How can I one minute be sobbing, and the next laughing at some funny comment my son in law has just put on the family WhatsApps group. Then three friends debating on Facebook about slugs and marigolds.
This grief journey is certainly a rollacoaster. 
5 Likes
Hi Debbie, you are very correct in what you say and are feeling. There’s no telling from one minute to the next feeling please even proud and then the eyes water and that’s the end for now.
My husband used to use the ‘fickle’, general regarding our sons doing something he didn’t like or was wasting something and also ‘easy come, easy go’. Take care of yourself. S xx
1 Like
I have noticed that I get a couple of hours where I feel happy and then suddenly I feel totally lost and am sobbing. People have said that as time passes the happy times will become longer and more frequent. I hope so x
4 Likes
I’m 69 and I lost my wife a couple of months back . I’m really struggling to cope with life and I often feel I want to be with her in the afterlife and not here . I cry all the time and I just miss her so much . The loneliness is destroying me Having no one to talk to I sit on my own in the evenings and I just don’t want to be alive anymore . I’m really at the bottom and I don’t know where to go .
4 Likes
Achilles, you are not alone and yes one day you will join your beautiful life. It is something we all struggle with but you are never alone. I have always thought it’s to test me and see if am fit to join my soulmate because there doesn’t seem any sensible reason why I am still here but while I am I shall try and do my best. I don’t know if this will help you but you can have some kind of life, no not the one you both thought you would have but a different one and it’s up to you to decide what you do. When we are low we are very vulnerable so please take extra care of yourself. We are always here for you. S xx
1 Like
@Achilles1783, so sorry for your loss it’s very early for you and you are still in alot of emotional pain.
I’ve felt like you do now many times over the past year, but then I think of our children and grandchildren. They have just lost dad/grandad and I can’t do that to them, they would be devastated to lose me too so soon.
Do you have family you can talk to? I find playing music helps with the loneliness in the evenings, the house does not seem so quiet. I can’t concentrate for any length of time anymore and your mind wanders, this is why I like music.
Please keep reaching out and take care.
Debbie X
1 Like
Hi . Yes I’ve been teaching myself guitar for last couple of years and that helps . I find when I’m busy doing things and not thinking about my wife I’m sort of ok but it’s the evenings when I sit down alone with a meal or my guitar and I feel just so alone and a just cry . Family are a long way away and I get some support from one of my two sons but in truth I’m struggling alone here . I’ve come very close to ending my own life but I do realise that is a very selfish thing to do and would hurt family so I step back . Music does help
1 Like
Just keep talking on here to us all
Debbie X
1 Like
@Debbie57 it’s a gut wrenching feeling isn’t it? 
I’ve found myself laughing at parts of a programme or scrolling through Instagram but then immediately shake my head trying to get rid of that “happy” moment because how dare I be happy when Dad’s no longer with me, I feel instant guilt and like it’s some sort of betrayal. But I know Dad would want me to find those happy moments again, as would your loved one and everyone else’s. It doesn’t take away our pain one bit, but I guess it’s life’s way of letting us know it’s going to be okay and that life’s too short so we’ve got to grab every moment we can despite the difficulty. Sending you lots of love
1 Like
I feel like crying a tsunami of tears. I’ve been holding back for days trying to cope and pretending I’m okay. I’m not x
1 Like
It’s easier to cry at times because nothing else can express the sadness and loss.
It is the guilt you feel, if you laugh out loud to something amusing. But our loved ones would want us to laugh.
My family make me laugh all the time, my son in law can be so naughty but they keep me sane and I love them all dearly for it.
I’ve learnt not to feel guilty for moving from one emotion to another, Doug knows I still love him and haven’t forgotten him just because I’m laughing again.
@Nel, thinking of you, I’ve just had a few bad days when the tears did not stop, take one day at a time.
Take care, Debbie X X
Every day that sinking feeling is there after losing hubby after 42 broke me some days better them others coming up year now and it’s tough I know life has to go on people say it a lot does not help that feeling when you get home the home feels empty without him
1 Like
It’s been just over the year for me, this week I seem to have gone back to last year when Doug first died.
It is a fact that the people who say life moves on, haven’t lost a partner. God forbid until they do they don’t have any idea what it is like.
Getting home from work to an empty house is lonely, and I don’t think it is something any of us would get used to. 
A friend said it’s ok to cry a lot as crying is because of grief and grief is simply pure love that has nowhere to go . I thought that very true and it helps put it in perspective for me
2 Likes
So true, I have done alot of that lately
Me too xxxx
1 Like
I’m there with you hubby year anniversary just be and gone the feeling of loss is still massive as the day he left you spend 42 years with a man don’t know how to make things work the brain not there trying so hard to find a balance
1 Like
So true Shirley x
I’m been in that position absolutely on the floor some days every bit of me fights to carry on our daughters said to me last night so proud of you mum but there not in the same area as myself miles away it’s hard my morning are get up dress up show up what happened when I get back home I can’t cope with I have my meltdown and get back up again I don’t want to tell people as there are people a lot worse off them me it’s very lonely losing hubby took me and still does to a very dark place that nothing can fill took me to my knees and being a strong woman I found it hard I know he wanted me to go on I have him back in a heartbeat but also know that never possible
1 Like