayne want you to be treated like this??? I think not. So make her proud.
I truly wish you the strength to get some part of your life back. God bless Pat xxx

thank you Pat,having my brother and mate Dave with me when have meeting with pension trustee,will find out whats on table before i decide what course of action take whether thats accept or decline ,after ive taken advice on any offer or decision from my brother and Dave and trustee as to whether i contest the offer made.i personally dont think jaynes parents should get any of jaynes pension,jayne worked her heart out to hopefully lead to us having a nice retirement,not to give her parents more money having already got the car house and emptied jaynes bank account as well as already owning their own house and another that they rent out.the legal system in this country towards unmarried partners is a disgrace, those people that are responsible for treating us like lepers need seeing to.the law needs changing.again thank you Pat much appreciated.regards ian

sadly in this country the only one who will end up with nothing is me,or any one whose long term partner passes and they was not married.hopefully in the years to come the rules will change,its like sons and daughter estranged by there parents coming out the woodwork and getting monies off their parents even though they deserve nothing compared to maybe their parents new bereaved partners.

thank you for your kind words,Jayne was a very hard working ,caring, loving, warm hearted lady .we planned retire in Brixham,im not looking forwards just back towards the love of my life,ive no big plans if the pension went my way,my only want is to see that as much i can humanly do,jaynes wishes as regards her pensions go were she would of wanted.i cannot know what goes through the trustees minds in this situation,but if things are so poor in my favour, id sooner risk losing everything and contest their decision.will find out weds.fingers crossed .

Good luck for Wednesday. I presume you have looked up on your rights and agree that it’s disgusting that people living together have very little rights if one dies.
I have found something that says you could ‘Claim from their estate through inheritance Act’. ‘Apply through act for provision from deceased partners estate.’ You have six months in which to claim. I suppose a lot depends on your circumstances. How did her parents manage to get hold of her money etc. I had to wait months for the bank to sort things and we are married with a will as me as sole beneficiary…
Thank goodness my husband had made a will as I visualise his daughters would have wanted as much as they could have got hold of. No contact from them although I’ve written letters and telephone calls. Out of my life now.
Again good luck , so pleased you have support. Pat xx

thank you Pat
after 2 weeks the bank accounts were closed and monies gone to them.was told when i called bank that anything under 50k [there was about 7k ]could be taken without any extra checks.yes its appalling how insignificant unmarried partners are treated.you can meet someone and get married in a month or 2 and you are treated like a person who mattered.yet be with an unmarried partner for 25 plus years and you mean bugger all as regard how draconian laws.hopefully things will be ok wednesday,thank you for good luck wishes weds im sure going to need it.just got to wait and see.thanks again ian

…are you alright? only just noticed you have not posted these last couple of days…I hope you are baring up under all this pressure and uncertainty…
I feel today for me has been a wasted day, doesn’t seem that long when I first got out of bed, now its almost time to get back into it…I just have not achieved much today…very little really…


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thank you for dropping in Jackie,i had the meeting with trustees weds,i was in floods of tears as the lady told me Jayne had put me on expression of wish and my emotions were not tears of joy,but utter sadness knowing that my beautiful best friend and soulmate who had showed with this act that she wanted me taking care of and loved me so much would not be physically part of my life,and i so wanted to be able to take her in my arms and show Jayne how much i loved her.to know the lady i absolutely adored and was totally besotted with cared for me so much.all i said to the trustee was all i really want is to be with Jayne.

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