Hi,new here. I’ve come to the conclusion I need face to face chat with a councillor but plucking up the courage is easier said than done.
I lost my wife of 47 years to cancer in April. The diagnosis last December was a shock,the first chemo treatment gave us hope for at least two years of life. Chemo had a bad reaction,Neutropenic sepsis. No more chemo. COPD set in and three months given. Even that didn’t happen. Got her home but she passed away a few days later. It was truly awful. I’m devastated,it wasn’t supposed to be like this. I’d just gone onto a four day week so we could do things together. Although over pension age I kept working and was away three nights a week instead of four. Now all our plans are gone,it’s so unfair.
I’m lost without her,I cry looking at photos of her. People say remember the good times well when I think of those good times I cry. I can’t talk to anyone about her without choking up and tears. That’s got to change hasn’t it? But when?
I can’t go back to work,not that I want to anyway but I drive a 44 ton truck for a living. My mind needs to be on the job 100% and my mind will wander or the wrong song will come on the radio and I’ll be in tears. Can’t risk that happening in traffic. I just don’t know how to even begin getting over this. I miss her more than I can explain.
@Idowu12 Do you really think an app that can channel my dead wife’s voice to me is helpful? An app that of course costs money for five years worth of absolute rubbish? I sincerely hope no one falls that one. Yes wouldn’t it be lovely if our departed loved ones were only a phone call away.
Hopefully the group moderators will delete your post,which you’ve posted elsewhere too.
Fair enough. Looked like a sales post to me pushing a rather expensive app that isn’t your loved one talking to you at all. If it helped you then all well and good but it’s playing on people’s emotions for money isn’t it.
I’m so sorry for your loss @Andy68 There is no timeline for grief - some days are more manageable than others.
I lost my husband, the love of my life in March this year. He was 52 and had no health issues.
I can’t see the future now that he’s no longer beside me. I will be returning to work next month and I’m not sure how things will pan out. You have made the very sensible decision to not return to work whilst you are in such a painful place.
My tears haven’t stopped either. I wish I could hold my husband’s hand and tell him I love him.
Take care and feel free to keep posting if you need to - we all understand.
Hi Andy68,
I am sorry you are now on this path. As lonelyplanet says there is no time on grief.
I am week 26, six months in. Somedays seem better then others,but its always here. I cry everyday not as much.
My Sue also went with cancer,9 1/2 weeks after being diagnosed. After her first chemotherapy session. I like you hoped we would get a couple more years. So please look after yourself. What might work for one person might not work for the next.
I found counselling helpful. Ask your doctor about it. I also go to a bereavement coffee morning, which was hard to start with. I am afraid i haven’t seen my family or friends since Sue’s funeral. They live a long way away. So if you have support please use it. Take care
Thank you for sharing your story with us and sending hugs your way.
You are in the very early stages of Grief, it can take months or years to feel any different . Ive read lots of stories on here and other groups were people are grieving decades down the line . That being said , it’s evident that the grief changes and you learn to manage it, but that time line is different for everyone , even those with a similar loss , we are all individuals .
You’re in the eye of the storm right now , Im just over 4 months down this horrible path and I can function a little better than I did in the first few weeks , but I cant say I wouldn’t trust myself to be driving a truck … you’re right it would be dangerous . I drive , but I wouldn’t get in the car when im heading for a meltdown . ( I can feel when its building up now )
Counselling … I had a few sessions in the local hospice where my husband died , and although it validated that what I was feeling was normal, or common in grief it didn’t really take the pain, confusion and despair away . It was just a safe place for me to say what I was feeling without unsettling my friends and family , I was, and still am having some dark thoughts .
People … they say some really stupid things sometimes and you probably said similar things in the past , not knowing what this feels like . I hate the “well at least you have your memories or think of the good times” - I wanted to make new memories and have more good times and my husband by my side , thank you . Such an inane thing to say. Ive been know to get quite snippy with people when they say things like that .
Don’t be ashamed of your grief , you need to let it out , no manning up here .
Here to chat if you need , happy for you to pM me if you prefer .
Hello JanetteR1,
I can identify with so much that you have written I’m approaching the 4 month stage. It’s really hard when the meltdowns come, and I actually wonder whether I’ll survive - but somehow I do.
