I lost my dearest husband 25 weeks ago and I feel that as each day passes I miss him all the more. We were married for 51 years so to suddenly be without him is unbearable. I cannot understand how I am supposed to carry on living without him. I am just existing in a sea of crying, anxiety and grief. I’ve phoned helplines numerous times, paid for one to one counselling for 3 sessions and had phonecalls for 6 weeks. It helps to talk when I’m desperate but I have no concept of how I’m ever going to accept his death.
I hate this life on my own, it’s just an endless challenge of how to pass 14 hours a day every day. This forum is the only place where I can find solace knowing that I’m not alone on this dreadful journey.
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Wrens, Sorry you are finding things difficult. I lost my Darling wife of 52 years 60 weeks ago on Sunday and still miss her every day. I will always love her. I have got happy memories that I keep close to hand in my mind that I call on when I feel sad or overwhelmed by grief. I remember when I first met Elizabeth. For a charity my sister and I had turned up to paint this community center with IVS. My sister was asked if she was staying for lunch, she said “no Rob and I are going home for lunch”. Unknown to me the group decided that my sister and I were married. A few weeks later there was a social event that we went to. I saw Elizabeth and as there was music and dancing asked her for a dance, she refused. Some time later the same evening, I asked her if she would like to go out maybe to the pictures. Elizabeth turned her back on me and walked away. By the next time we met another member of the group had discovered that we were brother and sister and told the rest of the group. It was suddenly much easier for me to talk to Elizabeth who had thought it odd that I was approaching her for a dance and later to go out with my " wife " just a few feet away. Then the saying " And then he chases her until she catches him " proved to be true and we had 52 wonderful year of marriage. One of the things we used to laugh about, a happy memory. Hope this has cheered you up a bit. I can manage the grief a bit better now and I am sure you will be able to as well.
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Dear Wrens
It was heartbreaking to read your post about the loss of your dear husband. Sadly I am also on this dreadful path having lost my wife six months ago in December 2024, we had been married for 48 years. We have no children it was just the two of us, we did everything together and totally relied on each other, we were soulmates.
Like you, I’m feeling her loss more now than a few months ago. I think for the first few weeks I was in shock and disbelief that the unthinkable had happened. The truth is beginning to sink in now and I realise that I have to face life alone.
There must be thousands of people just like us because the only certainty in life is death and sooner or later one of us is going to be left behind. The question is how do we cope?
I have asked widowed friends and relatives how they managed and they all say that you never stop loving and missing your partner but eventually you learn to live with it. Unfortunately there is no estimate of how long that painful process takes or any magic short cuts.
It’s a well worn phrase but you just have to take it one day at a time. Your top priority now is to look after yourself. I try to have three meals a day having lost 2 stone since my wife died which was weight I could ill afford to loose because I was fairly thin to start with. I also try to get enough sleep which is often easier said than done, but I do try.
I wake every morning with a black shadow hanging over me which lifts a little through the day. My favourite time is when I draw the curtains in the evening because I’m able to cross another day off the process towards ‘learning to live with it’. During the day if I can achieve something, especially a task that I have been putting off, it does give me a temporary lift which breaks up the monotony of grief.
I wish I had better advice for you but I haven’t. Although it feels like it, you aren’t suffering alone, we are all here with you.
God bless and look after yourself.
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I am sorry to read your stories @Rob05 @RJay @Wrens . There is so much similarity between these and so many of the stories I read here. The lives of love, the shock and disbelief, the emptiness. My dear wife of 42 years passed on 22nd April. I have experienced all the emotions you talk about. There is, I hope, something positive in the feeling that we cannot be alone when there are so many people sharing what we are going through. I appreciate though that the loss of our special loves is something that will stay with us for the rest of our lives. I hope you take care as you walk through your storms. You never walk alone.
