Many people on this site have lost someone precious very recently. We are told to slowly move forward and make a new life and a new routine for ourselves - but how? If you have no near family or means of transport you find that friends either can’t or won’t visit you for fear of catching or spreading the virus… No hugs allowed. No coffee mornings or meetings to go to etc. We are prisoners in our own home with only tears for company and the constant reminders that the permanently quiet house is missing one vital person.
That special person is all that is on your mind as there is no other distraction. Has anyone found a solution.
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Hi jean2
My family visits regularly, but the only person on my mind all the time is Tony. It doesn’t matter what I do, he is always there. When I watch tv, even if I amvery absorbed in the programme, I hear “Tony’s dead” in my subconscious. It’s awful and I have no idea how to stop it. So you have my sympathy.
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I don’t know if this helps you, but I’ll tell you what I’ve been doing:
Some time ago, I decided that I could not live in the past, and needed to make a new life for myself. I had been lucky enough to be married to the same woman for 48 years, but that was now over. Rather than die, I decided to construct a new life and live.
So I’ve been on the dating sites. I have met several women, disliked most of them, bit have at least been involved in some sort of social life.
An unexpected outcome has been that I have become friends with a few of them. Not what I was looking for, but you can’t always have what you want. I speak to a few on the phone, and have begun to appreciate having females as friends, which I have not had before.
I spoke to one of my new friends tonight, for nearly 2 hours. It helps a lot - although you cannot meet, you can still have an interesting conversation.
An unexpected bonus.
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I totally agree with your post. I have done the same thing, life has to go on and although I have not met the woman we have been chatting online and we will meet sometime. In fact we have moved further and actually talk on the phone every night. There’s option’s out there if you are willing to try them.
I am so glad you have found peace and relief in a dating site and I have no problem with that. However, the thought of me “dating” anyone else fills me with horror. The only man I have ever loved is gone. There will never be anyone else for me. You can’t improve on perfection. So I wish you a happy life and thank you for your reply, but can’t follow your suggestion.
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I hear what you’re saying and I thought the same when I lost my wife. I am saying moving on is not for everyone. I hope you find your happiness which ever way xx
I agree with AnnR that I could never think of dating again. As she says ’ You can’t improve on perfection’ and that is what I had. By moving on I mean living a normal life of shopping, family visits etc not dating. Covid is putting a stop on all that so how can we live how we are supposed to and have a bit of distraction in our lives when we can only sit at home and think of what we have lost. It all prolongs the grief and sadness and doesn’t take away the raw pain of it all.
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Well done Jaldi, I like your words:
‘Rather than die, I decided to construct a new life and live’ . It might be called a positive approach but I call it being realistic. I admire you and anyone else that makes that supreme effort and attempts to accept that new life that has been thrust on us.
I personally would never go on a dating site but anything that helps us has got to be good. I too don’t want another man in my life but I have no objection to friendships. I know plenty of men with my hobbies but I don’t have romantic thoughts about them. It’s fine to have friendships with the opposite sex.
Good luck to you.
Hi Jean I am so sorry that you feel like a hostage in your own home. Things have changed but there is no reason that you have to be held hostage.
I too live on my own and my family are further away and of course during lockdown I didn’t see them. I had to give up a new group of friends I had just started meeting, although I’m not into coffee mornings (don’t drink it). I had started going to social outings in our town, dance classes, Gym and volunteering at a local church, all came to halt (now restarted) but I was determined to not let Covid put a stop to my life, I am certainly not a prisoner. I had always done long walks with the dogs and this didn’t have to stop as exercise is allowed. I have my allotments and this was a godsend to not just me but many plot holders. I did my Yoga and dancing at home. Of course not everyone has an allotment but there are our gardens. I have gone out every day since lockdown announced in March. Although I never went out of my area and my car didn’t move for months. I have isolated myself by keeping my distance, not had visitors except family which started again recently. Life doesn’t have to stop. In our area life isn’t that much different and we are becoming accustomed to wearing face masks.
Is there not a bus that you can jump on from time to time. Take a look around your area and see what might be on offer. I wish you luck.
Pat
Hi Jean
I have been gone from this forum for a while but just came back for moral support.
I can appreciate your distress and I fully get what frustration the restrictions are bringing on us all. So I thought I would just share what I consider to be a kind of solution to the lack of interaction. I think by now many things do not make too much sense about the information we hear as well as the official instructions we are given. So trying to investigate why things do not make sense can take us to lots of different things and keep our minds so busy that we can even feel some lightening of the burdensome lockdowns. Study the various issues about covid and try to find out truth from error as you do your own research and you will have something to keep you busy and distracted for a very long time without going onto dating sites! All the best.
Hi Khayne - thank you for your suggestions. However, as you will see from one of my earlier posts I have no intention of going on dating sites as a distraction. That is not my intention at any time. What I had was precious to me and always will be. I am making the best of things and just get on with life. I’m sure it will get better for all of us given time.
I live two hours away from my family. I have found throwing myself into work keeping busy helps pass the time. But for those moments your alone with your thoughts. They are still so difficult. I’m now having to self isolate. I’m alone all day. The funeral was only 6 days ago. Not good timing 
. I want to be at work. I need to be at work.
I’m finding covid restrictions difficult too. My dad died in June, but it simply doesn’t feel like it happened because of restrictions etc. I haven’t talked about it much with the few people I see. But then if I have to go anywhere ‘out’ like drs or shops I’m suddenly overwhelmed, like how can the world exists when he’s gone? Whenever I talk to someone outside my small group of people, about anything, all I want to do is say ‘my dad died’ and cry. I feel like when I have to return normal life I’m going to crumble?
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I feel the same. How can life be going on as “normal” when yours isn’t. I feel I need to tell everyone what’s happened . I feel that I’m being very selfish right now 
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Hi sorry for your loss
Grief has felt more accute recently during lockdown
I am still in the raw stage. I tried reconstructing my life too soon. I am trying out online fb spiritual groups meditation . I might have a look at meet up groups to see if there is one for bereavement . I will distance myself from friends as they are going through their own process during lockdown.
I am trying out a self care routine. You can heal your life with Louise Hay which is about grief has helped a little and to acknowledge emotions …I am just having to follow what is right for me
Thank yor reaching out .
I am be having counselling as my own work involves helping people.
Best wishes
Tracy