This is a horrible path indeed , but messages like yours give a good perspective.
Best wishes to all,
Hi ya ken oxford , l lost ann my wife in feb 10 25 l contacted Cruise localy in oxford and where so gentle to talk to , face to face or on the phone ,they are very gentle , its not the cure but they clear your head so the random thoughts float around your head less l am sorry for your sad loss as well , ann had vascular dimentia 5 years ago its not an easy journey . I am on my 9 councilling session there does not seem to be a central phone number but if you look up Cruise if you have one localy on the internet . It does help ken oxford
Thanks Ken,I think Cruze is one my doctor suggested and I think we have one local along with a few other help groups. I wonder if the face to face meetings are with a man or woman. Might be just me but I don’t want to talk or blub with a man. I know I’ve got to talk to someone soon,I can’t stand this feeling much longer. I so desperately want her back.
I finally got around to calling the hospice that we were dealing with when my wife was at her worst,although she was at home and not in the hospice. They gave me a phone assessment today,forty five minutes of pain.
Apparently I’m still in deep shock and they have offered me six one hour sessions face to face with a lady councellor. The waiting list is around five weeks but at least the ball is rolling. What do I hope to get out of it? If I can finally talk about my wife without choking up and crying then I’ll count it a success.
Evening guys,
Its my first time posting on any kind of forum so bear with me.
Im 40 and lost my partner last year to suicide, with the first anniversary of his death coming and going this week.
We’d been friends since teenagers and now ive not only lost the man i wanted to spend the rest of my life with but also my best friend.
I thought getting the 1st year anniversary out of the way would feel like some kind of heavy veil being lifted. But i feel no different, probably worse. Like a lot of other people on here, my life feels pointless now. Ive got my whole life over again( possibly) on my own feeling like this. I cant stand to be around families and happy couples for longer than i have to, looking at something that was taken away from me and that ill never have. Hes broken my heart. Ive tried having the “lifes too short” and “lifes for living” approach, but the feeling/mindset doesnt last long and im back to square 1. Being a year down the line, ive stopped telling people im not ok, its easier for them and me just to nod my head and say “im fine”.
Anyway im sorry for the rambling.
I am so sorry for you’re loss. Have you tried counselling, i know it doesn’t work for everyone. It helped me, i lost my wife 6 months ago to cancer.
They say the second year can be harder,because reality hits. I wish i could give you some good advice. Rant or ramble on here if you need to. It has helped me and i do. I am afraid we are on the path and understand loss.
Thank you, tbh its something ive thought about on and off over the last year but thought i was strong enough to be able to get through it alone. This week has proven otherwise. I wouldnt even know where to statt with regards to counselling though? Also im sorry for your loss, your grief is still so raw
My doctor got in touch, with the local hospice, who organised my counselling. So i would suggest talking to your gp. I think we all need some help on this path. There is no shame in asking for it. Please look after yourself.
Thank you for your kind words and help 
I actually had offers of councelling from the hospice right after I lost Pam. Like you,I said thanks but no thanks. Little did I realise then that really is a terrible and heartbreaking road we’re on. Coming on this group made me see it’s the same awful road we’re all on. The others here know how I feel and I know how they all feel.
What shocked and surprised me is that some are still very much suffering this pain years down the road. I finally realised I need help and plucked up the courage to ask. I’ll be starting one to one,face to face councelling in a few weeks.
Your doctor should have a list of local bereavement councelling places or Google local bereavement councelling. It appears some charge,some don’t.
Its not easy , lost de wife in feb to vascular dimentia after 4 years . There is no clear path after loss , in your case its very hard , you dont forget , so sorry , l after 6 months and 10 councilling sessions it helps , l find going out a lot , no not strange l was at home for 4 years could not get out while nurseing , had help 4 times a day . I am lucky my friends and familly , plus have 2 westies doggies. I dont know what to suggest , have you tried councilling at all , if just to go out for a walk etc so sorry william
I have had counselling from the hospice where my husband spent the last two weeks of his life. I could not face going back to the hospice so the counsellor came to me. Yes, I cried an awful lot, but I found it a great relief to be able to talk freely without fear of upsetting anyone. It is tiring but I would definitely recommend to anyone who is thinking about it. Of course we are all different and it may not be suitable for everyone .