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Your post made me smile. My husband of 57years (today is my anniversary) died 8 months ago. We worked at the same place, me in the office and him in the garage workshop and I knew he had a steady girlfriend of some 18 months. He phoned me at work to ask me out and I said “no” and put the phone down on him. Apparently he had broken up with his girlfriend a few weeks previous and told someone in the workshop that he wanted to ask me out but thought I was “a bit stuck up” & when I put the phone down on him he thought he was proved right. Fortunately his friend told him I wasn’t stuck up, just shy. So he tried again and this time I said yes, and the rest is history!
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Hi Abbiesnan,
You made me smile with your story, Sue and i worked in the same garage, she was a secretary to the md, i worked in the parts dept. We meet one stock check, she had heard i liked the same music and asked to borrow a tape( it was over 34 years ago). We went to the pub afterwards the firm paid for us a couple of drinks. So i asked her out and the rest is history. The best thing i ever did. I would do it again,this path is crap,but to love someone so much and to be loved back just as much.
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I was secretary to MD too! husband was an apprentice coach builder. I went from living at home with my parents to being married for almost 57 years, so it’s the first time I am on my own so it’s scary
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Yes, lived with parents till i married Sue.
Now on my own it’s scary and lonely.
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Me too Abbiesnan, I lived at home with my parents until I got married! First time living on my own at the age of 73.
I very much enjoyed your story, thank you.
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Tough isn’t it. I’m 77, soon to be 78! got to learn to think outside the box now
!
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It certainly is tough Abbiesnan.
I’m still trying to work out the layout inside the box let alone thinking outside it!
My self confidence is absolutely shot and I’ve got a lot of rebuilding to do.
Maybe if we all keep chewing this over a few solutions might emerge.
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Stupid things worry me - I’ve never ever changed a light bulb. I’m only just about 5 ft tall and my husband would never let me do it. Ridiculous to worry about it but I do.
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Strange you should mention light bulbs Abbiesnan!
I always changed the light bulbs, dealt with tap washers etc etc. Unfortunately I have an arthritic hip and last September I lost my balance exiting the bath, wrenching my right shoulder, which meant my right arm wouldn’t lift higher than shoulder level. You need two hands to change a light bulb.
I thought with my wife’s help we might be able to change a bulb between us but finding myself alone I have been dreading a bulb change.
Fortunately my shoulder is on the mend, so bulb changing at least might soon be back to normal.
I do have plenty of deficiencies though. Haven’t tried ironing yet🙁
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Why worry: LED bulbs afford in the region of 50,000 hours of light, with some brands boasting as many as 100,000 hours. In general, terms, if you use your lights for 10 hours each day, LEDs should serve you well for just shy of 14 years.
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Hello Rob05
You’ve obviously been luckier with LED bulbs than I have, especially the ones described as ‘dimmable’ which seem to fail with regular monotony. Perhaps the ones I buy are too cheap! I do now have a stock of LED bulbs mainly because you can’t easily buy anything else.
Anyway, even if they last a long time, they still have to be installed which until now has been a concern for me. 14 years though should see my shoulder right although I might not last that long😊
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Dear Rob05
Just a quick note to thank you for your post about LED bulbs. It was so refreshing to think about something ‘normal’ for a change.
Thank you also Abbiesnan for introducing the unlikely subject of light bulbs and for your anecdote about how you met your husband.
You have both provided a brief distraction from the grief we all suffer and that is most welcome.
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You are more than welcome Rjay, we all need a distraction some times. I’ll let you know if and when I have to change a light bulb! Anxiety plagues us all I think. I’m worrying this week because my daughter is on holiday in Wales and not just down the road if I need her, just stupid really because I never used to worry, but anxiety is my companion now.
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I am so sorry, that you are going through this emotional pain. Just try to take, one day at a time. Do one thing that, makes you happy. Join therapy groups, even a choir group if you can sing. Yes if counciling will, help you. I would continue with that love.
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I know how you feel i too lost my beloved last year i sending you lots of 
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