How do go on

How do you go on without your soulmate.Today the pain is so much my heart aches for him to have him back by my side.I am just sitting here looking at his pics and vids of what once was and listening to his voice.Its like a terrible dream and can’t except all that has happened we had so many plans he was only 5 0 and taken suddenly by a heart attack.
I just want to go to bed and never get up.

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Hello
So sorry for your loss
My husband passed December the 5th due to COVID
He was 57 my life stop that day
My heart was broken and never will repair
I miss Andy so much
I stay in bed to 11 most mornings and go bed around 4
Can’t see any point to anything
Pain really is unbearable isn’t it
I have a sick feeling all day
Take care Debbie xx

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Hi Debbie55,

Sorry for your loss to that’s the day my beloved died to.yes I stay in bed now till 10 as think what’s the point in getting up and feel to sick to do anything maybe one day can try move forward as at the moment I think what is the point without Mark as we did all together was my life .
Time is moving on and I w ant it to just stop .
Reading a book on grief now made myself read a chapter as I just wanted to go to bed pull duvet over head .I was going to go out buy alcohol know that make me worse as did that few times already helps for few hrs then bang hurt their again so will read my book and make a cup of tea.

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Hi

So sorry for your loss and know exactly how you are feeling . It’s just so hard to get out of bed and try and get through the day. Like both of you I have now found it’s late morning before I get out of bed and just cannot face anything keep thinking I will do such a thing tomorrow and it just doesn’t happen. I lost my partner of 37 years to COVID 30/10/20 he was 50. He’s the only life I’ve known and I just can’t face what the future holds. We have a grown up daughter and 2 Grandson who are our world and am trying to focus on them . No one really gets it unless they have been where we are. I have lost the other half of me :broken_heart:. Take care

Hi
I feel like my body here but my heart and soul
Went with Andy on December the 5th
I have 2 sons 19and 30 and at the min I don’t get
Any comfort from them they are really good with me
But all I need is my husband
Take care x

I feel exactly the same as you the pain inside is relentless and I don’t want to be here without him. I too keep watching videos and cry continuously I also am scared that I will live for years without him he was my life we did everything together.

How mad reading all the stories and sounds all the same that we are feeling and can only understand if going through it what it is like .
Yet I feel in a world that it’s llike your the only one going through such a terrible thing .
It’s great coming on here sharing to see your not alone.

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Aww Debbie that’s exactly how I feel and sometimes feel selfish for that x
Take care

Dear Quarterman

Exactly how I feel. Today I left work. We had worked hard and sacrificed so much and we were looking forward to enjoying our retirement together. Now he is gone. Today was just dreadful. My poor son tried to tell me that my focus was now our little grandson, which of course it was always going to be, but Ian was also my life. We had been together for 42 years, I sob imagining how many years I may have to live without him. The pain is just unbearable. I am ashamed to say that when with grandson alone today I had to take a moment out to just sit and cry at my own and his loss. Ian was a devoted granda and he should have been still here to enjoy retirement and our grandson.

Take care xx

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Dear Sheila
I understand your feelings I too feel unable to cuddle and give our two grandchildren the love I should he adored them. Tim only left me 10 days ago and I have now been told I will not be able to see him as the word Covid is on his medical records closed Covid only it’s another kick. I was hoping to see him sleeping and peaceful as his passing on a ventilator has left me traumatised. and the nightmares haunt me.
My name is Julie I chose the username Quarterman as we were getting married on 18th June and this was his name.
I have been awake since 4am again just trying to get through an hour at a time.

I am so so sorry other people are suffering like me it is endless torture I try tell my family I have been on this terrible rollercoaster since Tim went into hospital everyone else can get off for a while and then step back on but I have to stay on it and there is no end in sight.

Julie

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Dear Julie

It has been five months now since Ian died. Each day gets harder. I feel for our children because not only have they lost their dad but they must feel they have lost me. Certainly I will never be the same person.

The current restrictions only make the pain so much harder - I am so sorry that you are unable to see Tim. Family and friends try but do not understand our pain unfortunately

Take care and try to rest when you can.
Sheila x

@Quarterman Julie, I’m sorry you are unable to visit Tim, I think that these sort of “rules” increases the unnecessary suffering. It is so difficult to try a collate your thoughts when you are having to deal with something so traumatic.
Sadly friends and family will only know how much you are suffering if they have gone through the loss of a partner themselves, without this knowledge the have no idea.
I hope you can get through the day

I lost my husband of 27 years to covid on 13 Jan, he was 56.
I feel guilty I wished I shouted at him to not work, he was a bus driver and had to shield as he had underlying health conditions. He was diagnosed with COPD when he was 38 and gave up smoking and I feel so guilty as I forgot he was diagnosed with COPD years ago, he never complained about it nut when the paramedics came to assess him at home he said, I have COPD. Why didn’t I just tell him to stay away from work, he was obsessed with making money. Even when he was supposed to shield he still went out to Tescos.
I miss him so much, the pain inside is unbearable to live with, I think about him 24/7, I can’t cope, he was such a lovely man, we idolized each other.
How do I get through the days without him.
I have no friends as we lived for each other.
I have 3 grown up boys living at home and sometimes I feel like they don’t understand.
I’m so sorry for everyone on here who has suffered loss, its horrendous, never felt such pain.
Love to you all xxx

Hello
So sorry for your loss
So painful each day
My husband passed December the 5th due to COVID
Andy was 57 we to only lived for each other
I have 2 sons I know what you mean they don’t understand
Everyone here on this site does
Take care Debbie xx

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Hi @Amy49,
I am so so sorry for your loss it is heartbreaking . I lost Graham my partner of 37 years 30/10 he caught COVID in hospital had health issues and had been shielding. Like you he was my everything no close friends as we were happy with each other. I have a grown up daughter and 2 grandsons but they have their own life to live. No one seems to get how truly devastating this is I’m a few months further on and still cannot accept this . Not even collected his ashes yet and the funeral was 11/12. I do not want to accept it. After speaking to GP I now have an assessment with a bereavement counsellor next week ( think it may be deep grief a form of PTSD). Maybe if you haven’t already look into that. I should have taken action sooner but just thought things would feel better. Can’t see how they ever will . It’s just so heartbreaking. Keep talking.
Take care
Julie
X

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Hi @Debbie55

Just checking on you as I know you too are struggling.

Take care

Hello
Thank you for asking
Been to the hospital today as I have been getting chest pains
So now under the hospital blood pressure very high
So hard it really is
Take care and thank you xx

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Hello

I was thinking of you today Take care

Big hugs

Aww sorry to read that. It is so hard hope you get sorted with BP

Take care x

Hello
Doctor will be ring tomorrow
To try and sort things
My problem is like most off us on this site
I don’t want to carry on
Don’t want to be here without Andy
Sure we all feel like this
So hard xx

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