How do I survive without my beloved husband

I lost the love of my life suddenly on 2/22/20. He was my world. I do not remember the first 7 months. He was my world. I can’t think about life without him. How? This devastating feeling is horrible.

He loved Christmas, I called him Santa. I crashed today thinking I have to cook without him. He made the big Xmas Eve dinner and he loved it. I have my immediate family over but I don’t know how I will get through it. I am lost. I feel dead.

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me too. I am very sorry you had all this happen to you.

It sounds like you had a worse day than even we who lost our soulmates become accustomed to in these days that are all worse than before.

I today spent hours (in the wind and rain but it felt nice and fitting) sitting in the garden just thinking is this really real. WTF can I do. Hours later and no idea because there isn’t anything is there. My husband died in October. Out of desperation tried a counselling line yesterday but they didn’t help.

Confided in a friend via WhatsApp this evening all kinds of worries (life,car,house,money,ashes,family and more) and she said “its been a bad year for everyone, a lot of people didn’t have someone all year due to covid”

No one understands except for people on here.

I hope you can have a nice cup of tea or go to bed or something to just take care in whatever way you can after today’s crash. Having visitors coming is good and bad. Everything is horrible I agree. Sorry no advice but keep telling us more if you feel like it and have the energy.

Oops, lost my post!!! Sorry

Dear Fleur de Lys,
I feel for you. How can people be so insensitive as to tell us that everyone has had a bad year? No they haven’t. Some people (including my own family members) have not altered their lives at all. Others grumble about how desperate they are for a holiday and talk about making plans for the future.
I shall never make plans again. My life was my husband. As long as we had each other, nothing else mattered.
I struggled at Christmas but New Year is so much worse. 2021 cannot be better because 2020 still had my husband in it. I have those precious months when we were still dancing, deciding what to have for lunch, sitting in the shade reading or watching television. I turn my head to look at him to share a moment and see an empty chair.
All I can wish you and all of us, is that we find some relief from this aching burden of grief.

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Teddyfin321 and xradancerx
I’ve just read both of your posts How are you doing ? My husband died April 2020 with covid having underlying copd He had been ill for several years His illness began with lymphoma in 2017 and the treatment caused horrendous side effects both during and afterwards He had pneumonia several times sepsis blood clots and was in intensive care at one time He was on oxygen and a home ventilator for 2 years before he went into a nursing home in jan 2020 where he caught covid It has been a struggle trying to go on without him as we had been married for 43 years and he is such a miss My family live a distance away from me so I am on my own and of course the virus situation has made everything so much worse I try to go on best I can
I found writing things down helped me anything and everything just to get it all off my chest as I felt I had so much to say but no one to talk to I also have a lot of photos around the house and feel this helps me connect with him
Take care
ChristineM

I lost my husband 5 December I have lost the love off my life

I phoned for an ambulance on 4th November thinking my husband probably had a water infection. He had been out of sorts the day before and seemed confused and did orientated but refused to go to doctors. On the morning of 4th his temperature had spiked and he had developed a head to toe rash. Paramedics took him in and I was left behind. I phoned morning and evening and on 13th I was told they were moving him to another hospital as they thought he had a bleeding ulcer. On the 16th I was told he had a ruptured bowel. On 26th they phoned at 8am and suggested I came in, he died with me holding his hand.
3wks and he was gone.
Our children have been great but, because of the pandemic we cannot be together as we would wish to be.
I am , just about, dragging myself through each day praying that the pain will go away and that the cotton wool in my head will clear.

So very sorry to hear about your husbands illness what a nightmare for you to go through Thankfully you were with him at the end I wish I could have been with my husband when he died My son and I were only with him a few hours and when it was found he had covid we had to leave him to die on his own nearly 24 hours later It’s 8 months since my husband died and it’s a long lonely journey I know it’s different for everyone but you just have to go with the flow and not bottle your feelings up Cry and let your feelings out as I do every day
Take care ChristineM

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Debbie 55
I’m so very sorry about your loss
Can you tell us more about your story ?
ChristineM

My husband had a traumatic head injury on the 5th december, died on the 19th.He was only 52. We have two beautiful daughters 23 and 21.Just so sad it actually hurts.we met at 18 nd 19,th.

