I thought I was doing OK. Throwing myself into arranging my little sisters funeral. Sorting her house out. Looking after my Mum and Dad but I’m scared to stop. When I stop, it hurts. I miss her so much it hurts
Oh @Bigsister1 - you are so early on in grief. You are in the thick of those early days, arrangements to be made, things to sort out, overwhelming sadness, exhaustion. I am sending you loads of love. Your friends here at Sue Ryder have stood where you are standing and we are here for you. The hurt you feel is part of the love you shared, my friend. The hurt is there because you loved your little sister so much. I know what you mean about being scared to stop, because that is when the pain hits. But going with it could help. I lost my husband T in January this year. Thrown into admin, arrangements, sorting his business out, so I was, like you, so busy, busy, busy. Hanging over my head the whole time was here, our place in France where I am now. We were last here together in September 2020, before he was ill. This place untouched by the suffering and the sickness. So I dreaded coming here, I dodged it until I could dodge it no more. So I stopped. I came here. And you know what - while it hasn’t been easy it has actually been a relief to face into my fears and feel the loss and sadness. In doing that, I have oddly become stronger. Give yourself time, my friend, to stop, to remember her, to cherish her, to talk to her. The love you had for her and she for you, will never end.
Hello Bigsister1, So sorry for your loss. I lost my younger Sister too, and the void is like a huge hole in the pit of my stomach. I also had the painful task of sorting out her house. You are so right that we" miss them so much that it hurts." I no longer have my parents, but can say I am thankful they are in a place where they do not have to endure this torment. They would not survive the death of their youngest daughter. You are early on in your grief journey, and must take things slowly and take care of yourself. Please let us know how you are faring. We on this site share in our sadness, and it does help to know we are not alone. Take care Xxx Another Sad Sister
Thank you so much both of you for your amazing words. It feels like I’m carrying something heavy with me all the time. I guess that’s grief. I’m hoping things will start to heal after the funeral but being able to share with people who understand really does help.
Hi there, I have my sisters funeral on Friday. She specifically asked me to read a message to everyone from her. I want to be brave and get through it but what if I can’t? I just wish the day was over.
Hello my friend,
My advice is to try this. Before the funeral, read the message from her over and over and over again. Cry it out. Read it again, cry again. This is what I did when I was preparing to read the eulogy to my beloved husband. I wanted, as you do too, to read what matters. Her message matters to her, and I think you can do this. If at the time, you just can’t, that is ok. The celebrant or someone you choose to step in, can take over. Good luck, @Bigsister1 - you have got this and whatever happens, she loves you and you love her xx
Hi Bigsister1, No matter how hard it is, no matter how many times you must choke back the sobs, no matter how many times your heart gets stuck in your throat, you will be expressing your love for her with every word. I stumbled through my tribute to my beloved Sister at her service. At any moment I felt I would dissolve into sobs. At times I paused, thinking nothing I planned to say could ever properly convey the depth of my love for her and who she was. Then I recited a prayer I specially chose, that brought me back to a conversation she & I had about death & dying. she had said she had no fear, and that brought me a momentary sense of calm. I was saying that prayer for her. Remember that just the act of trying to read your sister’s message, even if it proves too much for you, is a testament to your love. Regardless of how it turns out, never doubt that you are very brave. Wishing you hope & strength. XxxSister2
My daughter pre recorded her eulogy about her dad, and it was played on a screen during the service. She knew she wouldn’t be able to do it on the day. It’s a shame you were not offered this by the funeral home.
But I have every confidence you will be ok, deep breaths and go for it. It going to be very emotional, and Vancouver is right if you can’t carry on the someone will take over for you. Your sister loves you regardless. Thinking of you tomorrow.
@Bigsister1- hold tight, hold on, you have got this, my friend. Thinking of you today and know that she loves you, is proud of you and always will be with you as you go. x
I can’t tell you how much all your kind words of support helped me through today. I was able to get through the reading! Yay. I’m just so happy I could DM it for her but really felt she helped me through it. She was definitely the stronger of the two of us. Everything went as she would have wanted. Thank you so much for your kindness and advice. It made all the difference xx