How do you cope?

I lost my husband 12 weeks ago after 43 years of marriage. He had just retired and we were looking forward to relaxing and holidays for the future, then along came his diagnosis of Cancer. It was a living nightmare for us both with treatments, pain, doctors, COVID and all of the other emotions and things that go with it. But, he fought so hard and I was with him till the end. I know I am lucky to have had such a wonderful happy marriage for 43 years but, the pain at times is unbearable and the loneliness is awful. I have gone back to work, just trying to exist. I have found this site, where I hope I can chat or release some of the unbearable emotions that are inside of me.

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It’s good that you have found this site. Not perhaps the place you thought you 'd be , but we are all here for similar reasons, so please stick around, chat, scream, blast or whatever pleases you. I’ve only been here for about a week, but real people, real problems, real hurt and hearing that others have found or are at this moment finding ways through the mess of having a life tipped upside down does help, a bit. I’ve found out - well, no, I have had confirmed - by the responses I have read, that, hard as it is, there is no one size fits all answer to what you’re feeling. There is also real truth in the idea that things must be taken at your own pace. The one BIG thing that being here has shown me is that you grieve at your own speed. In fact, it has almost given me permission to allow myself to do that, if that makes sense. So,if going back to work helps you, it’s right for you. And that applies to everything else you do. Don’t forget that is you feel you are getting into difficulty there is access to help here too - I think as with all else there is a waiting list, but before you get there, there will be help and support here. Welcome.

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Hi Sue, I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my wonderful husband just 14 weeks ago and don’t know how to live the rest of my life without him after 47 years together. We worked long after retirement age as Mike was always so fit and full of life. In October last year we decided to retire so this year was to be a year just for us. Then lockdown kicked in. He was ill suddenly with an undiagnosed heart problem and died within 5 weeks. I am still in shock and have no family here to support me and I have no means of transport so life is very lonely. If you want to private message me I’d be happy to hear from you.

I lost my partner 12 wks ago on monday he was 42 im 36 we have a nearly 12 year old and at the moment i really am struggling im back to work and hour a day often find myseld breaking down at home im not eating through the day im hust hurting so much how he left us im scared for the future ppl say oh your young enough to find someone else i dont want anyone else i still want him despite everything i felt he owed it to me and our daughter to get better but he just couldnt its so hard isnt it x

Hi
It is the hardest thing we will ever do. People don’t seem to understand we don’t want anyone else, and the pain can be unbearable. I am sorry for your loss, he was so young. I fully understand what you are saying, my husband fought hard to stay and didn’t want to leave. It is a scary world out there. The nights are the worst for me. x

I know sadly it was liver disease (alcohol) so its been tough and i didnt know the full extent as he hid it well so hurt and angry he left this way and didnt get help sooner i dont like mornings and nights not easy i just try and take each day as it comes and try and go with it x

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