I am sure my story is not a unique one, but somehow it seems more appropriate posting here to strangers just to get it out.
I am an only child and my parents were my stability, my strength, my constant. My dad began his decline with a rare condition and he suffered for eight years, my mum as his main carer, after retiring from nursing for 47 years. For those eight years I helped as much as I could, but I saw him go downhill and my mum’s heart with him.
Every day I expected a call to say the worst had happened, and when it did I still wasn’t prepared.
Then my mum began her decline, and last month she was cruelly taken, missed so many times by doctors.
I am now lost, trying to keep my mind occupied with organising. I am so scared to stop. I cry now and then, but when I reach the point where everything is done, I do not know how I will cope.
I honestly feel if I let myself fall, I wont be able to piece myself together again.
Apologies for such a long post.
I lost my husband this February suddenly but have no other close family left because my parents died a long time ago. I still remember how lost I felt after losing them. You can always write however you feel and of course, you can write a long post in this forum. Sending you lots of love and hugs.
I am also an only child…losing my Mum 3 years ago and my Dad 3 months ago. I kept myself busy organising the funeral etc., and afterwards people stopped checking in on me. It was as though I was expected to move on with life and feel ok! Have just started sorting out their home and I am finding it a comfort the majority of the time, but it can change quickly, flooring me emotionally and reducing me to tears. What keeps me going is knowing they are reunited. I am unsure what will happen, how I will feel or indeed if I will cope once the home is all sorted, but I am currently trying to take things as they come, not put myself under too much pressure and live in the moment because I feel overwhelmed trying to think too far ahead.
I am so sorry you have struggling and send you positive thoughts and strength for the times when things are harder.
This sounds so much like me, you are a couple of months further on. I am really scared and alone, and I have been really worried about people stopping the contact. I’m really sorry it is happening to you, but also glad to know someone else is feeling it.
People were great for a few weeks after my mum went, but they are slowly drifting off. I am not the best at making friends as it is.
I too find it a comfort knowing they are together.
I can only hope things get a bit easier for us. I am here if you need contact.
My mom passed away 2 years ago, I know what you mean about keeping busy with the funeral, & sorting out her things. Sometimes I would be ok keeping busy, & them Bam, I would see something that would remind me of something she did, said, or used to do, & I would slip into crying mode.
After the funeral, I don’t think of it as, expected to be ok, sadly I think of it as more, “left to get on with it,” loosing a parent is such a big change, I don’t think anyone expects us to be ok after that, but maybe they think of it more as “if we need anything we’ll call them”. The only way to find out if that theory works is to call people, talk to them, maybe invite a friend for coffee. Alternatively, look for appropriate social groups, maybe take up a hobby, like a yoga class or walking group. In the area where I live, online they have something called the well-being collage, they advertise free courses to help with people’s mental well-being, & you can always post on Sue Ryder, so you are not alone. Hope this helps.
I’m sorry for your losses and also find myself in the same situation. I lost my mum 11 years ago then my dad in December. The situation being made even worse by losing my partner 7 weeks after my dad.
I have always found being an only child lonely but having to clear the family home on your own is sole destroying. So many memories and no one to share them with.
I think you’re right @Cloudbusting about not putting too much pressure on ourselves. I just live thinking day to day. Anything else and the situation is too overwhelming.
Sending hugs to everyone. There is definitely comfort in knowing others are in similar situations to myself
I understand how you feel, I am also an only child and lost my mam 6 years ago and my dad five months ago. I was his carer for ten years and my world has fallen apart. I couldn’t grieve properly for my mam as I tried so hard to be strong for my dad. My husband is amazing but I feel such a burden as I adored my mam and dad and they were my life and I was theirs. I feel so sorry for eveyone going through the same situation as it is just horrible and I can’t see a way out. Just yesterday I was told you just have to get over and on with it which I know I have to but it doesn’t help. Hugs to everyone I just with no one had to feel the way I do.
Hi all im an only child too.Its hard lost my mum at 19 .Dad at 38My partner at 46 .Now ive just lost my dear partner of 17nyears 10 weeks ago.My daughter and granchildren live abroad .Im so tired and drained now feel so alone hope there are no more deaths unless its my own XX
I am so sorry you’re situation is much worse than mine, I know how you feel tired, alone and drained it takes all joy away from you. My mam and dad were let down badly by the hospital and the district nurse who was supposed to provide palliative care (a more cold unfeeling person I have yet to come across) so not only am I grieving I am also so angry with them. Sorry to unburden, take care of yourself. xxx
So sorry for all your going through .Im 71 now and i can assure you that little by little day by day it does get easier .We are all here for each other.love hope 5 xxx