Hi, just wondering how long is it before you remove clothes etc of of your loved one after their death. I am only four months past my loving wife’s death. I at present am not even thinking about it, I have even thought it can stay there forever.
Hi ten months since my hubby died . I still have all his things as he left them . Work coat at back door . Trainers on bedroom floor . Clothes in wardrobe . I feel I can’t move them . I don’t know if one day I will be able to. But for now they are stopping where they are .xtake care x
Its the same feeling I have now although only four months have passed. We had separate bedrooms for no other reasons than for health and her disability. So basically most of all she had and the spare bedroom are not in my way, so don’t have to move them. In saying that, she had enough clothes and shoes to last forever. Still has new clothes recently bought unopened hanging on a wardrobe door. along with her last Birthday presents in a Pandora bag also in her room, never got the chance to open them, so why should I?
Hi yes I feel the same . They are not doing any harm in fact a comfort to me . My house is not a home anymore without my hubby here . So moving his things would only make me feel worse than I already do … if that’s possible … I even have his old work diarys . Only numbers wrote in them . But it is his writing . We find comfort and strength were ever we can to help us get through each day . Xtake carex
Hi, I totally agree. It’s been over 20 months for me, haven’t touche a single item that belongs to him, don’t think I will ever remove them, it would be like letting him go even more, if that makes any sense. Ive still got the receipt from a restaurant we went to together, while on holiday, 2 summers ago, and also about ten packets of his cigarettes he had to stock up on, before going into lock down for covid. I don’t smoke, have had to hide them from my son, I hate him smoking, but, at least for now, it isn’t actually a ‘dependence’. I partly blame my husband’s smoking for his sudden heart attack, but who knows? I so wish I had encouraged him to stop, he had tried those electronic ones, but to no avail.
September will be 4 years since I lost my daughter. She was 20. Her room is as it was (apart from being tidied and cleaned). All her clothes, make up, stuffed animals and laptop etc are still there. I keep asking when I should sort her room, but then I tell myself I’m not ready. So her room will stay as it is till then. The door is always kept closed too and I rarely go in there due to finding it too painful.
So my answer would be when you are ready to. Take long as you need to.
My condolences for your losses to all in this thread x
I really don’t think there is any need for you anyone to do something that doesn’t feel intuitively right. I am only four months into my journey since my dear partner Sue transitioned. I haven’t moved or discarded anything of hers and I don’t know that I ever will. What I do know is that what is important is to listen to your inner guidance, it will never steer you wrong.
May peace and love embrace all in this thread.
One of those where it’s up to you .
Mandys stuff is as it was, I let her sister take what she wanted clothes wise and her friends could have any jewellery they wanted as a memory for them .
They comfort me , I can’t bring myself to do it yet though I must at one stage because I hate my bedroom as it is , it screams cancer back at me .
Hi, I have my own bedroom and Sharon had hers, We had a spare room that most of mine & Sharon’s clothes are stored. Her jewellery is in her room, some unopened as it was for her birthday that she never got the chance to celebrate being in hospital, One or two things have been thrown away like creams etc from the bathroom but her clothes can stay there for as long as necessary as its not in my way. Her jewellery, perfumes etc will be there till I die.
Going against the grain here but, I cleared the vast majority of Mr Wingingit’s clothes within a matter of a few weeks of his death.
I couldn’t bear to see all those pristinely ironed shirts hanging in the wardrobe, never to be worn again.
For me, it was a constant reminder of things that were never going to be - and I don’t need reminding - I know only too well.
He also hated waste, as do I, and I thought “some poor chap who’s a bit strapped for cash, could make good use of those”, so I set to and packed them up, quickly, and off they went.
Some things I’ve kept - some quite ridiculous things really (2 walking sticks that I have zero need for), scraps of paper with his writing on them (I hear you @Broken2222) and his anorak still hangs by the front door (but part of that is so that workmen, or whoever, coming to the house may think there is a male presence here, even if there isn’t!).
We are all different and there is no right or wrong but, for me, I was concerned that the longer I left it, the more difficult I would find it.
