On the 5th February my beautiful, kind and hilarious Mum passed away peacefully in her sleep. At 7:05 am I discovered her. She looked so beautiful and calm, an image that I’ve taken great comfort from. Mum had been unwell since Christmas and was diagnosed with a condition called temporal arteritis, she had been experiencing excruciating headaches and was started on high dose steroids. The week before she passed was probably the best week she’d had since Christmas, we saw the consultant at the hospital and he was pleased with how Mum was.
Mum had also seen her GP on the 10th January but despite seeing 2 Doctors neither of them could give a cause of death as Mums condition is not one you can die from therefore Mum has to have a post mortem which we are now waiting for. The reason how Mum passed is our only unanswered question, both Mum and my Sister had discussed all her wishes and I knew all her medical wishes. Mums wish was to be returned to Ireland to be with my Dad who died 36 years ago, it just feels like we’ll never get her home as time is passing so slowly The post mortem was scheduled on Monday but my Sister got a call from the Coroner’s office saying that it now be ‘probably’ done on Thursday.
I lived with Mum since I retired from living in Australia 15 years ago, we were more then Mother and Daughter. She was my best friend. The house is so still and quiet and I just don’t know how I’m going to live without her. I’ve had a major panic attack and was giving tablets from the GP. I’ve never had to do any of the responsible practicalities like paying bills etc. I’ve no idea if I’ll be able to afford to carry on living in Mums house. I’m so scared for the future and that more then what’s happened frightens me. I feel like the person I’ve always been has gone with my Mum and I don’t know who I am anymore. I feel selfish for feeling this. I don’t know how to live without her but I know I have too. Can anyone help me? I would love to hear any advice you can share. Thank you 
Hi clarey,
Your post grabbed my attention because the way you describe your mum is exactly how I describe mine. Hilarious, beautiful and kind. My mum also lived with us and was the epicentre of our home.
Every day I ask myself how I’m going to live without her and yet it will be 8 months on friday since she died suddenly, and I am doing just that.
My mum was 74 and apart from rheumatoid arthritis, she was in perfect health. She was taken ill on the 2nd june with a mini stroke. She still seemed the same and the hospital discharged her with high strength aspirin which they said she would need to take for a year. Out of nowhere my mum suffered a major brain haemorrhage 11 days later and never woke again.
I am probably still in shock now and feel that I had every right to have my mum for another 15 or 20 years.
As for advice, I will say…just take things hour by hour then day by day.
I am back to working full time and I’m running the home, paying the bills and looking after my 12 year old daughter.
However there is a massive mum shaped void in my life and her bedroom and living room in my house just sit empty.
Mum and I did everything together and if you had told me this time last year that mum would be gone in 4 months I would have said, you may as well take me too, because I wont survive without her.
Well it’s not easy but I am surviving. Not exactly living, merely existing but I’m getting there…and so will you.
Cheryl x
Hi Clarey, I think we all wish there was a fast forward button to get past the raw physical grief we all feel and the fear that life will never be happy again but it will be but not for a while. As you will find from this site we are all in similar situations, I lost my mum on 11/01/20 and I still can’t comprehend it. I keep going to ring her and realise that it’s pointless. However I am sure that you have many many great memories of your mum and they will come to you in between the grief and you will smile when you remember them. Just take each day at a time, each hour. When you need to reach out use this site, I have found that there are many understanding and lovely people on here helping each other. Saying things we maybe can’t say to friends or family as they are too close to it all . Stay strong for your mum I’m sure that’s what she would of wanted as she sounded like a strong lady herself. X