My gorgeous darling mum passed away 4 weeks ago. In her sleep. Im in shock all I can picture is her face laying in bed.I can’t focus on anything. Can’t talk to my boyfriend. Im off work till January. Im dreading xmas seeing everyone so happy and im wanting the world to end…I miss her so much I can’t stop crying. . How do I cope in these first few weeks.?
Hi im very sorry for your loss .My advice is take each day at a time .Have you been to see your gp re help (im on medication because of my loss )Cant you offload to hyour boyfriend (or have you not known him long ).Samaritains there there 247 365 (i phone them they are there for anyone in distress i asked them ) Contact Priscilla (community manager )she will know of someone suffereing the same type of loss im sure (or ill gladly contact her for you just ask its no problem friendship hug Colin (57)
Hi, I too had very vivid flashbacks of my mum. She had fallen to the floor and was laying there for more than an hour before I found her. I couldn’t get that picture out of my head for weeks as well as her tiny little body on the bed in hospital in the weeks that followed.
This did pass and I soon started to find little reminders of my mum that made me smile. It will pass. They say there are many stages in grief and each of us experience them to varying degree. This will pass for you too and hopefully soon you will be able to think of happier memories of your mum. You’ll always miss her but she will make you smile again.
Christmas is such a traditional family time and I can fully appreciate that this must be compounding the raw emotion that you are feeling. You have done a positive thing for yourself in sharing your pain on these pages. There are so many here that know your grief. I truly believe that my own sharing in recent weeks have been therapeutic and I am coping a bit better as Christmas (my mum’s bithday) nears.
Maybe after now sharing on here you might be able to do so with your boyfriend or even your GP. Their support could be invaluable to you.
Take care of yourself…x
Hi Devastated,
Those initial memories will pass, it is horrible I agree seeing your own lovely Mum like that. I was with my Mum when she passed away and seeing it happen and the changes to her was awful. Another poster on this forum gave a good suggestion in another thread. Try and counter every sad thought or memory with something from a happier time, a photograph of Mum when she was happy and healthy is what I use.
My Mum passed away five months ago and I still cry every day for her. At the moment is dreadful with Christmas and everything. As Colin has said, take each day as it comes. Remember to eat regularly and give yourself little treats, bar of chocolate, long leisurely bubble bath, whatever appeals to you. And don’t try to be brave, ask for help if you need it.
Mel.
Hi colin, thanks for reply… i went to my drs for a sick note… life just seems awful at the moment. I cant be bothered with anything. Ive lost my best friend my darling mum and feel very alone now. I still have my dad and he is sufferiing too. I have her jumper what she was wearing the day before… dont know if i am just tortering myself by crying into it all the time. Each day at a time i suppose…its still raw for me now. How are you doing colin? X
Hi mel. Thank you fir replying. Its awful i know… i think with it coming up to xmas it makes it worse. My mum passed sudddenly. I did a lot for her but i still feel v guilty that i didnt do enough… just trying to live each day at a time. Take care x
Hi pepper. Thank you for replying. Taking each day st a time and coming on here does help talking to other people who are unfortunately all in the same boat. Xmas is a hard time of year when you have lost someone. Take care x
Hi D (i hope you dont mind me calling you this ) i still live day by day (04032016 my denise died on her birthday 41) i have no one physicall to confide in i either chat ohere or i go to Cruse once a month (ask your doc about Cruse?) .I try not to go down memory lane im scared ill cry for days and having no support i live in a bubble .Tbh i cant sit back and try to help you and other i hope .Time is a great healer ? i disagree time forces people to change and get through life a different way big big Friendship hug Colin
Hi Devastated
I’m so sorry for your loss.
I don’t remember the first couple of months doing anything but crying, sleeping and trying to do normal things. I failed at doing normal, just scraping by work wise after a week off. I didn’t feel much other than sad and numb and kept picturing her lied out in the chapel, just a shell with the essence cruely removed. That picture has faded a bit or maybe it’s just less shocking now and accepted.
I went a bit crazy buying stuff too which I didn’t need and in some instances didn’t even really want particularly, anything to fill the void, as if material things could do that - yes I lost the plot.
I would often just forget stuff and walk around in a daze on autopilot, in fact I still feel like I’m on autopilot a lot of the time, but less so.
As others have said a day at a time, don’t be afraid to grieve it’s a huge loss and don’t be afraid to reach out on here or to CRUSE or your GP.
Try and look after yourself, eat well, sleep when you can and get a bit of fresh air everyday, even if you don’t feel like it, it is important you think of yourself.
Gemma
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Hi unhappy. Thats how i feel like im on autopilot. Been out today but then i feel guilty that i am trying to live a normalish life…whivh is a bit impossible right now…take care x
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Please try not to feel guilty, you loved her dearly and I am most certain that she loved you unconditionally.
One day at a time… x
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