I will never stop loving Jackie as you will never stop loving Michael. Our love for them is always and forever, but we also have to learn to love ourselves now. That means taking care of ourselves to make sure we can make the best of what remains of our lives.
Whatever the size of our families, we have to make Michael and Jackie proud of us.
I’m not too bad today. It’s weekends the worst for me.
You look after yourself. You are young and have a whole life ahead of you. It’s bleak at the moment, but there will be better times amongst the sad remembrances
Eve my heart is breaki g for you. The pain is so much to bare but what i can say is i am now 18mths down this path and sometimes i dont know how i have made it but i have.
I still cry i still hurt and the pain sometimes is still unbearable but it does get easier we do learn to cope we do put one foot in front of the other and carry on.
I love andy with all my heart and always will that will never change but as john said we have to learn to cope the best we can.
It is still so fresh for you but just keep doing what you are doing minute by minute then you can go hour by hour but it a long process know you are not alone we are all with you every step of the way xx
Johnr hello from another person from Northants, Have you come across any bereavement groups face to face anywhere in Northants. This forum is such a help as we all go through such an horrendous journey( I hate the word journey but that’s all I could find in my fogged brain) but I would also like to meet up with a group just to be with people who get it really get it. I am lucky very lucky to have two friends of my wife who live in our village and are still very supportive. Today is week four since I lost Sally, tomorrow it will one week after the funeral and this past weekend was horrendous, in particular Saturday, so I have really started to repeat to myself every day that “things will improve, I will learn to manage this c…p better at some point”
Eve as you say the reality is we have no other choice but to learn to live with it.
And yes I fully appreciate that I am very early in the process and this debilitating pain , worries about the future, being alone, and loneliness of going back to an empty house, meals of one, and the silence(although today I am ordering a radio… or maybe a wireless !!
I’ve been having 1-1 sessions with an NHS counsellor in our medical centre in Brackley. She’s based in Towcester and the first session we had, she mentioned something in Towcester. I didn’t bother as it’s a bit far for me, especially with the HS2 work going on.
I recently joined something called the Chatty Cafe scheme, which is countrywide. Whilst it’s aimed at tackling anyone experiencing loneliness, there seems to be a lot of bereaved people. Last Friday, we went for a walk in Daventry Country Park.
There seems to be quite a few groups in and around Northampton
Hi HeartofGold, have you had a word with your doctor ? Mine got me into counselling quicker, through local hospice . Keep posting we all understand what you are going through. Those early weeks,months are so hard. You wake up and you wish you hadn’t. Yet we do and just put one foot in front of the other. It’s just survival at the moment. As Daisy24 says we have to learn to cope. Please take care.
Nothing wrong with crying. It’s better than bottling it up. I force myself to look at pictures and videos from when we got married, just to remind myself how lucky I was to have Jackie for 60 years.
I have been really bad days i feel i am getting worse my chest is so sore with crying and sobbing all.the time i just dont know if i am coming or going i was talking to my boss today as i dont have anyone to talk to he asked if i was ok i said no i had to do phone my wifes bank on Friday to let them know but it was so hard talking on the phone i feel so bad i had to call them it was bad enough register her death its like hit the delete button on a computer deleting her it really hurts i dont wa t to delete i just want her back this is really hard trying to do everything by myself what i would do to bring her back to me just to see her hear her laughing and to just give her her a big kiss and cuddle i really need that
It’s hard having to take your partners name of things. You do feel like you are deleting them,but you are not they still live in you and your memories. Take care
It is. There are things that for legal reasons you have to remove their name, however, I still refer to the house and property as being ours not mine. I always will and if people don’t like it then tough.
Technically half of the house is Jackie’s anyway as it’s in a trust.
I have found a Chatty Cafe less than a mile from me. They meet every Thursday so might give it a go soon.
I have decided after a long time pondering to get a cat. Me n granddaughter going to cat protection on Friday to take a look.
Love a cat cause they’re so independent and snooty…
@HeartofGold
I can relate to every thing you are saying and definitely in the same place as you.
My husband was a little older, he was 58 when diagnosed with bowel cancer but sadly died in March aged 61 as the cancer had spread to the stomach. The doctors didn’t expect him to last as long as he did but he was so strong willed, he never gave up fighting and definitely didn’t want to leave me here alone.
The m last 9 months of his life was horrendous, he deteriorated so quickly and like you during that time I did not leave his side. I just couldn’t accept that he would die i was definitely in denial.
Now i find myself alone, I do have 2 sons but they work full time and so busy with their own lives. I have told them that I’m lonely but the only person who can stop the loneliness and the pain is my
husband Ian. No one could ever replace him.
This Saturday 9th August, it will be 21 weeks since Ian has passed and it’s also our wedding anniversary, we would have been married for 34 years. Today I’ve just sat on the bed looking at our wedding photos, it’s so heartbreaking he’s no longer with me.
I am trying so hard to think of all the good times and memories we made along the way, but i keep on crying and saying we should still be having good times and making more memories.
I just hate this time of year, normally we would have been planning our trip for our anniversary
Hi @brummy,
No need to thank me, I totally understand how you’re feeling and like you feel that this site is helping me so much.
I also went through the guilt trip asking myself constantly if I could have done more to save my Ian but thinking back I don’t think we could have done anymore, our options just ran out. We asked for second opinions, tried for trials but we were just told the same thing that the treatment for Ian’s cancer was limited, it was so heartbreaking knowing I couldn’t save him.
I’m in a bad place at the moment because this Saturday it would have been our 34th wedding anniversary, it’s going to be such a difficult day for me, my worst day as well…Saturday.
We do really think alike because like you I do really believe we will see our loved ones again, I’ve had too many signs not to believe that.
