How can I help my bereaved daughter?

Long story short when my daughter split up with her boyfriend his best friend gave her a place to stay. They became very close friends and the only thing stopping them trying to see if things worked between the. Wasnot wanting to upset her ex boyfriend being his best friend also. Although they were not officially a couple she loved him and he admitted he loved her and would try to make a go of things eventually. He was then suddenly killed in a car crash and she feels like her heart has been ripped out. To make it worse she can’t grieve properly for him as no one knows how close they hadbecome and she is back sharing the house renting the spare room she shared with her previous boyfriend asshe needed somewhere to live it doesn’t want to be with him ina relationship. She is going to work and trying to live her life like normal and supporting her ex for the loss of his best friend. While all the time she is in pain and just wants to see hi. One more time and expecting it to all be wrong and get a text fro. Him. I just don’t k ow how to help her because she obviously needs to grieve for the loss of someone she thought she might spend her life with eventually andeven ha e kids etc. It breaks my heart k owing I cant help so as well as grieving for the loss of. Young life of someone I only knew of it feels like I am grieving for my daughters loss too to know she is in such pain and probably so t find out what really happened with his accident

Hi Stormja,

I’m so sorry to hear about your daughter’s loss. It sounds like a very sad situation where she probably has a lot of unresolved questions about what might have been between her and this friend. It is great that you want to support her and are looking for ways to do that.

It’s really important for people to have an outlet for their grief, so if she can’t talk to her friends, then it’s especially important that you be there for her and listen when she needs to talk. It’s tough to see someone you love in pain, and it can be tempting to try make her feel better or offer advice, but this can come across as trying to minimise her pain, so it’s better to just listen and let her know her emotions are valid.

There’s more useful advice on supporting someone who has been bereaved on these web pages:

You mention that she feels she can’t talk about her grief because people didn’t know how close they were. This sounds like what is sometimes referred to as “disenfranchised grief” - this means grief that someone has to keep hidden because it is not considered socially acceptable for some reason. You can read more about this in this article: