I’m been on this forum now for 14 months and everyone seems to have been bereaved more recently. I don’t know if I’m out stayed my welcome or if I’m helping anyone anymore . It’s hard to know when to call it a day.
Hi, I’m 3.5 years on & im still here, I reply to posts now & again & I still get comfort from replies to other posts, everyone is different but I find it still helps me.
It’s strange but I’ve been thinking exactly the same recently and I’m so pleased you started this thread. For me it’s been 16 months and yet it seems like yesterday that I lost Ian.
So many on here are recently bereaved and yet I still feel the same as they do.,So much for me moving forward, I’m obviously stationary or going backwards….
I’m trying to build a new life but its so difficult and tiring and I’m not sure I want it anymore. In fact, I know I don’t!
I just miss Ian and the life we had together so much that everything I do, just gets me through another day.
I do read a lot of the posts but feel I have little to offer now that would be helpful to the newly bereaved.
I’m 11 months in…although I was probably a late comer to the forum. It’s sad to say, but the reality is that there will be a never ending stream of those joining the forum as they start down their grieving road.
I think you should do what feels right for you. It might be that some posts resonate more with you than others. You & I are further down the line and perhaps in a slightly different place to those experiencing the raw emotions of new loss. It doesn’t mean to say it’s any better for us, it’s just different.
If I am honest, I can sometimes find it difficult to read someone’s newly bereaved post as it takes me back to my own upsetting experience…so I have to stop reading. It can vary from day to day for me as to what I am able to cope with.
As I say though, I think you need to do what feels right for you…you will know in your heart when the time is right to either take a break, slow down or leave for the time being.
I hope that helps…a bit. You take care. x
I lost my husband 19 months ago and it’s still like yesterday even though it’s not. This forum has been a wonderful comfort if nothing else just to know I am NOT alone in the seemingly crazy things I have done, the things I think and the overall fear and anxiety I have felt since he died so suddenly.
I read a post last night by Ann under the topic
“Partner passed away” -
It’s worth reading,
There’s a line saying contentment of sorts which I can relate to - along with making a more conscious effort.
I’m maybe more accepting, further down the road, call it whatever you like but recently I’ve been asking myself the same thing.
I’ve been wondering that too, I often read posts, occasionally like, but don’t reply much these days.
The only thread I reply on regularly is “creating a shrine thread” I’ve got to know them really well and it’s become more like friends chatting.
Stay on as long as it helps you and you help others. Our newcomers are looking for answers and find friends in the same position and friends further down the line. This forum helps and then if you want to private chat you can do. I’ll stay on here for as long as I need to xx
I lost my partner a year ago last month. I didn’t discover this site until she’d been gone a month or so. Lately it seems to me that some of the contributers have lost their loved ones very recently and also they seem to be so young. On occasion because I’ve had to go through it I’ve carefully offered practical advice to questions asked but mostly I post for my own comfort. My thoughts, my pain and my sadness, none of which ever leaves me. I know on here I’m talking to people that totally understand because there’s nothing, grief wise, that compares to losing your partner and I know that I’ll get a kind word and that will comfort me.
Hi misprint and everyone else. I only joined this site in September and it was coming up to 3years since I’d lost my wonderful husband and I was really struggling. Most friends and family seem to think your okay and fixed. Likewise if someone asked I didn’t want to sound miserable and put a dampner on a friendly get together. But I was bursting with pain and felt so low. So I joined here. It has helped to read post from new members and longer members who have the same feelings. Confirmed I’m not going crazy and my feelings are normal. So you lovely people who have been bereaved for a while please don’t leave. I need you x
Thanku strictlyp I wasn’t sure if I could bring any thing new but reading your post has made me rethink maybe I’m helping someone and can bring wise words to newly bereaved
You stay as long as you need. Some of us have been on here a few years and we have left but we come back. We come back because we feel we might be able to reach out to the new members and offer them some help. We have travelled the road they now have to go down.
I have read what Sheila (lonely) has had to say and she is so right and every word I can connect with. I am also managing to obtain some enjoyment from talking about my husband and remembering those good times. I am not going to say those bad days don’t come but we learn how to cope with them.
Do you have any tips on anxiety as I am drowning with it x
Many years ago I did a mindful awareness course and since the loss of my husband in Nov 2021 I have found myself drawing on its main premise which I have found invaluable over the last year.
Basically, try & focus 100% (or as best you can) on what you are doing at any given time as it helps to stop your thoughts flying all over the place. Whether you are washing this dishes, brushing your teeth or out for a walk…take your time & really concentrate on your senses & what you are experiencing at that exact moment.
I don’t act mindfully all the time as we easily slip into ‘automatic’ mode, but even little acts like those mentioned above help to provide some relief from a whirling head during the day.
I know there are various mindful awareness apps that include short meditations it might be worth investigating.
I’m conscious this is not for everyone and some may find it a bit whacky, but it has helped me over the years, & particularly since my loss.
Also, I tend to break larger tasks down into smaller more manageable chunks to which I try & apply the mindful technique. This can make the over big task slighty less daunting.
I hope that may help you a little with your anxiety. Take care x
Thank you for your kindness x
Sorry Nel, I should have said where possible I also avoid anything that is going to make me anxious or stressed or to limit situations as best I can.
I was finding new tv programmes hard to watch as you never know what the story line is going to be (i.e. it might involve illness or hospitals) or there are too many scenes of ‘extended peril’, so I have 78 episodes of a particular BBC light crime drama set in paradise (if you get my drift) that I worked through …& now I am starting them again. I saw on the forum the other day people talking about their unhinged moments…I think this is probably mine…but I guess it’s all to do with safety & self preservation. Documentaries are my other go to as they are a pretty safe option.
It’s rubbish we all find ourselves here, but you look after yourself, sending hugs. x
I do the same. Between 6 and 8 each evening I watch Heartbeat. When it finished they started it again from the beginning. It feels comforting to know that at that time I know what I will be doing. Its a friendly programme. I only ever watch nice family programmes these days. Darling buds of May. Call the midwife. And so on. I stopped watching the news as I couldn’t cope with all the negativity. Life seems so different and I have found the anxiety to be the worst thing to deal with. I will try the mindfulness. Xx
I’m with you on the family programmes… I still mostly watch the news, but goodness knows why.
Do try the mindfulness, even in little blocks it might help. It can take a little while to achieve sometimes as your thought processes want to keep interrupting you, so be kind to yourself & take your time…don’t beat yourself up if it does work straight away.
Take care xx
I can’t watch news (too depressing) or drama (anything with death/hospitals). Mostly watch sport or quizzes now. I used to love watching comedy especially but I can’t laugh at anything now
I am with you 100%. I also watch heartbeat every evening. Must have watched it 3 or 4 times over during the last few yeas but particularly like it even more now. Love Darling Buds of May also, Easy watching. I also found a series on Netflix that became my comfort blanket in the early days. I watched it three time through every series.
I can’t be bothered with new programmes and even the soaps are boring me with so much violence. I never watch the news now either.
I agree also with Barncat as I have used mindfullness/meditation often. I find walking helps me and after a while I can feel the tension leaving me. I love the countryside and now listen to the bird songs. How many of us actually listen to them. They have now discovered that Birds singing can help with moods. I could have told them that.!!!
I also do yoga/dance exercises and for me gardening has also proven to be a good stress buster. But above all else my dogs have helped to pull me through the worst moments.