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My husband was taken into hospital 24 November,he was taken to intensive care put in a coma and on a ventilator we had nearly 2 weeks off talking to him in a coma,the hospital FaceTime us everyday ,had a phone call 11 o’clock in the morning to say come to the hospital,when I got there they said all his organs had failed and I need to say goodbye to him ,I remember screaming at him saying don’t leave me,our 2 sons where there 19 year old and 30 it was heartbreaking we never said goodbye we all said to we meet again every day since December the 5 when he passed ,I don’t want to be here the pain gets worse everyday .

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The pain losing a husband is unbearable,we were soulmates never did anything without each other ,my husband died off Covid .

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It’s heartbreaking not to get to say goodbye to your husband Debbie I do so feel for you I had to leave my husband to die on his own as he had covid aswell He was unconscious when I saw him and he never woke up so I didn’t get to say goodbye It’s one of my biggest regrets but Debbie we couldn’t do anything about that as the choice had been taken away from us I feel your pain Debbie please be kind to yourself and take one day at a time little steps I hope your family are able to give you their love and support please keep in touch and take care
ChristineM xx

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Hi
I lost my husband in September in a road traffic accident. He left the house early morning and never returned. We had everything to look forward to, especially our new little grandson who my husband adored. We were married for over 38 years and together for 42.

Christmas was just horrendous without him. We had made big plans to make it a huge celebration for our little grand child. I tried to do my best but most of the time came out of shops empty handed.

Some family and friends have told me to try and look forward but I can only take one day at a time. There is no looking beyond one day at a time. All our plans and dreams will not be fulfilled and I am totally lost without him - like yourself my husband was my life.

Grief is all consuming. I hardly sleep and when I do often wake and call out his name. Our grandson is my only respite but the reality is my children cannot be there for me all the time.

Dear Sheila,
How I feel for you and I truly understand that you cannot look forward at the moment.
For now, you are in a state of shock and disbelief. Looking ahead is unthinkable. The burden of being alone, seeing to paperwork and various institutions as well as trying to cope with the day to day running of the house, alone, leaves you little time to look after your own feelings.
To have a grandchild is a blessing to give you comfort in time but now you are finding your way through the minefield of your grief.
Well-meaning people say you are not alone, that there are thousands of us suffering in the same way. Ignore them. Each of us is hurting uniquely. How is it supposed to be a comfort to think about such a multiplication of suffering?
Perhaps there is encouragement for you in knowing that this site is a safe place where you can pour out your grief and people will understand.
We are all here because we are finding our lives unbearable and yet we must go on. There is strength and support here.
God bless you.

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Morning sorry I should off said me and my sons were able to hold Andrew hand as he passed away ,it will stay in my head for the rest off my days,some days I can’t face getting out off bed ,pain is unbearable,been with my husband since I was 14 married at 18 we had 41 years together he was 57 when he passed away

Hi Debbie that must be comforting to have been withyour husband and to hold his hand I couldn’t be with Richard He was shut away in a room on his own and died entirely on his own You’ll have lots of happy memories I found it helped me to write down these memories how I m feeling anything and everything because there was so much I wanted to say about him but no one to say it all to It is very lonely and heartbreaking to lose your husband after a lifetime together and I just try to get through each day the best I can Knowing that everyone here is going through their own grief and can relate to you I find comforting take care Debbie
Christine

Thank you. I have read several of the posts. Only those in similar positions can understand our grief and loss and therefore am grateful for this site. Although friends and even family try to be supportive they do not understand how unbearable it is. Some - fortunately a small number - have not spent the time to reflect before making what I can only describe as insensitive comments. Behind closed doors I cry and scream I just want my husband back but know that this is not possible. Covid has delayed the inquest, I do not have a date - this hangs over me like a black cloud. Even then I think some will think it will be time to move on. We would have been married 39 years in March. We were together from aged 18. We had faced a difficult four years due to job loss and having to sell the family home - we had just got ourselves back on our feet and were looking forward. Now that is all gone. I am grateful for your understanding. Take care.

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I hate people asking me are you ok really no I am not my heart broke my head doesn’t work can’t sleep and drinking to much

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It’s difficult when people ask if you are okay. The actual answer is no, I want someone to hold my hand, I want someone to hug, I desperately need my wife back. Instead I take the cowards approach and say I’m fine. If nothing else it makes the person who asked the question feel better

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