My Dad died just over 5 months ago and stupidly i thought that after a while life would go back to normal . How wrong i was . I now realise that life will never be the same again.
Should it be getting easier after 5 months because its not . If anything its getting harder.
If i don’t think about him i can cope but i don’t want to not think about him but then its so hard.
He was in his 80’s and had been ill for a few years . Even though i felt like i’d been waiting for years for the phone call to come with bad news. I wasn’t ready for it when I did.
My mind just goes back to when i saw him in hospital ( the first time i’ve ever seen someone who had died. I didn’t get to say goodbye to him ) why can’t my mind think about the good times ?
I know that he was ready to go and he didn’t want to carry on the way he was but selfishly i wasn’t ready to let him go.
Its changed me in the way i think about death. I know people around me are going to die but this has just made it all seem more real.
I miss him so much 
Sending condolences… it sounds like the reality of your loss has come into sharp focus for you. Yes, life will not be the same and grief will be with you but you will learn to live around it. I’m six months on from losing my Mum so I can understand how heartbreaking your loss is. I’ve gone through phases when I have felt so desolate, losing a parent is so very final. But ultimately I know my Mum would be so upset if she knew how much suffering her death was causing me. So I try hard to get on with everyday life as best I can. I’m not very motivated to do things I used to do but I will eventually find the energy and enthusiasm to try. Best wishes xx
Hi Lost19,
I’m sorry for your loss.
I just wanted to say that what you describe resonates with me. My Dad died 8 months ago and nothing feels normal. I feel like there is a gaping hole in my heart and nothing about my life feels the same. Not having my Dad here hurts so much and I still feel very lost.
I remember having a particularly tough time with grief around the 5/6 month mark. The grief felt relentless and I think i was also putting too much pressure on myself to feel better, when in reality I felt worse. My Dad was here my whole life so it makes no sense that I would feel better or ok with this new existence any time soon. I no longer anticipate when I’ll feel better or when it will get easier and instead I try to accept the grief as it comes. I can’t control it.
At 8 months on, I get some days where the grief doesn’t always feel unbearable. I’m not sure if I’ve just got used to feeling sad or if I am finding ways to cope. I miss my dad everyday and i felt quite upset earlier hence reading on here which helps.
For a long time I felt stuck between the period of September to November from Dad’s diagnosis to death. All I could think of was Dad being sick and my mind played it over on rotation. I would then panic that I was forgetting him. The memories of Dad being sick have now faded a bit and I remember my Dad when he was healthy and when we were happy.
Losing a parent is devestating, especially one you are so close to. I think we will learn to cope but as I keep hearing there is no timeline on grief. We are forever changed.
Take care.
Xx
Thank you for your replies it means a lot.
My head just feels so confused.
Life goes on as i know it has to but because of that i feel like i haven’t had time for my head to process whats happened if that makes sense '?
I feel like not only am i trying to cope with losing him i 'm trying to cope with the last time i saw him ( he’d already died when we got there ) i saw him in the chapel of rest where i didn’t cope well at all and in retrospect should never have gone ( my mind does not let me go back to that day thankfully )
I know he wouldn’t want me to be sad but i am.
Give it time. Eventually you’ll be able to remember those happier memories. I didn’t get to say goodbye properly to my Mum either as she collapsed and died at her home. I wrote her a long letter and read it to her in the chapel of rest. It was heartbreakingly emotional for me but I am glad I did it. I still have jolts of sadness when I’m reminded of my Mum, but I now try to balance these with remembering a shared memory. I find looking at my photos of these times helps, but I know we’re all different and for some people it would make them feel worse. Take care xx
Just lost my mam in may my heads a mash i dont even know how i feel. I dont know if im just been hard for my dad or what feels strange. X
Hi, sending condolences… your loss is very raw and recent so be kind to yourself and take time to process your feelings. It’s a brutal time so look after yourself as you support your Dad. Best wishes xx
Yeah. I did the chapel of rest…with my sister. Without saying a word to each other we both walked out. It just wasnt my mother. We both returned individually but I couldnt bring myself to really look at her. Im glad Ive got little to remember from that. She passed 10th June. A Saturday. The worst is that someone at work was away that week so I pretty much had to work and she was more or less fine Monday and Tuesday. Even Wednesday even if she did stay in bed. 17th May we were told her cancer was terminal but given 3 to 6 months I thought it was likely closer to three than 6 months but thats still around August so I wanted to conserve my time off work looking at taking a day off a week. Alas she passed three and a half weeks after being given 3 to 6 months and I worked her final week. This is what so pains me. And work? Wasnt worth it. It became clear they have no time at all for my personal life. It pains me how I gave her final days to them, not her. She deserved it. Those at my place of work do not.