4 weeks
The only way I cope is to not cope.
I still think she’s coming home.
When I realise she’s not I have a suffocating weight on my chest, I want to be with her, how do I live my life when she is not here?
I run, I run away from people, I run away from life.
I want to go. I want to be with her, no one else, no friends, no family just her
MoBe
I am so sorry for your loss of your beautiful daughter. I lost my son 27 five weeks ago and we still dont know why and could be three months!
I feel your pain and i too dont want to be here but over the past couple of weeks i know he would want me to live my life as best i can.
Some days im ok and then im a mess as like the day after. I walk my dogs and see people i know. I cry and they are nice.
I think about him ALL the time and look forward to going to sleep so i dont think.
Just take it hour by hour and what works for you, thats all you can do.
This site is helpful and people do respond.
Sending you a huge hug and love xx
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@MoBe I’m sorry you find yourself here .
In these early days it is totally natural to feel how you do and I can only echo what @Ruby3 has said .
Of course we don’t want to go on without our child but somehow we do .
I’m 12 weeks Into this horrible new reality .
I won’t say it gets easier but somehow we learn to cope and live alongside our loss carrying out children in our hearts forever .
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MoBe
I feel your pain, minute by minute. I lost my son to a drugs overdose in March, feels like yesterday as I had the inquest Thursday.
Minute by minute, keep talking.
Take care xx
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I am no longer the person I was , I no longer have the future I thought, I no longer care.
I have completely and totally lost my ability to care about anyone or anything in my life.
I walk the streets late at night, I no longer look out for traffic, I fear nothing because the very worst has happened, life holds nothing for me any more.
I am a hollow shell, I have no feelings only despair.
My heart goes out to you and I’m so sorry for your loss. My 28 year old daughter passed away 7 weeks ago. I am broken, devastated, empty, numb, so many overwhelming emotions that are literally like being on a rollercoaster. Like someone said it’s minute by minute, keep talking on here. I don’t know how you carry on as I don’t want to I know …life feels meaningless now. The sadness and heaviness in your heart is unbearable . All our situations are unique to us but we have all lost a child/children … so please reach out as we all try to comfort in whichever small way we can . Once again I’m so so sorry and please try to look after yourself. We are all here xx
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These first weeks are so so hard, im just approaching week 8 ,take it minute by minute. I’ve not left the house walking since and I’ve not driven myself since, today has been a PJ day. Keep talking to us
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I still cannot believe she has gone.
I cannot look at her photos, hear her voice, read her final letter to me, I just want her back.
She had her whole future ahead of her, she was so talented and was just on the verge when it was all snatched away within a heartbeat.
I don’t want this life I want my old life, I want my happy, smiling baby back.
How can life go on when she is not in it?
I contacted Dignitas but I have to have a diagnosis, how can you diagnose a broken heart, a broken mind, a broken life? We all know the cause, the symptom and the prognosis, terminal sadness, no cure.
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So so heartbreaking 
My son was 31 we think this is how he died
But we don’t understand yet
I’m broken I don’t know how I’m here walking around in a trance
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Nine of us are the same person we were, and look on everything so differently. I’m a mess today again after the inquest Thursday.
Remember minute by minute is all we can do. I have days when I can look at photos, other days I can’t, just do what’s right at the time, if you are out walking in the dark, please stay safe. I have no idea where you may be in the country, but please be careful. I’m lucky I’m right by the coast in a village. Keep messaging on here and we can all do this together and try and help each other xx
I had my pjs on really early yesterday, with my dressing wrapped round me, gives me some comfort in a way. Whatever helps us in this living hell I really think I’m in along with everyone else. Xx
I didnt get dressed yesterday, but have some old grotty joggers on today…so sort of dressed. My sister popped in yesterday and said i look like someone off ill from work, no wonder delivery men scarper as soon as i open the door
That has made me giggle delivery men scarpering, hope you felt able to talk to your sister, it doesn’t matter what we have on or if we spend all day in our pjs, I’m in shorts and hoodie, just been writing my journal….as always and always will be…one way, but if I’m honest it really does help, I’ve looked back on mine and I have made steps forward, so it can be done, but only when we are ready. Hope you have a peaceful day, xx
I’ve showered twice since she died and one of those times was for her funeral.
There’s no point.
I’m having ‘I hate the world day’ mostly instigated by the emotionless narcissist that is her dad
We left him 3 months before she was diagnosed, she just wanted to be home, he wouldn’t move out.
I hate how he is moving on already, he went away for 2 weeks to celebrate his birthday when he knew she was dying. He tells the world how sad he is, how he’s not coping but the reality is he doesn’t know how to grieve her loss because he never had her.
He doesn’t have the memories, the pain, the connections, every time I leave the house, everywhere I look, every smell, she surrounds me and I feel her weight in the grief I carry.
It hurts me like a truck hitting my chest, the agonising twist in my stomach, the silent scream in my throat, how can he not feel the pain that I feel? How can he not have loved her the way I loved her?
She deserves so much more.
@MJG my son sat with us so I couldn’t really say what I wanted, and i’m now feeling if i just sit there miserable no one will visit me, she’s the 1st person in 4 weeks.
My journal is still full of what I should have done and what could have been done if only he’d had the proper help
Hi, it doesn’t matter whether you shower or not, just do what you can when you can. Men have differing ways of dealing with things, maybe focus your energy on yourself. I don’t bother wasting my energy on people I can’t be bothered with. Remember minute by minute. I’m still trying to get a bit more focused since the inquest, it’s knocked my right back. Still writing my daily journal which I find helps, if you haven’t done one it maybe worth trying. Take care, keep messaging, we are all here for you xx
My journal sounds like yours, why, what if, how and a one way conversation but I really do find it helps. I guess in one way it was nice your son was with you when your sister visited but in another way you may of found talking to her on your own better. Do you have a good relationship with your sister ? If so maybe you can see her soon and talk. I hardly see anyone and like it that way. I find it odd that people who at the beginning of this hell journey just disappear. I need to remove some sweet peas out of my sons resting place later, that will make me cry. I bought some bulbs and winter pansies yesterday to go in there, I’m not ready to plant them yet, too me that will be to emotional. Minute by minute for us. Hope you have been able to feel up to a walk in last few days. Take care xx