How do you grieve?

Hi, I lost my dad suddenly last July, he was 75, and my hero
I was totally unprepared for this shock, even as the doctors are telling my mom there’s nothing they could do (heart attack) , I thought they were lying! My dad said he’d never leave us? Always said he’d live forever, and even at 48 I believed him.
I cry, I cry at his pics, and when I hear his favourite song,
But it’s still not feeling real?
Moms coped amazingly, I take her shopping, and lunches,
But I still think when I go to their house, he’s just popped out?!
2 days before he passed I fell in a shop…suffered whiplash & concussion symptoms, so have been off work ever since, I get really bad anger outbursts & constant headaches which gp is convinced is connected to my fall?
How do you grieve?? There’s no instruction manual for it?

@Louisek239 so sorry for your terrible loss. We all grieve in our own way. The only constant is pain both physical and emotional. You say your mum is coping well but she may be masking to help you. I did at first for my children who are grown up. Partner grief can be much worse than losing a parent. I lost my mother 3 years ago and my wife 12 weeks. Try and get your mum to open up. It will help you both. Love and support.


Thank you, we do talk about dad, laugh & cry about him,
Two of brothers still live with her so she has constant company which helps

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Hi Louise,

First of all well done for reaching out. I haven’t commented much but read plenty, however I felt a short response to perhaps, possibly or hopefully help you a little. Since losing my wife in Nov 2021 to Cancer I have found some days to be what I’ve sometimes called “numb days”…days when you simply find it hard to believe she has gone! And boy do I miss her and always will for sure.

I found talking about my wife has helped. I often refer to how things were, which teared me up at first, but now I often find the humour of the fun moments we had help. Don’t be frightened to talk about your Dad…your message says that you had a great relationship with your Dad, and that doesn’t have to stop…in your heart and mind. Relive happy moments and some of the not so happy (we all have em!) because that will remind you perhaps of times when he helped you. Your memories live on and time has a way of embellishing those memories to really sustain you when you miss him most!

Another bit of help, again that seems to be helping me, is to not avoid those inevitable “firsts”…there will be plenty ahead. Don’t seek them out as if to tackle as many as possible, as that will wear you out, but tackle each one as they arise. Some will not be easy, they may have to wait for another day, but some will bring you joy and make you smile as you recall the “time”. Each time you face the first moments you make yourself stronger…a little at a time and one day a lot as you realise that you coped. Some of course will bring heartache and tears…but let them flow! Tears of grief are natures way of getting the grief out…and it needs to come out, holding it in is not a good thing to do.

Hope this has helped, do take care of yourself. Wrap yourself with the memories…your Dad would have wanted you to laugh again and most of all live again…for Him and the Memories you had together.

Take Care



@Louisek239 may you and your mum always be surrounded in love and support, thank you for sharing, I’m still learning to cope with loosing my dad last month. I’m learning not to judge how I’m feeling even if I can’t put it into words for others or even myself to understand. I’m learning to let my tears flow & even just to make time to laugh even if it means putting on a movie and switching off from my emotions for awhile. I remember that im only human and that I am learning to appreciate my highs and lows as they are both teaching me things about myself. A good friend reminded me that we must all ways grow through whatever we go through

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Thank you for sharing, your words are very uplifting.


H i @Mark2605 . What a great post. You’ve summed up perfectly the best journey through grief, and described how to get through it.
Face the challenging days (and yes, we all have 'em) with an open mind and heart, and I found they were never anyway nearly as bad as I feared as I had more happy memories than bad.