How to be less lonely?

My husband passed away last June, at first yes, I was very lonely. After a few months, I joined meetup, at first I was very nervous about going to meet new people, but I made myself do it, and I’m so glad I did. I do walks, lunches, cinema and evenings out as well. I have met new friends and finally got some sort of life for myself. Please try it, be bold and get out there, you owe it to yourself to try

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Hi Patti your story is similar to mine. With Brian from when we met at 15 and 16 until he died at 71. I am the impulsive one who relied on him to rein me in! This resulted in a year of wrong decisions trying to recreate my life since before he passed and my own health issues. I did move to a retirement village. Whilst I didn’t regret the move despite the stress 18 months on I am moving again. I have a great family who are there for me but they’re no my soul mate :disappointed_relieved::disappointed_relieved: I do feel Brian’s presence at times usually when I’m at my lowest and I say to his picture “Give me a break!” and something good happens. I remember a couple of months after losing him someone said to me she had just about learnt to live without her husband 7 years after losing him. I was horrified that I would feel the level of grief forever. Nearly 2 years on I guess she was right. I still cry most nights and despite keeping myself busy weekends are lonely. I started going to Warner weekends to not be own but have stopped because it’s hard being on your own with so many couples around my age. It’s true what they say “you can be in the company of many and still feel alone.” I hope you have the courage to move I’m not sure how old you are but would recommend a retirement village . There is a lot going on and many in the same situation xx

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Hi Anne Marie
Why are you moving agin?
I will be moving in the next 6 months to a house just across the road from my daughter. As you said, and I think most of us feel is that it doesn’t matter how busy you are , weekend are lonely and I have to be very careful no to be depressed
It is a strange life -
Take care
Sadie x

I’m moving to Port Sunlight not far away from where I am. It is a model village and all the buildings are grade 1 listed and it is stunning. There is a small retirement complex in the middle of the village of 40 2 bed apartments. It is where I wanted to move at first but my daughters persuaded me to stay local. I decided this year I was going to stop pleasing everyone and do what I wanted. X

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Well done Anne-Mary - I find that since Jack died I am not so worried about pleasing too many people
Sadie x

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Hi there Anne Marie. I am not sure a retirement village is for me as I have dogs and usually they are not allowed. I don’t feel particularly lonely and not a big people person, not wanting to attend clubs, bingo etc although I do lead quite a busy life. I have had friends that have open house and people coming and going all the time but not sure I would like this. However I do mix freely as and when I want to. I don’t feel the weekends are any different to any other day of the week, I just keep occupied. It’s so true what you say about being in company but still feeling alone. And although we travelled regularly I have no incentive to go on holidays at all now. Being a Billy no Mates does not appeal.
I have noticed the retirement properties near me have very expensive maintenance costs although reasonable to purchase. I will give it some thought. Time will tell me if it’s right. Thanks for your help.
Pat xxx

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Yes Retirement Villages carry a hefty serve charge but do provide a lot of activities that you can be involved or not. I guess it’s where you are in age and mobility. I am 72 and had major mobility issues when I moved in. I am much better now and feel much younger. The average age here is 80 and need the Care Team for support. Hence why I am moving!

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I walk with my sister and brother along canal through the meadows then round Arthur seat in Edinburgh then me and sister go to bingo I know it’s not everyone’s choice but fills in couple of hours. When home though I tend to sit and watch telly even though it’s repeats and rubbish. I think we all feel this same loneliness and emptyness but what can you do we just have to get on with it good luck everyone at least we’re not alone xx

Hi there Anne Marie. At the moment I am able to participate in my love of walking and a member of the Ramblers and walk for about two hours every day, a very keen gardener having two allotments so not sure activities in a retirement village is for me at the moment as I like an active outdoor lifestyle plus there is my beloved dogs and could never live where animals are not allowed. We have a retirement area near and they have banned all animals which I think is disgusting as it’s common knowledge that animals are very therapeutic to people of any age but especially to the older generation. But who knows things change but doubt I could afford to live in one of these properties. Retirement places by us are mostly flats and more being built.
I am pleased you are able to get about better now and you are probably doing the best thing in moving to somewhere more suitable… Thankfully I am also not in need of a care team as yet and without my present activities think I might well vegetate.
Do take care and I hope your move is successful.
xxx

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Thank you I would love to ramble like you but whilst I am much more mobile and have a car I can’t walk very far. My place does allow pets as long as they are well behaved. I was always a dog person but we had to rehome our Kutcher as neither of us could walk him. He went to a good home but it broke our hearts :disappointed_relieved::disappointed_relieved: I have a rescue cat now and he is company. I am thinking of going on one of those solo holidays.

