My wife of 32years sadly passed away on the 29th june, she was 61 and had ovarian cancer, although she was terminally ill, I still feel that I never really thought she would pass away.
It’s five weeks on now and I just can’t stop crying I feel like the best part of my life has now gone and can’t bear the loneliness this has brought me.
Just can’t see how things will ever improve, I can’t motivate myself to do anything and am just sitting around feeling sorry for myself and crying, just don’t know what I can do feel like my life is over now.
9 Likes
I’m so sorry. I lost my wife on 17th April so understand where you are. Are you in contact with any help, Doctor or counselling etc? This is also an excellent site because everyone is on the same terrible journey. Please reach out any time. If you can’t speak to friends or family, Samaritans are very good and can guide you to other help. You’ve taken the first step by coming here.
Not been able to seek any help or counselling, just feel I’m not able to talk about it, I just sit here crying, I feel to much of a wreck and would just break down in tears. Sure you can understand where I’m coming from.
3 Likes
My husband died 6th June so still early days for me. Find online chat very useful. Much loved offer a counsellor online for an hour which can help. It is important to talk or text and cry or I think we would explode. The grief has to come out some way. Xx . Sandra
1 Like
yes very much so. If you can, vent here. it’s totally safe. And you need to cry. When you need to, just let it out. We’ve all broken down in the supermarket or meeting someone for coffee or especially at home when a wave just hits you. Sandra is right. It has to come out some way.
3 Likes
Sorry to hear about your wife. My husband passed away suddenly on 8th June so sudden and he had no illness. We both had cancer during lockdown testicular and i had ovarian cancer. Now after ops have borderline ovarian cancer which is monitored over 10 years and i am in year 3 of my journey. We had hoped to be spending our retirement together but that was not to be he was only 63. Some days i keep busy but later it hits me and i have to do everything on my own. I dont sleep or eat but that looks like the norm on this forum. We all seem to go through same emotions. Time goes by and we have to go along with it. It hurts but i hope this journey gets better for all bereaved people.
Look after yourself
I believe our partners would not want us to be sad.
6 Likes
It’s hard to accept, I’m 12 weeks in and I feel like I’m sinking and walls are closing in. Doctors said it was normal but mental health nurse had referred me for counselling today hoping that helps me. But keep talking and sharing it helps sometimes other times nothing helps.
2 Likes
I can absolutely relate to your post in every way. I don’t think that I really believed that my wife would die even after the consultant said to me " Mike,it will be weeks not months,"
I have little or no control emotionally and not had many days where I haven’t broken down crying at some point.
Even now I get these mental flashes where I first don’t believe my wife has gone and then in the next moment it hits me that she has,when that happens the tears come and the pain is horrendous.
I keep telling myself that I have to accept and let the pain in and hope and pray that it will ease when it’s meant to.
Friday teatime/nights and then Sundays are simply torture. I don’t have close family,my wife was the only friend that I needed so it’s tough,really tough but we have to get through it and find out what kind of life is left for us.
You can’t stop the crying Wayne2,it will happen when it’s meant to but I can and do sympathise with you. I wish you all the best at this terrible time that we didn’t choose.
6 Likes
There is a website called much loved. You can have a 1hour online chat with a counsellor. When I feel really bad I have gone on that a couple of times and it has helped me calm down. I have been crying so much this afternoon I have a headache. Drinking plenty of water in case I am now dehydrated. Don’t want to take painkillers as I have had them the last couple of nights and they can upset my stomach. I do hope I can sleep tonight.
1 Like
@miker . I so relate. He went into hospital and suddenly we were told at most days possibly hours. He had only been diagnosed 2 days before. It was difficult to take in but both being extremely practical people after crying we discussed how he wanted his funeral and where he wanted his wake. This was just over 8 weeks ago. I get those moments when I don’t believe it and the sudden realisation it is true. Today has been a really bad day. Hopefully I will be able to sleep tonight and tomorrow will be better. All we can do is survive 1day, 1 hour, 1 min at a time. Hugs xx
3 Likes
Thank you for mentioning that website, think I’ll look into it properly tomorrow as I good do with some major therapy/counselling and the doctor is being very slow. She’s actually making me feel worse by concentrating on physical problems she thinks I have! Hope you manage to sleep tonight, I seem to alternate the nights I sleep at the moment but we’ll see! xx
1 Like
@Wayne2 Hi Wayne and sadly welcome to Here, my Wife passed away 9 months ago and I was in exactly the place you are just now. It’s the shittest thing I’ve ever had to go through. Lost people before , but losing my Wife is on a different level. I had shed a few tears in the past but nothing like the early days, thought I was losing my mind. At one point I was making the strangest nosies, almost from the base of my stomach. I struggled with it, trying to hold it back. but it never really did me any good, now I just let it out, doing the dishes and crying is my new normal sometimes. but its that sometimes that counts now, not always just sometimes. It gets easier, forget what you hear about better, not in my experience. Part of your life has gone, it’s that simple. things from now on will be different, it took me a while to get to that but here I am chatting with you. Something I couldn’t even imagine at your stage.
Like you I knew my wife was going to dieand she knew she was going to die, cancer, but we just got on with it, tried to give her normality. It was all that she really wanted. I thought I would be ok, I had tried to process The After but it made no difference once she went, I was lost. Who was I without her? I was just me. Bit by bit you’ll put yourself back together, you will find yourself again.
It’s perfectly ok to sit around and feel sorry for yourself, why wouldn’t you? If there was one time in your life that no one is going to judge you for feeling sorry for yourself it’s now. It’s all ok, just let things out, we are all in the same boat and nothing you can say will surprise or shock us. You’ve found a life raft, you’re doing ok. I wish I could give you a way out, but this is it, you’ll get through, keep coming on here, it helped me.
5 Likes
Its been 8 weeks since my wonderful husband of 50 years of marriage passed and I just cant stop crying.
2 Likes
Believe me I know the feeling. Coming up for 9 weeks for me also 50 years of marriage. It is so hard. It’s like we are now half a person. For me the better half has gone. Crying just suddenly starts. Weekends are the worst but don’t know why. Just plod on. From the posts on this site it will get easier if not better. Xx from a kindred spirit.
3 Likes
It has been seven months for and tbh I don’t feel life has got very much easier. Some days are better than others depending on what I am doing. I don’t cry as much, it’s usually triggered, for instance, I just arrived home soaking wet and he would have called out. I always say when I get home but, of course, there’s no reply.
Living alone is making me worse and it’s not going to get any better with the evenings getting gradually darker.
2 Likes
Trying so hard to relax, have been feeling really stressed lately, but man next door seems to be trying to drill through the wall into my house. If Keef was still here he would have already gone round there and have a “polite” word with him! The weather seems to make it so much worse and this living alone is so very wrong, I just wonder if I can ever feel anything approaching normal again after nearly 6 months.
3 Likes
I don’t think there is normal anymore. Just different
3 Likes
@Guineapig65
So sorry you are having put up with a noisy neighbour, how inconsiderate, Hope it soon stops and you can relax.
I have totally forgotten what my old normal was like My new normal is absolutely awful, with the loss of confidence and loneliness, amongst many other things.
I am at least eating much better.
4 Likes
Pudding, I feel for you. I knew it would be hard but I didnt realise how lost I would feel and how I cant settle to anything. I only feel half a person now. Sending hugs. xx
1 Like
We know exactly how each of us feels as we are at exactly the same point if our grief with the same length of time with our soul mates. It is really hard isn’t it. So painful. Xx. Sandra
2 Likes