Six weeks of grief and a lot lot more to go . My kids are both supporting me but in different ways and neither of them appear to understand how the other is being supportive. My daughter is helping to sort the house out and make slight changes . My son is helping by sorting my husbands workshop and garage out . My daughter thinks my son is only coming to the house to sell her dads things to make money ( he hasn’t sold anything ) . When I try to tell her he hasn’t sold anything she just says yeah well you will stick up for him you always have done ( this is what my husband used to say whenever he and my son had a disagreement) . I just don’t need this falling out every week end things are still far too raw . Iv told them it’s too upsetting and hurtful .
Maybe you should set some firm boundaries with them both like telling them that you are not prepared to listen to them bitching about and squabbling with each other. You will have to enforce the boundary consistently.
It is easy enough to say,
“I am not prepared to listen to this” to make your point clear but you may have to take firmer action if they persist. Maybe a simple thing is to have them come to help at different times and never when the other is present. Remember that you can choose what you listen to. You can walk away, put the phone down or tell them to leave.
When a member of a family dies the family dynamics change because you are all grieving and expressing grief as individuals, not as a family. Grief is individual and therefore expressed individually. Sometimes we need some space and distance to enable us to try and function and to come to terms with our emotions so as they don’t impact others. I hope you can all give each some space to work through this