I have lost my husband we been together for 54 years, it was very sudden, I feel as if I am in a black hole and cant seem to get out, unable to function just want to hibernate. I was with him at the end and cant help but feel maybe there was something I could have done, it was a massive heart attack, had a neighbour who could do CPR but when ambulance arrived they was no activity in his heart. Feel so sad and angry all at the same time.
It must have been so distressing for you to witness your husband having a heartattack. It sounds like there is nothing more that you could have done. From what I have read, CPR outside a hospital only saves the lives of a very small number of people. It must have been a comfort for him to know that you were with him in his last moments.
In your profile I read that you are disabled and that you are struggling without your husband’s help. Have you tried to contact your GP to see if there is any support available for you?
I can understand that you feel sad and angry, and as if you are in a big black hole. After 54 years together, you must miss him so much. When my mum lost my dad they had been together for more than 60 years, and it was hard to see her grief. There is no easy answer as to how you can cope after such a loss. Joining this community has helped a lot of people, because it is a place where you can share your feelings with others who have lost a loved one, and read how they are trying to cope with it. There are some articles on coping in the new self-help section of this site that you may find helpful: https://selfhelp.sueryder.org/support/coping-strategies/
Sending you my best wishes at this difficult time. xx Jo
Thankyou Jo, this is the hardest thing I have had to deal with, have a daughter and son who are helping but they have their own emotions to sort, he was such a special man and so loved by so many, things brings some comfort but also so much sadness.