How do I carry on

It’s that pain in my heart that just gets worse
The crying without knowing - the tears fall from nowhere.I really can’t wait to be with my husband again.
He died 8 weeks ago, cardiac arrest out of the blue , they got a pulse and was on life support for 2 days , there was no response when he was taken off but he was breathing they said he couldn’t feel any pain but he could hear us , I had him home for his last 2 days on end of life and sat with him days and night just talking, and telling him how much we all loved him . .
my life feels empty although I have my grown up children and they do help , I have gone back to work and that helps while I’m there , it’s just when I get home and the pain hits me all over again, I know it’s early days but I can’t see it ever getting any better, I’m not suicidal I wouldn’t put my children through that pain, I just wanted to pour my heart out and tell someone how I’m really feeling , people ask how I am I just say ok , I don’t know what else to say but I’m not ok I don’t think I will ever be ok , until I’m back with my husband. We were together for 42 years and that’s a big hole to fill … sorry for going on I just wanted to tell someone how I’m really feeling and be in touch with someone wha actually knows what I’m feeling… thank you …


Hi , so sorry for your loss . I do know how you feel . I met my husband when we were both 16 . We had been together for 43 years and married 39 . He died a year ago . We were both 59 . I still can’t find a future without him . He is all I had known all my adult life . I have kids and grandkids that I love . But they are not enough I just want my husband . My kids need to have a happy life like we did . So I don’t let them know how bad I feel . I don’t ever want to be a burden on them . This is a lonely road we are all walking on . But all we can do is put one step infront of another . And try our best to get through each heartbreaking day . Please keep posting on this site . It does help . And has helped me a lot knowing how I am feeling is “normal” and I’m not just going crazy . Thinking of you . Xtake carex


It is nearly 22 months of widowhood for me. I understand the shock and pain you are going through at the moment it will get easier but I’m still so sad and lonely without Paul. I guess it will get less painful eventually but I will always love and miss him. I do hope you find peace. Hugs.


Thank you I resonate so much with what you have replied , we to were married 39 years , this is so comforting to know that I’m not going crazy and I’m not alone with the way I feel , it really does help, I will use this site regularly… Take care … x


Hi Angie,

What you say rings so true for me too. Cardiac arrest without warning and I have my daughters, one is getting married next year, the other is learning disabled and still lives with me.
I don’t want to worry them and we will do anything to protect our children.

The missing my husband is SO total that it is sometimes difficult to want to do anything.
I find I waste hours playing pointless games on my iPad until it’s time for bed…

I am ridiculously busy most days and I am trying to look after all my husband created and was responsible for but when the evenings come, whereas I used to knit, crochet or sew as we sat together, I find I can’t concentrate on any of that.
I hope that will come back soon as it was such a part of me and I want to make our memory quilts from his clothes. I just don’t seem to have the mental energy.

Sending love to you. x


Hi AngieST,

I feel like I could of written your post, my husband passed away 5 weeks ago in exactly the same circumstances. We are just so shocked. Can you get your head around it? I have an 18 and 22yr old, we just can’t accept what has happened. We feel like it’s a nightmare and we will wake up soon.
I have no idea how I’m supposed to live without him.
Sending love to you x