How do you cope?

Recently my grandma unfortunately passed away very suddenly. I never got to say goodbye to her or tell her how much I love her. It’s been just under 2 months and I’m still feeling really sad. I’m very fragile, even in day to day conversations the mention of something to do with death, grandparents or anything that reminds me of my grandma causes me to become upset. My studies are unfortunately being effected, I find it harder to focus in class and when at home just feel to sad to do it. In school the teacher said something to do with an animal and the death of it and my grandma just popped into my head and I had to excuse myself and ended up being in the toilets for most of the lesson until I went off with a nurse because I was so upset. My friends and I don’t really talk about my grandma as they know i’ll get upset. I find it really hard to have lost someone so close to me, someone I’d message every day and talk too , to suddenly go back to normal like nothing has happened. I’ve also noticed my appetite has increased drastically and I always seem to want fast food which makes me feel good when I’m eating it but then bad when I’ve realised how much I’ve eaten. My grandma is a person who I have always been close too and will keep her in my heart, but I feel so sad about her and if she was scared. In her last moments I just wish I was there to hold her hand and tell her I love her. I just really hope she wasn’t scared and that’s shes at peace and pain free. I know my grandma wouldn’t want me to feel sad, but I miss her so much and worry about where she is now. The fact that she was young doesn’t bring me comfort as i feel I have been robbed, I also feel I took her for granted thinking she’d be here for many more years and not really treasuring the moments I had with her. But the fact that I know she loves me and I love her brings me some comfort. If anyone has any advice on how to deal with any of the problems I am facing I’d really appreciate it, as I don’t really know who to turn to as I don’t want to upset my mum about my problems as she has to deal with losing her mum. Thank you.

Hi Melody_sunshine,

I’m so sorry to hear that your grandma recently passed away. It’s really difficult to lose a loved one suddenly and what you’re going through is completely understandable - many people in this community have had similar experiences of sudden loss.

The most important thing is to make sure you’re looking after yourself, being kind to yourself, and moving through your grief at a pace that works for you. It can be difficult sometimes for people who have not experienced a loss to understand what you’re dealing with. Your friends may not know what to say, but it does sound like they’re trying their best not to upset you. Perhaps you could say to a close friend that you’d like to talk about your grandma for a bit, just to share how you’re feeling. Do you think that might help?

We have some information on our advice pages about coping with grief. There’s a few suggestions on this page that you might find helpful.

It sounds like you and your grandma were very close and had a lovely relationship, which is truly something to treasure.

Keep in touch here and let us know how you are.

Take care,
Eleanor
Online Community Manager

I have just joined this group and read your post. 4 more months have past I am curious as to how you are doing…
My grandmother has died as well I lived out of state and didn’t get to say good bye…I am really struggling myself.

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