The holiday sounds good for someone on their own and want’s company, not sure where they go though or what happens as a Solo. Afraid I would have a dread of being among people I didn’t know all the time. Brian and I tried Rambling holidays and found it too organised and we broke away to be on our own sometimes and do our own thing. In the evening they expected us to socialise with them which didn’t suit us. Have considered going again recently but if your on your own you are expected to share a room, no thanks. Since losing Brian I have no incentive to go on a holiday and we travelled a great deal, Brian loved travel. I am a bad traveller and have to take tablets to stop me from being sick but they can also make me drowsy, I would hate to be on my own and in this state. I can be like a zombie. I sent all our luggage to a charity as I couldn’t bear the thought of using any of it. Our holidays were always walking or cycling and I can’t imagine having a holiday now and doing this alone. At the moment I’m not interested in spending time with groups of people. Don’t I sound a misery, not really. just taking things one step at a time. I have wonderful walking country where I live so I have everything I need right on my doorstep. My daughter lives in Spain but I don’t even want to go over there. Wary of travelling at the moment anyway. Hate airports and flying at the best of time.
What a shame you had to rehome your dog and although you did the right thing for the dog I can imagine the heartbreak, I think it would finish me off altogether if I didn’t have my babies.
Take care
xxxx

Pay and Anne-Mary - it is good to see your conversation-
Some retirement homes around me have swimming pools and seems lots of activities. The thought of a bunch of old people around me all the time is depressing but some of these places look more lovely ke hotel

I am busy but I think weekends are hard because psychologically I feel it highlights that Jack is not around, but slowly I am learning to be alone
You are so funny Pat!! I also wouldn’t like to share a room w a stranger!!

Are you girls worried about this coronavirus? I don’t listen to the news anymore - it stresses me and make me anxious - I do have a cold at the moment but it is just a cold
Girls your weekend is ok!
Live
Sadie xx

Yes the thought of self isolation for 4 months is not appealing!! I am supposed to be visiting one of my daughters who lives in France in a few weeks and moving apartment in 2 months! I do think a lot is hyped by the media and the way that it is being treated in other countries but there is not much we can do. I have a balcony so have already told family that they can bring food parcels and gin and wine!!! And rope to use as a pully. There are a lot of vulnerable people here but I dont consider myself as one. What is it like where you are? By the way sols holidays are not room sharing and trips and activities are planned to give opportunities to mix or not. It also doesn’t have single supplements which I hadn’t realised how expensive it is travelling on your own. I am fortunate in that my best friend’s husband is a pigeon fanatic and wont go on holidays when they are racing and doesn’t like going abroad! So I am a great opportunity for her!!!

Well - stocking up wine, gin and chocolate is essential for survival
I like be in a detatched house and garden so I am ok - but due to my cold I do feel a bit stressed
One of my daughters, after the break up with a boyfriend went to a cycling solo holiday in Vietnam and she really enjoyed it - no one there was looking for dates/ partners but she made good acquaintances
I think the right thing will present itself to you.
I believe that Jack is helping the right options come my way
Live
Sadie x

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Hi Sadie, I too don’t watch the news anymore and when I went to get my only paper of the week last Saturday, I saw the heading and put it back. Burying my head in the sand as I have no intention of being isolated for months. I have my dogs and allotments and will go out in the middle of the night if necessary. I am doing my best to stay healthy and fit and can only hope. To lock people away in isolation for months is cruel and I wonder how people are supposed to buy food etc. I have no one to run my errands and wouldn’t expect it anyway.
Pat xxx

I dont want to isolate but given the number of residents who are very vulnerable I have to be careful. I cant spread it. I have just offered to help even if it is taking meals to those not allowed out of their apartment. I would go spare staying in every day. Ryanair are cancelling flights so that’s my visit to my daughter in France gone and I am hoping to move beginning of May so not sure what’s going to happen. Take care everyone.
Anne xx

I a man trying not to go out - however had to go to the supermarket to get vegetables - it is all so unsettling
Sadie x

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So sorry Sadie it’s such a stressful time not helped by everyone panic buying. I also think it is the uncertainty of what you can do and not do. I have gone back to meditation which I’ve found very helpful. You can get an app on your mobile. Anne xx

AnneMary - yes meditation is helpful - my cross stitch is what the Budhist’s will call a working meditation - it does help me
Also , since Jack died I became a little more hypochondriac - Jack isn’t here to look after me!!
Strange times
In my family we are talking a lot on Skype so it doesn’t feel terribly lonely - also walks
Sleep well
Sadie x

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Hi Pat I do hope appears to be in some WayI’ve been asking my lovely husband for 17 months now to come appear in an Orb Oh shame self in some way but as yet nothing I can feel him around me and sense of smell but he does not appear maybe it’s too hard for them bless them

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