How do you go on

Losing a partner
#1

I lost my husband 3 weeks ago, it was so sudden… brain haemorrhage.
One minute we were talking about holidays and 4 hours later he was gone.
I feel so sad and scared to go on … we’ve been together for 36 years since I was 16.
We didn’t have children it was just us two.

I never thought anything could hurt this much.
Everyone keeps saying I’m doing so well, I’m strong but actually I want to scream no I’m not, I feel like I’m in a bubble and someone needs to burst it and everything will get back to normal… then I realise it will never be normal again… I don’t no if I can get through this

1 Like
#2

Very sorry to hear of your husbands sudden loss. You are hurting a lot as we all are on here. You will go through so many different emotions in the next few months. We all have to try and stay as strong as we can to help us through this awful time in our lives. We all know that everything isn’t fine and no nothing will ever be the same again without the man you loved at your side. It may take months and it may take years but they do say this is light at the end of the tunnel sometime. Take some comfort knowing you’re not on your own, although it may feel like it, but we on here all know how hard it is and what your going through. Take care. xxx

#3

Dear Fitz
My heart breaks for you
It is a year today since my husband died in ITU having suffered a sudden cardiac arrest at home with me three days previously from which he never regained consciousness.
He was 60 and I was 58 and we had been together 42 years since I was 16 like you
One minute we were talking about the day ahead the next he was collapsed and fighting for his life
The shock is tremendous
Even now when I think I am never going to see him again it’s like your heart feels like it’s being pierced by a knife . It sounds dramatic to say that I know …but it’s how I feel on numerous occasions throughout each and every day
Having said that , you will survive
Take each day , each hour as it comes
You will get through it
Do anything that helps
I have had bereavement counselling once a month since last November and it has helped
I have hugged a tree , kissed the cuff of my husband’s shirt every morning and night , find comfort in birds and write stuff to myself to get it out of my head . Reading what I’ve just written makes me feel like I sound crazy but just do whatever gives you the slightest bit of comfort
The bond I have with my husband now is as strong as ever …maybe even stronger than ever
Do it for your husband . Keep your chin up and keep going . Everyone on here will help you . We all understand how devastating loss is and I understand totally how shocking sudden loss is
Sending you hugs and understanding
With love from Romy xxxxx

#4

I’m so sorry for your loss, it’s just dreadful isn’t it. It’s 9 weeks today since my wonderful husband of 38 years passed after a year of suffering with cancer. I know exactly what you mean by the bubble, I felt the numbness was cushioning me from hurting too much and allowing me to appear strong. I’ve become very angry now and instead of saying ‘thank you’ when I’m told I’m strong or doing well I just want to scream that I’m just pretending and they have no idea… which is true, no one does unless they’ve been here.
You will find so much genuine support on this site because we all live with the same nightmare, so everyone understands. It doesn’t take the pain away but it does help with the grief.
Don’t worry about being strong let it out. X

#5

Thank you so much… people say it’s easier for them to go suddenly but so much harder for the ones they leave behind… it’s a great comfort to hear from others who have gone through this terrible time x

#6

Hi. Fitz. Oh my goodness! 3 weeks! Much too early for anyone to think about doing well. Yes, but they have no idea of the pain. How could they unless they have been there. It’s the worst mental pain a human can suffer.
We do go on. Somehow we struggle on. It’s too soon for me to talk about hope. It will seem meaningless to you. But after 10 months I have found some ease. Slowly almost imperceptibly it comes.
I ask what my wife would have wanted. Not me being upset and miserable that’s for sure. Please keep posting and especially if you feel low. It’s all ups and downs this grief. There will be better days and not so better days. Give yourself time and some love. He’s not that far away you know.
You may find some peace on here that may burst your bubble. Nothing can ever be normal again for any of us, but we can only pull together and help each other.
Bless you. Take care. If I may a hug!

#7

Dear Fitz

When people go so suddenly we are left dealing with shock …as well as grief

It’s a double whammy especially when life was so normal right up to that point …happy and full of plans

I still find it difficult to get my head around how someone can be so full of life one minute and fighting for their life the next

My father died of cancer and had it three times over a twenty year period before he died at the age of 77 years
The contrast between his death and my husband’s couldn’t be more stark

I may be being selfish because people say it’s easier for the person themselves when they die suddenly …but I’m sure my husband would have preferred to have lived with cancer like my Dad did , for another 17 years , being with us and doing stuff with us than his life being snuffed out in an instant , like a candle

It’s a hard thing to get your head around . It will never make sense . Life can be wonderful but totally shocking too

It is hard work and takes time to learn to live with shock and loss . You will do it though . You will find a way . Your own way

Sending much love
Romy xxxxx

#8

morning Romy, hope you are as ok as you can be, it’s been a long 12 months for you, I was dreading Alan’s anniversary, I got through it as best I could, actually turned out better than I could have imagined, truly hope this was the same for you on Mike’s anniversary, yet another difficult time and a huge milestone.

these past 2 months since Alan’s anniversary have been roller coasters in many ways.

We’ve come through so much heartache, grief and sheer exhaustion since losing our loving husbands I often wonder where we all got our strength to do so and to keep going so.

truly hope you’re looking after yourself
blessings brave lady
jen☆

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