We all, if we’re lucky, find some comfort in different things.
The right thing to do is do what works for you personally.
I cleared most of my husband’s clothes about 3 months in. I have kept a couple of special items that remind of him, his walking stick is still next to our bed and his cap hangs on the coat peg. I too have scraps of paper he wrote on, my most special item is my Bible he gave me on my 26th birthday, he wrote a Lovely inscription inside. X
Hi . You are so right. This grief is so personal . We all just do what we believe is right for us . Whatever we can do to help us cope and get through each awfull lonely day . I wear my hubby socks . And the other week one of them had a hole in . I sat and sobbed over a pair of socks . Ridiculous . I could just imagine what chris would of said to me . He had to get a tooth took out before his cancer treatment started . I only found the tooth in his sock draw a few weeks after he died . I didn’t even know he had kept it . But it’s like the most precious jewel in the world to me now . I keep it in my jewellery box with white feathers that have appeared beside me .i honestly think if anyone had told me I would be doing things like this and keeping thing what were Chris’s I would of said they were mad . But we all just do what we can to help us get through each day .ALL. Xtake carex
It’s all about “connection” isn’t it?
So some of us feel a connection when we look at an item of clothing and others feel a connection seeing a walking stick or an item of jewellery or the deceased person’s writing.
Your tooth story made me laugh @Broken2222, but I know exactly what you mean.
I suspect we’re all a little bit insane dealing with this grief and the line between comedy and tragedy really does get blurred - says the woman who sits watching TV at night, alongside a box of her husband’s ashes!
There is no right or wrong in this. You just have to do what feels right for you and do it when you feel ready. Everyone is different. Personally I did it after about 3 months as it was upsetting me seeing his clothes in the wardrobe knowing that he wouldn’t be wearing them anymore. I divided them up and took them to a few different charity shops.
Just started sorted his books and dvd’s out. Everything you have to do just brings back memories. Not a easy task xx
Hi . Chris died in September and about a month after my daughter asked if she could have some of her dads clothes , to get memorie bears made for her two boys . Trying to sort them out for her was heartbreaking . I kept thinking not this one , chris liked this one ,or he always wore this one . I was a total mess . Daughter said is it to soon . But I did manage . She got me one made and gave it to me as a Xmas present . I really didn’t want it . I wanted chris in his clothes not a bear . But now I do find it a comfort it sits on our bed . I don’t know if I will ever move his other clothes . And yes there is no right or wrong . It’s how we deal with this grief . We are all individual and all grieve differently . BUT . It does help reading posts on this site . Knowing we are not alone … xtake carex
4 months for me, sorting his belongings was one of the hardest things to do after losing him. I decided to sell our home nearly immediately after he died! I just couldn’t bare to be there without him. Because of this I had no choice but to go through his things. It took weeks to do because it was so painful and I kept stopping and starting because it was just so unbearable!
However I’m now 13 months on, still finding things difficult but looking back I’m so so glad I had sorted through his things there and then! Even though it was still so incredibly raw! Everyone’s different but for me it gave me some closure, made me realise he has actually gone. It made me begin to move forward even though I really didn’t want to.
Hi there it’s so so difficult I decided to put what I considered the clothes that meant the most to me in a chest and donated the rest. It’s a very individual call but for me this workef
It took me three years before I could even sort through my late husband’s clothes and another six months before I could actually take them to a charity. I have still kept a suit, shirt, tie and underwear and shoes plus many other personal things.
My brother in law gave my sister’s things away straight after the funeral, people have different ways of dealing with the death of a loved one so as far as I am concerned, do it when you want to and not because you have to.
Hi, thanks for your replay. It seems that there is no set rule. I am only three months into my grief. I have said as its not in my way it can stay there forever. Once I go the house will be sold etc to whoever and there is no one after me.
I agree that each and every one of us has different ways of dealing with their grief. My way is that I haven’t removed any of my husband’s personal belongings, and I don’t have any intention to do this. I just can’t bear to part with anything, his side of the wardrobe has remained exactly how it was, and will always be that way.